Went to the beach

[Brent K.]

This past Saturday I was asked to go to the beach with a couple of friends and reluctintly desided I would go and face my fear of travel and being away from my "comfort zone" and not having control over driving, I let go and just told myself that I was fine and I had a really fun time and got to see a lot of cool things that I have not seen in a long time. This was such a huge milestone for me because I have not been that far away from home in over 12 years and I was fine, we drove over 300 miles and I barely felt nervous except for the initial thoughts of not wanting to go. I felt so good about myself and I feel like I can do so many other things now, infact since I went everything seems different and my level of general anxiety has gone so far down. I am so thankful for the skills that I have learned in the last few months and am very excited about what the future holds for me.

I hope you all are doing well.

Brent

[Paisleegreen]

Kudos for you! You did it! I had to do the same thing, and it was a great feeling to know that I'm okay doing some of the activities I use to do before my panic attack! Good Job!

[jillzmind]

Brent that is awesome! Very cool of you getting out there and kicking some anxiety butt

Jill~

[flippinkid]

Way to go Brent......Keep moving forward

[creamcheese]

Thats what we all need....we need to seek out the good things that make us FEEL good. Good feelings, good people, good pets, good times, good memories. We tend to dwell on the bad, I dont know WHY we do this to ourselves, I have always went backward, dwelling on how I used to feel as a kid. I long for those simpler days and now I am moving out of my childhood home. My parents are gone, no one is here but my best friend who doesnt want to move(YET) with me. Its so tough. We all tread uphill for awhile but then sometimes we get to cruise down a hill without effort with beautiful scenery.

[Brent K.]

Thanks everyone, this was a very big step for me, its seems silly to most people that don't suffer like we do, but I feel very strong and have nothing but excitement about the future. So many positive things have been happening for me since I changed my attitude from a black hole of dread to a much more up beat can do almost anything attitude, I have been open to so many other things and I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

I have had such a negative opinion of myself for so long that it is a pretty hard cycle to break, I am doing very well and have a long road ahead of me, but that is part of the fun for me now. I look at everything as a challenge and give it my best!

Best of luck to all of you, it is a rainy day here and I am enjoying working in my bright and warm shop

[Paisleegreen]

That's super, Brent! Creamcheese, I can understand your feelings. I get that way when I wish to be a carefree kid again. I haven't lately, though, because I took a trip back home to CA and saw my old neighborhood and other places that use to be so fun and I experienced a lot of changes and my old house looked smaller than it use to be to me. The street had changed, all the houses add additions added on them. Ours was the first one over 40 years ago or so.
What use to be a simple lane and a golf course is now a super freeway. All the trees around the area have grown tall so I can't see over the valley. It was basically a scary experience for me, although I had been weaned off of wellbutrin and xanax at the time for less than two months (by my own doing).

The area surrounding my city is crowded and the people aren't friendly or patient. Just a whole different vibe. So I guess this was setting me up for my first panic attack and I didn't know it.

I'm glad to be able to come here to visit all of you wonderful people. Thanks.

[creamcheesepuff]

I think what is happening to most of us and especially the supersensitive people of this planet is that we seek the same people as we are. We look for a love from people, not...physical love but a mutual love that we are all from the same cloth. That we are all human. We have lost this in the world of texting, videos, TV, and cellphones. we look like we are becoming more personable but we are becoming distant in another way. The computer has brought many together, from all over the world. But other technology hasnt been so lucky.
More personal interaction, more honesty and more genuiness and compassion are what we are seeking on earth. We are still biological beings that need attachment, need people, need each other and company. So...to everyone out there, even though we may be typing our little hearts out on this machine we are still connecting in a most human way over the miles.
Its the best thing we can do for each other in this stressful world. creamcheese

[Paisleegreen]

You are so right, Creamcheese! Wow, you just put into words what I've been feeling about life, but knowing exactly what I'm looking for or wanting. I filled my day with activities that were by myself and my beloved dog, so I don't have to be with mean people.

My siblings all live out of state, each in a different state, except for one that we helped bring to live near us, due to illness, but they might as well be out of state, sometimes.

My in laws are close by, but I don't connect with them as much due to different personality types and upbringing. I'm more an outgoing person, and they are analytical and quiet. I'm more health conscious and they love to cook lots of goodies and eat. Let's put it this way, two of my brothers have been in Marathons and Triathlons, in their 50's and 60's.

But my in laws are very artistic and have gorgeous handwriting and are soft spoken. So we get along okay, but I guess they handle their anxiety by eating, and I don't eat much, I have to do something physical. I love to laugh and enjoy others witty comments, but not disgusting ones. Anyway, probably getting way off track here.

I guess that is the difficulty of expressing the feelings I'm feeling at this time in my life. I have to as Carly Simon puts it, paint a new picture.