I'm going to do my best to work on my skills today. I'm tired and I didn't sleep well. My husband got this new sleep apnea machine and it sounds like a damn wistle, it's so annoying. I laid there not saying anything for hours because he is finally sleeping good with it and I didn't want to wake him up. I'm proud of myself so far because I would normally be reaching for an XL coffee on a morning like this and I only got a medium. I'm really working on cutting back the coffee, but it's a slow process. I love my coffe so much. I just don't want to say goodbye.
Hi Karmatism and Bob-- Well to start out, my husband snores, and he won't go see a Dr about it. So this is part of the contention that goes on between us. So to add to that, when we finally got a cleared bedroom for a guest room, DH bought a second hand king size bedroom set.
This was w/o my consent or even discussion. I just wanted a twin bed to put in there for me to go to when and if he snores. Also, I wanted the extra space of the bedroom for other things. (Previously, after I had weaned myself off of Wellbutrin I came home to my stuff in a common family area packed up) This began my anxiety and panic attacks.
So I knew that I could use this spare bedroom after it was cleared of DS's stuff to put my books, sewing and other things like that in this room since I no longer had the family room.
Just like Karmatism said, I have felt that I have not been listened too...and for quite some time. Pretty much ignored in many ways, so I would use all this "ignored" time filling it with my interests that bring me some form of satisfaction and some social network, albeit more on some websites and community.
Well, my children wanted me to stop these activities, I don't know if they wanted more of my attention or what. Or they are just going through their own trials or figuring out where they belong. Growing pains.
So my anxiety and panic came after I went off of anti-depressants and then had one of the worst "scare" or "surprise" in my life, second to my son's suicide. At least for now, this is my comparison at this moment of time, since I can't write you a book. :p
Okay, so with that background, DH has negated my feelings about things and "forgets" that since he bought the bedroom set that if he snores, he'll sleep in the guest room. Well, lately he has been sleeping in the guest room, but gets angry about it. He shows it by raising his voice, pouting, and being sarcastic. Making sarcastic remarks to my children about things I say. My Dr calls it "conflict avoidance". So I'm so sensitive right now, that his look or tone of voice just gets my nerves going.
Two of my adult children can do the same thing. I know that both of them are hurting from broken up relationships. So I have to be the warm and fuzzy person for them to land on, and I'm not quite there yet.
I have to learn how to do this, because my parents were not very good at it, mainly my mother.
So...here I am very tense and working very hard to feel better, remain calm, and be a good listener w/o interjecting my opinions. It is so hard! Because my family were full of opinions!
But my husband's family have more sarcastic opinions, more negative in general w/ low self esteem.
I've been married for a long time...we've weathered many storms. I just want to weather this one and not be dumped on any longer. This is where I am meeting resistance, because as my first Psychologist told me, DH is co-dependent on me. So when I change my status quo, he is not going to like it. That means he is going to have to change his means of comfort, but before he does he is going to "complain" and "protest". He will shut down and be sarcastic. It won't be pleasant.
I am not going to go back to the way I was...so here comes the Insanity!
:p Paislee