achieving "normal" LOL

[karmaberry1]

sharing my positive self! it's a long read!!!!

the definition of normal varies from person to person. it always will. i didn't find myself "ab"normal when i couldn't leave the house. i was then just a person with a problem that kept me from doing what others had no trouble achieving - driving, going places alone, not worrying all the time about going crazy from anxiety, etc. blah blah blah. we've all been there! and that's what it was - a problem. i'll go you one better - a HUGE problem.

i listened to tapes, read everything probably ever written on self-esteem, medication, did talk therapy - you name it, i've got a computer trail out there LOL there are very few things i didn't panic or have severe anxiety over - you name it, i've feared it. and those fears were with me for years and years.

that being stated, over the last couple of years, i've come so far. i'm not bragging - i'm just sharing that if this can happen with me, it can and will happen with you.

i have a full-time job now that i'm able to drive myself to and from. i eat lunch almost every day downtown by myself. i walk my dogs by myself. i go grocery shopping by myself. a couple of weeks ago, i went to get my hair cut by myself. to some these are mundane, everyday things. to me they are THE WORLD. and all the time i'm out and about by myself, i'm having more fun than anyone in the galaxy. i feel more alive and happier than i've ever been.

i ask myself how i've come so far and have some answers. i've listened to lucinda's tapes - of course - and i've paid attention. i prefer paying attention to her positive solutions than the negative things going through my head. i've learned to breathe! i try to let go of the negative thoughts running through my head and refocus on the music i'm listening to, the sunshine, anything but what i'm doing to myself! i've learned to speak up when i feel there is a need to validate my feelings. i exercise almost daily with my dogs. i surround myself with people i like - people who are happy and positive and love to laugh. i choose - yes CHOOSE - to be as happy as i can.

do i still take medication? yes i do. does this embarrass or make me feel badly about the who of me? no - not a bit. i take 20 ml lexapro a day, 10 ml of inderal along with 5 ml of valium a day before i drive to work. this is the same amout i was taking when i could barely leave the house by myself.

daily, the limits of my boundaries expand. today i met 2 friends downtown for lunch - something i never even bothered myself to think about years ago because it was beyond a dream.

i'm not shy in telling anyone that i'm a recovering agoraphobic. so many know the definition - and for those who don't, i tell them what it is. if anyone thinks better or worse of me, well that's them - certainly not me!

i hope there's someone out there who reads this and finds some comfort. i never thought i could accomplish what i have. and again, i've never been happier.

karma

[Emma Rose]

wow , that is huge improvment im not that bad but read it was comforting.keep it up good luck to you.

[Guest]

Congratulations and thank you for sharing! When I read these posts I get so hopeful and it lifts me up! Keep making those strides!

[Guest]

These are the posts that just keep me going....I know being agoraphobic myself and learning my through this process how incredibly PROUD you should be of yourself....It is wonderful to read and so motivational. You keep living that life YOU want to live.....

[Guest]

i'm so glad to have such nice responses. do know that i'm so lucky in my friends. they have been instrumental in my recovering to this degree. they have followed me, they have been available on their phones, they have talked me into "breathing" and helped dispel so many negative "i know i can't do it" thoughts. they understood and understand that this is real to me - not some attention getting behavior. they don't make fun of my fears. they absolutely rock!

karma