moving through anticipatory anxiety

goodwillchic · Post by **goodwillchic** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:19 am

So my downstairs neighbor has been playing his music super loud at all hours for the last few weeks. My fiance and I sometimes just sit in our livingroom marveling at how someone could play music that loud and not realize how rude it is. However, neither of us were willing to do anything about it. We'd never met our neighbor before plus we'll be moving out in a couple months...so don't cause waves right?

Well, after listening to Session 8 on how it is time to stop avoiding situation and start getting out there and facing our limitations I decided I HAD to say something. I HAD to face my fears and stand up for myself. So on my way home from work a couple days ago I listened to the tape on assertiveness then turned it off and practiced what I would say all the way home.

Getting through the "what if's" was very very hard. I walked up to our neighbor's door and turned around a couple times. I kept thinking, "What if he's way older than me? I'll feel so childish complaining about the volume of his music"; "What if he's got a terrible temper and yells at me?"; "What if he's crazy and kidnaps me?" .. okay, I know that last one is nuts, but it truely went through my mind. That's when I realized just how ridiculous I was being.

I decided to be more realistic..."So what if he gets mad, he's the one being rude, not me and we'll know we are making the right decision by moving" and I also tried some positive what if's..."What if he's my age and turns out to be really nice and we make friends with our neighbors?"

So I marched back to that door, took some deep breaths and knocked before I could change my mind. I stood tall (well, as tall as I can for 5'2"), used eye contact and made sure to use "I" statements. He was totally cool about it. He apologized and said it was no problem.

Now my negative self was telling me that even though I was assertive, it didn't mean he would follow through. But later that night we heard him turn on the music and instead of it shaking our stuff and making it impossible to hear our own music/TV, it was at a perfectly acceptable level.

I am so proud of myself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:30 am

great job you should be really proud of yourself we always think the worst of a situation and most of the time things turn out ok congrats

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 11:31 am

wow! thats amazin tht you went through with it! i hope your very proud of yourself. its amazing how those negative thoughts can limit our lives. also just so you know i have those same those when i have to approach ppl. even the last one. i know its crazy, but i hate to upset others jsut incase they get upset and go crazy on me and hard me. i just figured that these thought have alot to do with the fact we worry alot about what others think and also the fact we HAVE to be friends with EVERYONE and EVERYONE has to like us. btw good job!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 4:07 am

Goodwillchic

The day you move, you should buy a set of headphones with a nice bow on it and leave it on his door handle so his new neighbors won't have to listen to it at all ! LOL

~~ I understand about indicision, but I don't care if I get behind. People livin' in competition, all I want is to have my peace of mind~~~~~~

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 4:28 am

you did great being assertive. You found out that all people are not scary. I think that feeling like neighbors can be scary comes from watching the news too much. The news is always showing people doing crazy unexpected stuff. It keeps you on guard.

Another thing, sometimes people don't realize that they're doing certain thins. He may not have known how loud his music was or that it was bothering you. I know because I was one of those noisy music playing neighbors. My neighbor had to call me on the phone and in a joking manner let me know how loud my music was. Sometimes people really don't know.

epa · Post by **epa** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 1:24 pm

New to the program and grateful for this answer to my prayer.

Dido to all of the above. I have had the same problems,of not being assertive, being indecisive and non-confrontational. All people seem to do is walk all over you. Not anymore!
I love myself and seserve respect. Sufferer of AddHd depression and anxiety since age of 5.

God bless all !

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:48 am

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT!!! ya, anticipatory anxiety is my achilles heel...it drives me crazy how i overanalyze everything, from when I'm driving (what if someone crashes into me like last time? what if i do something a fellow motorist doesnt like, has road rage, gets out of the car, and rumbles w/ me?) or in class (what if i someone embarasses me like all the time in middle school?) but ya, just gotta flash that courage badge proudly.

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