Cycles of Alcoholism

MinnChad · Post by **MinnChad** » Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:08 pm

People, let me guide you through a world that is healthy and destructive at the same time.
A spectacle of amazing proportions, it will undoubtedly garner some of your attentions.

The real beef of this post is the cycles that I go through with alcohol. I want to know how many more of us do the same, though I'm confidant that many of us follow the same pattern.

I'm still drinking, and I'm in session 12. But let me tell you something else. I've been doing the program for 6 months. I have a habit of taking breaks from it to let the previous material to sink in.

I'm somewhat of a fish in a bowl, and at times, just as wet (or dry, depending on how you look at it).

I am in a circle of drinking when the stress hits. Most of it is social anxiety produced. The day after, the stress is under control. That's becuase of the booze from the night previous. You know...

So, the next day after drinking there is that feeling, that hangover, and the accompyaning lack of energy and self control.

That is what's called a low point. In a low point there's less self control, it's hard to catch negative thoughts, it's hard to cope.

The next day after the hangover day...
It's been over 24 hours since a drink. I'm feeling pretty good. I feel like I can cope again, but only so long as I don't beat myself up over failing myself by drinking too much.

The next day again...
I'm feeling pretty great as long as I'm practicing my skills. I have a good portion of control over my thoughts again, I'm so happy that I have this.

The next day after...
Now I haven't drank in days. That's great, I'm very happy about that, but I feel like there's an imbalance now. I feel like I'm getting a little anxious.

And the next day...
I'm feeling even more anxious now. I feel like I don't even want to do my lessons, I dont' want to try.

It's been 4 days now...
I'm so anxious now. I haven't drank in 4 days and that's exactly what it feels like. I'm losing control on the other end of the spectrum now. Before, when I had a hangover, I didn't have enough energy to want to care, now I just don't have enough focus!

On the 5th day...
I need a drink. Will I? I don't know, but it's very likely that I will. And if I don't and do the relaxation tape instead? Then I'll be OK, so long as I can concentrate on it.

That's my story. How many of you can relate to that cycle? To the fish swimming around in a bowl, passing the same things over and over?

rampamp · Post by **rampamp** » Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:02 pm

Can relate, tried to private message but would not work??
There is a lot of negitivism about alcohol use with this program.
Maybe you could contact me privately as I would like to discuss. of course I am on day 5....
ramp

Barbara U. Cherish · Post by **Barbara U. Cherish** » Sat Apr 05, 2008 3:26 pm

Dear MinnChad,

Some of our peers out there already know that my beautiful 42 year old daughter died Dec. 23, 2006. What they don't know is that she died of alcoholism. She was sober the last 6 months of her life with the help of AA. Had she joined sooner she could be alive today. However her health began to fail and she wouldn't even have been a good candidate for a transplant.
I don't want to tell anyone what to do but having been there with my daughter I would urge anyone with a drinking problem to check out AA and please get some help.

Had I known about this program sooner maybe I could have encouraged Whendy to go through it...I know she had some anxiety problems and maybe that's why she drank?...or maybe the anxiety brought on the drinking?

I just know I miss her terribly and I don't want this to happen to you!!!! Let this be a caution and think about how much you want to live?

She was sober and at peace toward the end....but you can't live without a functioning liver.

A big hug for you

Barbara U. Cherish

MinnChad · Post by **MinnChad** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:35 am

Thank you Barbara, you don't know how much that means to me.
I'm very sorry you lost your daughter to alcoholism.

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you're doing well.

A big hug back to you!

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:55 am

I can very much relate to what you are experiencing. I'm recovered for 22 years now, but was caught in a vicious cycle and wanted out in the worst way. I was scared, felt trapped. I didn't want to drink one day, then the next it's all I could think about. I got to where I felt so washed out and tired for 24 hours after getting high. It wasn't worth it anymore, but I couldn't break the cycle.

I prayed and had the friendship of good people who also prayed for me. I was embarrassed to tell them of my problem, but I did. I went to a few AA meetings and that was helpful. My strongest motivation was that I had never drank before age 24, so I knew what living without it was like and I wanted that back AND I had a son who was about a month old. I didn't want him growing up around alcohol. Over a period of two years I was able to finally break the cycle for good.

One of the worst things we can do in this cycle is beat ourselves up for drinking. This can create guilt and shame and, therefore, keep us in the cycle. Beating ourselves up destroys self esteem and it is self esteem, feeling good about ourselves and "okay" apart from being dependent on someone or something, we need to break the cycle.

I commend you for your honesty. For me to be as honest as you are in your situation would be very hard. Hopefully as you work the program the anxiety will become less and less and that will make it easier to stop drinking. I also think a good friend or friends who have experienced what you are going through can be good emotional support as you seek to change. Acceptance and love from others and from yourself are absolutely necessary in order to recover.

Laura Carlson · Post by **Laura Carlson** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 4:46 am

Boy, can I relate to minn. I am brand new to this program, just have it on "lease". (cant afford to purchase it.) But I have the same problem. I binge drink. So far, I can go up to 10 days without alcohol. I know it is non-productive for me. the 1st 3-4 days after, I am depressed, I isolate myself from the world and beat myself up over everything that has happened in my life. Then I feel good, am proactive and "smell the roses". "I can do this". And I'm good - for awhile. Then something stupid triggers me to drink again. It is a viscious cycle I am in. I have lost confidence as well as my self-esteem. Not suicidal, but do have fleeting moments. Life sucks, I'm not worth the air that I breath, etc. etc. My adult children would never forgive me - hence I will never act upon it. I know I need a support system, but when I am living in this cycle, I either think I don't need it, or can't get myself to do it. Heck, today is the 4th day I haven't been out of the house!!

( Gonna try though. Wish me luck.

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:13 am

Laura,

I do think support is very important. If you go to an AA meeting you're not obligated to do anything. Maybe you'll meet someone there who you can get to know on a friendship basis and go from there. I attended for a short while and never felt pressured. You are worth it to find sobriety for yourself and freedom again. It took me 2 years to break free completely. I encourage you to try to break free without expectation, nothing more, that's all we can do. Wishing you luck. Thanks for posting. Keep seeking support. There are a lot of good people on this forum. We are all in recovery in one form or another.

Laura Carlson · Post by **Laura Carlson** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 6:04 am

AGREED. WILL DO - TODAY

*D* · Post by ***D*** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 2:50 am

laura,
i know what it is like to have walked in your shoes. and by the grace of GOD he has bought me though it and took the desire to drink away from me..you can read my profile because it is too long to post on here.but just to let you knowyou can get your selfesteem back and hold your head high.it was not you that caused what happened but he was part of it..sorry that you had to go throuh so much. you are in our thoughts and pprayers and i wish you the best of luck. the program that you are taking is a GOD SEND..take it one day at a time with drinking. and each day that you do not is a victory..GOD BLESS
DON
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHEN ME..

BigCountry · Post by **BigCountry** » Mon Apr 28, 2008 4:18 pm

I am recovered 2 and 1/2 years and I do it through regurally attending AA meetings. If you can quit drinking and your life gets better with no religion or support group then God Bless ya but in reality this rarely happens.

Mydrinking isn't the problem it's my thinking. I get restless, irretable, and discontent. In other words my life can feel even worse dry if I am not accountable for my actions DAILY.

Well good luck to you all!