Personal Ads for people with Anxiety/Panic/Depression

[mmwillie928]

seeking place of employment where there is absolutely no broken glass as i wouldn't want a shard of glass to get in someone's drinking glass and cause slow painful deaths of which i would be responsible.
seeking a machine to follow me around that would clean up any possible spills coming from me, and i mean any drops what so ever! that way i wouldn't have to worry about anyone slipping and that being my fault.
seeking a perfectly clean environment. clean door handles especially important! after all, who knows who last touched it and wouldn't want to have a trace of any uncleanness which would undoubtedly spread a deadly disease.
seeking a way to enjoy eating peanuts or any kind of nut without having to worry that i will have a trace of oil from the nuts on my hands and it will get to someone else who has a nut allergy and kill them.
looking for hair product that will not cause me to worry that because i have some left on my hands that i can't touch the stair rail cause someone may touch the rail and slip on the hair product, and if they have an accident it will be my fault.
wanted: a person to follow me and clean up the counter when i lean on it and have just been in my boxer shorts, cause i know that leaning up on the counter or against a dish towel i will undoubtedly spread an STD to my family. also looking for a bubble to walk around in so that there is no possibility of spreading STD's to my family.

[rawrsalot]

Lol! Love these. Ok, here goes:

MWF seeks beefy man who loves crying, cuddling, and late-night ice cream binges. Must enjoy sadness, misery and contempt for others and their "happiness." Irritability 24/7 makes me swoon. Let's crawl into the fetal position and ball our eyes out together. Namasté.

[rawrsalot]

Wanted: Man who is severly depressed, comparable to the character of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Mild depression will not due. My perfect man will be so depressed that people will cry just from looking at how sad he is. He will not talk but will only mutter "Why me?" when I give him permission to speak

LOl!!! omg rotfl!

[AnxietyMe]

Single female seeking male companion/caretaker/enabler to: drive long distances for me, must work in the medical field in some manner to assess all/any ailments, enable my unreasonable thought processes, must hate erratic/unplanned/unsafe behavior, must love to listen to non-stop worrying and hypochondria, must sleep with the television on, and provide constant one sided support for me.

Other job ahem I mean relationship requirements include turning off the news whenever something disturbing comes on, shielding my eyes when someone severely ill is around, telling me I am not going to die numerous times daily, and never allowing me on WebMD.com..

Seeking someone who never complains, is stable, never negative, always available for late night crying sessions, and will be able to put up with my crap.

Pay- negotiable but unlikely.

[LauraLL]

I am a female reflection of Freakout. O and Wholegrain you left out the chance that a shark might hurl itself onto the beach and attack. Funny stuff.

[jameys]

Do you enjoy long walks on the beach while worrying about being caught in a hurricane, stepping on a jellyfish, or being attacked by seagulls? Is your idea of a romantic date spending lovely evenings together in the emergency room for a runny nose? If so, then you're the guy for me! If you work up the courage to reply and I work up the courage to answer, maybe, just maybe we could see the start of something wonderful.

haha well your to funny.but im just like that sometimes i think im going nuts but thats ok i am a nut lol lol

[BlueD]

This is all good stuff!!