The hardest days of my life

MollySK · Post by **MollySK** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 5:44 am

I was feeling pretty confident when we had to take our daughter to a cardiology appointment for her heart murmur. I didn't think they were going to find anything really wrong with her, she was textbook healthy for an infant. They actually found a very serious problem with her pulminary valve though. Her valve was plugging off and not letting enough blood get to her lungs to be oxygenated, as a result of this the muscles in her left ventricle were so thick that they could collapse her heart. My husband and I were devastated, instantly the worst possible scenarios ran through my mind and I almost shot right into panic. I managed to pick myself up and try to understand everything they were going to need to do. I made all the mandatory phone calls and nearly lost control everytime I made a call.
The next morning they were in our hospital room preparing her for surgery. I was a mess, I was vomiting and getting very dizzy. I almost lost it a few times but drew on my skills and the support of my family to bring me back to reality.
Well the point I am trying to make is that I got through it and eventhough it was hard I was stronger than I thought I would be. I never thought in a million years I would have ever been able to get through that but I did. I kept thinking to myself that I needed to be strong for my daughter and if I can get through this then I could get through anything. Consequently I wasn't allowed to walk her down to the OR because I was so frantic. I was disappointed with myself but I realised it was the best decision for her.
When my husband and I were allowed to go down to the NICU recovery room I felt this strange surge that I HAD to get in there, no one could protect her like I could. My maternal instincts were in overdrive and after we rushed to the room to see her they promptly asked us to leave so they could wake her up. We just wanted to be in there and paced the hallways until we got to go in. When we were FINALLY allowed to go in she looked up at me with her groggy eyes and smiled at me, almost as if she was saying "momma you wouldn't believe the day I had, thank God you're here now." She did so well with her surgery that we were allowed to go home the next day.
She is such a little trooper and I am so proud of all of us for doing so well. Being a recovered agoraphobic and dealing with post partum depression I am so thrilled that I got through that with some minor hitches but we're recovered, happy and appreciate each other ever so much more!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:20 am

I feel so happy for you! And kind of proud of you!
Congratulations!
So happy your little girl came thru' that!
Thanks for sharing.
May you have many happy days together!
MJ

Gman5256 · Post by **Gman5256** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:50 am

Hi Molly,

You have a brave little girl there. I am so glad all is going so well with the post op that they released her so soon.

Congrats to your whole family.

Hugs,

Gman5256

sunbound · Post by **sunbound** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 7:31 am

I can truly believe these were the hardest days of your life. Please be proud of yourself for utilizing the skills you've learned in this program. I am very happy to hear your daughter came through well and you managed to get through it too!

Naustin · Post by **Naustin** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 7:39 am

You should feel soooooooo proud of yourself for the steps you have made. Anyone is that situation would have handeled it hard so give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. My heart and prayers go out to your family. Very happy she came out of it so well. You now know that if you can go through that anxiety has nothing on you. You got it girl!!!!
Thanks for sharing your story.
Natalie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:25 pm

Hey Molly !

Science and Medicine have come a long way ! Congratulations on getting thru this. If you can get thru this, you can get thru anything !

MollySK · Post by **MollySK** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:18 pm

Thank you everyone, if it weren't for the skills I learnt here there was no way I would have been able to get through that. I was losing it a little a freaked a bit afterwards that I was losing my mind because I felt detached and like I was in a fog, I still do sometimes but I think it was the stress and sleep deprivation catching up to me. This support group really gives me the drive the keep going, thank you again everyone!
*hugs to all*

bradley1960 · Post by **bradley1960** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:56 am

Molly you certainly have learned the skills taught in this program. your journey thru that situation could have caused anyone to panic. even one who dose'nt suffer from anxiety and or depression. cograts on your daughters recovery. my prayers go out to your family. thanks for the inspiration God bless. Bradley