Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 3:45 pm
I'm doing terrible right now, darn BP meds giving me a heck of a time. Here's a few jokes. Hope they brighten yor day.
"SAD NEWS"....
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flakey at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift
keep smiling
_______________________________________________________
BLIND MAN IN A BIKER BAR
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.? After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.? In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb.? Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister.? Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
___________________________________________________
NEW SUPERMARKET
Just in case one opens in your area!
A new supermarket opened in Tampa, Florida . It has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear
the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you
experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled
steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and
the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked
bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
"SAD NEWS"....
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flakey at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift
keep smiling
_______________________________________________________
BLIND MAN IN A BIKER BAR
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.? After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.? In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb.? Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister.? Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
___________________________________________________
NEW SUPERMARKET
Just in case one opens in your area!
A new supermarket opened in Tampa, Florida . It has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear
the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you
experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled
steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and
the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked
bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
