Hi People!!!!
Posted: Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:52 pm
Wake up and smell the coffee!!!
Why did the strawberry cry? 'Cause his Mom was in a jam.
Didn't like that one? I wonder why.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
You’re not drunk if you can lay on the floor with out holding on. Yeeeeeehawwww!!!
Two hunters were out hunting. Suddenly, one keeled over and lay on the ground motionless. The other checked his vital signs. Then he calls 911. When he gets the operator at 911 he says, "My friend just collapsed. I think he may be dead." The 911 operator replies, "Well, you need to be sure that he is dead." A few seconds later the operator hears a gun shot. Then the hunter replies, "Okay, what now?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I like telling jokes but these are getting rather dated.
Something I have noticed with myself is that it's hard to be depressed if I am trying to be funny. The wife enjoys my humor. She looks at me and just starts to laugh. I like that. I just hope she's thinking I'll make a funny remark, rather than thinking I look funny, although at 70 years of age I have to say this banana is way over ripe. If you don't have a dirty mind you won't think anything of that last remark. If you do, please call my cell phone at BR5 555-5555.
At about 66 my skin started getting crepe. No, I didn't say creepy, I said crepe. Although it is creepy that this happens to us all as we get old. Sigh. There are skin lotions that really do take away the crepe look. They cost a fortune, though, like $40 a jar that would last maybe 2 weeks.
So, do I have a future in stand-up comedy? Please text your vote to BR5 555-5555.
Why did the strawberry cry? 'Cause his Mom was in a jam.
Didn't like that one? I wonder why.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
You’re not drunk if you can lay on the floor with out holding on. Yeeeeeehawwww!!!
Two hunters were out hunting. Suddenly, one keeled over and lay on the ground motionless. The other checked his vital signs. Then he calls 911. When he gets the operator at 911 he says, "My friend just collapsed. I think he may be dead." The 911 operator replies, "Well, you need to be sure that he is dead." A few seconds later the operator hears a gun shot. Then the hunter replies, "Okay, what now?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I like telling jokes but these are getting rather dated.
Something I have noticed with myself is that it's hard to be depressed if I am trying to be funny. The wife enjoys my humor. She looks at me and just starts to laugh. I like that. I just hope she's thinking I'll make a funny remark, rather than thinking I look funny, although at 70 years of age I have to say this banana is way over ripe. If you don't have a dirty mind you won't think anything of that last remark. If you do, please call my cell phone at BR5 555-5555.
At about 66 my skin started getting crepe. No, I didn't say creepy, I said crepe. Although it is creepy that this happens to us all as we get old. Sigh. There are skin lotions that really do take away the crepe look. They cost a fortune, though, like $40 a jar that would last maybe 2 weeks.
So, do I have a future in stand-up comedy? Please text your vote to BR5 555-5555.