Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 9:51 am
the following are necessary math questions for southerners. there are several any southerner will automatically know. i had to use a calculator to answer questions 4, 6, and 8. for the rest of the answers, i used my southern heritage. i gave my answers as some of you aren't southern. feel free to change or add new answers and forward.
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1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. answer: a plastic bag from walmart will hold a dead possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO
answer: these cars are considered classics in the south and, as such, are driven daily along my work route
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? answer: i plead a fifth
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser's will be drunk before the trees are cut down? answer: a lot
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed? this is a trick question. one must add in the number of cousins who married cousins, then divide by brothers and sisters who legally wed each other. note: remember to factor in their children.
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? answer: if feng shui is done correctly, of course
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? please define muffler
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer? the correct answer is pi
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if you hold onto the handle, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control ... but it's more fun if you just let wind carry you ...
karma
.
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. answer: a plastic bag from walmart will hold a dead possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO
answer: these cars are considered classics in the south and, as such, are driven daily along my work route
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? answer: i plead a fifth
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser's will be drunk before the trees are cut down? answer: a lot
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed? this is a trick question. one must add in the number of cousins who married cousins, then divide by brothers and sisters who legally wed each other. note: remember to factor in their children.
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? answer: if feng shui is done correctly, of course
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? please define muffler
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer? the correct answer is pi
--
if you hold onto the handle, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control ... but it's more fun if you just let wind carry you ...
karma
