jeckyl and hyde behavior

Gain an understanding of the various types of medications so you can make informed decisions on your long-term care.
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flynnsmom
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:22 pm

Post by flynnsmom » Tue Sep 30, 2008 10:08 am

I did something the other night I feel terrible about. I finally wrapped up a film making project and my husband and I felt so releived and exhilarated, we wanted to go out. I got drunk, which a rarely do-actually I rarely leave the house. There was a woman who sat at our table..I think she was a 'street girl', and I wanted to show her I don't judge people-it ended up I was practically only talking to her, paying attention to her etc. This is an old habit I have because my social skills are so weak, and I always feel like I have to 'over do it' when I drink. I am so sure people will not like me..I am always buying them drinks, listening intently and all of that. Well, this time my husband got very upset. He felt excluded, to the point where he even thought I was romantically interested in this girl ( not at all). I don't remember the last time a had a normal conversation with another woman. I feel I was very innappropriate and over course the next day, and the next I am full of worry and shame and can't make it to the mailbox even. I don't know why I go socially crazy drinking, but although it hasn't happened in a long time, I worry that It'll happen again (there are other issues going on that are 'what if-ing me to death). In the past, people have seen me all buddy buddy one night-then the next day I won't answer the phone. I hate this. I only want to find a happy medium with people (I have SAD and depression too). Today I wanted to kill myself. I feel so horrible, I can't describe it. I love my husband so much-he has been there for me always. Now I feel I put a scatch on the skin of a flawless love. I hate being me. danielle

njstme2
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 4:27 pm

Post by njstme2 » Tue Sep 30, 2008 10:37 am

I know what u dont need is for me to tell U I have been there too. We want answers.. Sticking to the program I am told will give us our life back. I do hope that talking this out as u did with us with your husband (as I have to with my loving husband .. ) will make him understand. we can not leave them in the dark if they dont know how or what our feeling and thoughts are.. remember.. they are our thougnts.. not necessarily RIGHT thoughts.. Breathe and believe in U. Only U can turn this around and be the person u once were.. we can do it..

Bob-o Bingo
Posts: 40
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:59 am

Post by Bob-o Bingo » Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:06 am

Originally posted by flynnsmom:
I did something the other night I feel terrible about. . . I hate being me. danielle
Danielle,
You're posting in the right place. Session 11 is a perfect place for you to vent about this. I can't recommend the Session 11 tape enough, especially at the 11-15 discussion chapters of the tape. I listened to it yesterday and had a real personal breakthru. I finally realized more fully just why I did the awful (illegal) things I did, and why I'm headed to State Prison in a few weeks.

I can tell you that what you did isn't your fault. Listen to the discussions at the end of Session 11. Carolyn Dickman's comments in particular were so cleansing for me. I realized that what I did isn't my fault, because I cannot help it that I've got rotten genes and/or a rotten upbringing. There is real hope in that wonderful Session 11 for you, and I know the other Sessions will help you too. Please give Session 11 a good listen. God bless!

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