Social Anxiety?
I was wondering if anyone has used this program to successfully overcome social anxiety. I bought it specifically for that purpose and ended up finding out that I'm also struggling with more generalized anxiety too. I love the program and I feel like I'm starting to make progress, but I'm really fighting hard to believe I can overcome the social difficulties I have.
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sherry2010
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:53 pm
Hi Karma,
I'm still pretty new to the program too, but feel like my social anxiety stuff stems from the same issues that create my generalized anxiety; low self esteem, putting too much weight on external validation, etc. So I do think that helping with one will help with the other? I hope! For me, I think I have always defined social as "fun and outgoing", and I tend to be introverted, so then perceive the introverted qualities as negative instead of just different. We probably have great social qualities too? Like I'm sure we make pretty good listeners...
I'd be happy to hear some "triumph" stories on this topic too!
Thanks for posting this question.
I'm still pretty new to the program too, but feel like my social anxiety stuff stems from the same issues that create my generalized anxiety; low self esteem, putting too much weight on external validation, etc. So I do think that helping with one will help with the other? I hope! For me, I think I have always defined social as "fun and outgoing", and I tend to be introverted, so then perceive the introverted qualities as negative instead of just different. We probably have great social qualities too? Like I'm sure we make pretty good listeners...
I'd be happy to hear some "triumph" stories on this topic too!
Thanks for posting this question.
Yes I agree with you about the basics being the same. I think I just have it so deep in my belief system that this is 'how I am' now. What's weird it that I am very fun and outgoing by nature. Somehow I just developed these feelings of intense nervousness around people in the most basic situations. I'm sitting there telling myself, "calm down! you're just talking to this person, big deal!" but I feel such intense anxiety it's overwhelming. I just push through it because I refuse to let it stop me from reaching my goals in life, but it is so exhausting and I'm tired of missing out on real friendships because I always feel like everyone secretly thinks there is something wrong with me. It comes on instantly now in the most casual situations, I don't know how to get in front of it so to speak to work the steps. It's like I'm on auto pilot. Does this make sense to anyone? It feels like less than a split second from an external trigger to my stomach being in a knot, extreme nervous feelings, sweaty palms, and a racing heart....because someone stopped me in the hallway at school to say hi! Big deal!
Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on about this. I just so desperately want to get over this! I want to know that someone understands what I'm feeling and has gotten free of it! I have so many dreams and goals and although I am confident I will achieve them, I want to achieve them CALMLY, with peace...with friends. I love people and I want to have them in my home to enjoy good food and wine and have parties. I want to sit back and have long, relaxed conversations. I want to feel peace again. I want MYSELF back!
Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on about this. I just so desperately want to get over this! I want to know that someone understands what I'm feeling and has gotten free of it! I have so many dreams and goals and although I am confident I will achieve them, I want to achieve them CALMLY, with peace...with friends. I love people and I want to have them in my home to enjoy good food and wine and have parties. I want to sit back and have long, relaxed conversations. I want to feel peace again. I want MYSELF back!
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sherry2010
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:53 pm
Hi karmatism, how are you doing with this?
I feel like the "inner me" is fun & outgoing, but that when I'm around people it's covered up by a film of anxiety. It was at it worst in my last year of university; I went through a couple of months where I could not use the phone, even just to order a pizza. I felt like the person would say "hello" and I would not be able to get a word out. It was such an overwhelming, defeating feeling! It did eventually pass...
What I've learned about myself over the past couple of years too is that "small talk" makes me anxious. So I tend to avoid situations where small talk is prevalent...but your vision of long, relaxed conversations sound beautiful IF they are "real", and deeper than "how is the weather?". But do you find that any type of conversation is anxiety producing right now?
I feel like the "inner me" is fun & outgoing, but that when I'm around people it's covered up by a film of anxiety. It was at it worst in my last year of university; I went through a couple of months where I could not use the phone, even just to order a pizza. I felt like the person would say "hello" and I would not be able to get a word out. It was such an overwhelming, defeating feeling! It did eventually pass...
What I've learned about myself over the past couple of years too is that "small talk" makes me anxious. So I tend to avoid situations where small talk is prevalent...but your vision of long, relaxed conversations sound beautiful IF they are "real", and deeper than "how is the weather?". But do you find that any type of conversation is anxiety producing right now?
Small talk is the worst! I HATE it! First of all because I totally know what you mean about being 'real' I can't stand being so superficial. I really don't care about what's being said in small talk anyway. Maybe that's why I never know what to say? I feel so much pressure to come up with something, while pretending to be relaxed that I forget the most basic info, like where I'm from. Duh! Once I can't come up with a basic answer like that, forget it, I'm done. I feel like I totally blew it, this person is wondering what the hell is wrong with me and I want to leave as soon as possible. I also never know what to say when I'm done talking. I hate being the center of attention. Like if I'm talking and people are listening, I never know what to do when I stop and no one says anything right away. Or when it's time to leave soemwhere, I usually just duck out because I don't know what to say except, ok see ya later. I feel like such a loser because of all this. Like seriously what kind of person can't have a normal conversation without breaking out in a sweat?
How did you overcome your worst point? That sounds pretty bad, not being able to use the phone. Thank God I'm not dealing with that too. Although I do get a little nervous, it's not nearly as bad because I don't have someone looking at me. That's the kiss of death because I think they can 'tell'.
Doesn't all this look so absurd when you lay it out with words instead of think it?
How did you overcome your worst point? That sounds pretty bad, not being able to use the phone. Thank God I'm not dealing with that too. Although I do get a little nervous, it's not nearly as bad because I don't have someone looking at me. That's the kiss of death because I think they can 'tell'.
Doesn't all this look so absurd when you lay it out with words instead of think it?
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sherry2010
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:53 pm
I laughed through your entire message b/c you described things sooo perfectly! Especially that part about the awkwardness of leaving somewhere...what is that?? Every time I left the dressing room after a soccer game I would get all stressed about whether I should say "see you", or just walk out. What was my fear? That I would say bye and no one would notice or say anything back? You're right, it all does sound so absurd when you write it out, but why does it feel so real & complicated??
I read this article, actually in House & Home of all places, last year, and friggen loved it...I'm going to write out the good parts in hopes you find it a little comforting too! It was called "Fear of Mingling" by Wendy Dennis:
It being the party season and all, I was doing some research on what I think of as my own brand of seasonal affective disorder: minglephobia. Minglephobia affects those of us who are, by nature, reasonably engaging in intimate groups, but who would rather drink battery acid than make small talk with a roomful of strangers.
For the record, minglephobia has nothing to do with shyness or misanthropy. I know lots of minglephobes who enjoy small groups, love to engage in long conversations about matters that interest them, and are adept at public speaking. Because they're introverts, however, aimless party chatter tends to suck the life right out of them.
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially 'on,' we introverts need to turn off and recharge. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: 'I'm okay, you're okay---in small doses.'
Extroverts have no idea of the torment they put introverts through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98% content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books---written, no doubt, by extroverts---regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward.
Not sure if this hits home for you too, I just found it made me feel better about my awkwardness with small talk. I think I'd actually rather be good at the "real" conversations than the "content-free" conversations...
I'm trying to remember how my phone issue passed. I think it came on b/c I was going through job interviews at the time and felt completely incapable of "selling myself". I was in business school, and always felt like a fraud there, so felt like selling myself as a strong employment candidate in the business world was so bogus. My heart was always in psychology... So I just felt such a lack of a secure identity and kind of lost myself! I actually ended up having to get my cousin to call people back to confirm interviews and pretend she was me :/
I read this article, actually in House & Home of all places, last year, and friggen loved it...I'm going to write out the good parts in hopes you find it a little comforting too! It was called "Fear of Mingling" by Wendy Dennis:
It being the party season and all, I was doing some research on what I think of as my own brand of seasonal affective disorder: minglephobia. Minglephobia affects those of us who are, by nature, reasonably engaging in intimate groups, but who would rather drink battery acid than make small talk with a roomful of strangers.
For the record, minglephobia has nothing to do with shyness or misanthropy. I know lots of minglephobes who enjoy small groups, love to engage in long conversations about matters that interest them, and are adept at public speaking. Because they're introverts, however, aimless party chatter tends to suck the life right out of them.
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially 'on,' we introverts need to turn off and recharge. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: 'I'm okay, you're okay---in small doses.'
Extroverts have no idea of the torment they put introverts through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98% content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books---written, no doubt, by extroverts---regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward.
Not sure if this hits home for you too, I just found it made me feel better about my awkwardness with small talk. I think I'd actually rather be good at the "real" conversations than the "content-free" conversations...
I'm trying to remember how my phone issue passed. I think it came on b/c I was going through job interviews at the time and felt completely incapable of "selling myself". I was in business school, and always felt like a fraud there, so felt like selling myself as a strong employment candidate in the business world was so bogus. My heart was always in psychology... So I just felt such a lack of a secure identity and kind of lost myself! I actually ended up having to get my cousin to call people back to confirm interviews and pretend she was me :/