Personal Ads for people with Anxiety/Panic/Depression

Somtimes it helps just to laugh.
lovelysmile
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 12:23 am

Post by lovelysmile » Wed Feb 24, 2010 7:55 pm

This was so funny!!!! specially the adds!!! I love them!!! Everytime I read this funny things I realized I'm not from another planet! :)

Lovelysmile :)

ship2shore
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2008 4:25 pm

Post by ship2shore » Sat Feb 27, 2010 8:07 am

If you want a good time call 555-Whatnext...I promise an evening of angst, difficulty breathing, and frayed nerves while we sit in the dark quietly waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Live2Dance
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:58 pm

Post by Live2Dance » Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:37 pm

Hi, I am a single white hypochondriac female seeking an internet surfer to research all the possible diseases I have at 22 years of age. I love adventure!! I’m not afraid to jump out of a car on a highway at the onset of a panic attack, I hope you can keep up! ;) Must possess analytical skills to help me determine whether today I’m having a heart attack, brain aneurysm, stroke, or developing a tumor! I enjoy bonding at the ER, and cuddling by the fireplace – but of course there must be at LEAST two carbon monoxide detectors just in case “the silent killer” is on the prowl. One is not enough, what if the battery dies?? I need a man that can be prepared! I hope you enjoy staying in the same place, because you won’t get this girl on a plane! And be careful not to say anything scary, negative, or in the English language that I can understand because I’ll just take it and trail off into about 239029402 “what if” thoughts! But we can brainstorm together ;)

Added bonus: knowing CPR in case I stop breathing :) My romeo!!!

Hot Rod
Posts: 130
Joined: Mon Nov 29, 2004 2:00 am

Post by Hot Rod » Wed Mar 03, 2010 5:07 pm

ROFL! Live2dance adn ship2shore, that was HILARIOUS!

Oooh, thanks for the giggle before I go to bed...
Focus on what you want, not what you fear...

Shifrah
Posts: 363
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:28 pm

Post by Shifrah » Sun Mar 07, 2010 1:35 am

ROFL those are hilariously CRAZY!

The irony of it is that we couldn't stand each other! We are really looking for someone who will put up with us!

Wanted: Extremely patient individual who can handle my frequent trips to the bathroom; who can help calm me when I get obsessive about every morsel that goes into my mouth; a person who will enable my habits of having to sit in an aisle seat in churches, movie theaters and planes; who won't yell at me if I obsess a little about a chest pain; someone who will back off when I have violent mood swings; and someone who won't tell me to "get help" when I have gone over the edge!
Shif.

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

Azureness
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2010 12:48 pm

Post by Azureness » Mon Mar 08, 2010 12:49 pm

Wanted- A really tall guy who is a lot uglier and louder than me so no one can tell im freaking out cus hes too busy worrying about how he might have a hole in his colon because of this tiny amount of gas pain. He must be able to yell 'Oh my gosh I think im gonna die call an ambuance!' in large public places and then call 2 of them. One for me too cus Im freaking out because he is freaking out.

Kay Pierson
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:12 am

Post by Kay Pierson » Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:52 am

Originally posted by Dawn_Izza(_E=mc2_):
Wanted: Man who loves to worry and doesn't mind if his girlfriend thinks she is having a heart attack constantly, or that the steak she just ate is going to cause one, OR the fact that she has diarhea has to be because she has colon cancer. It would also be nice if the guy never wants to leave town or do anything that would require travelling on a plane or by car for more than 2 hours. Guys that like things planned in advance need not apply. I'm all about doing things when I wanna do them depending on the level of anxiety for the day! I love to go to movies, concerts, and comedy clubs as long as I have an end seat or know how long the activity is going to last, and also where the nearest hospital is located. I like big guys so that I feel safe walking down a dark alley with them. Short, scrawny guys need not apply since that adds to the anxiety of worrying about having to kick somebody's ass if they approach us in a dark alley...

(I do have a great guy though that has stood by me through all this CRAP! He's a big guy and I love him very much!!)

Kay Pierson
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:12 am

Post by Kay Pierson » Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:55 am

Dawn You hit it right on the spot the constant worry over having a heart attack the colon cancer I even give myself syptoms of my sides hurting those are the same 2 problems I have got would love to hear from you on how you are doing and putting it ou of your mind I seem to be going back and forth one day I am good the next I have constant worry again.

HebbReese
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2010 2:08 pm

Post by HebbReese » Mon Apr 26, 2010 8:31 am

This is hysterical!! I was trying to come up with my own wanted ad, but I couldn't decide if I wanted a knight in shining armor who was helpful and wouldn't judge or someone to share in my misery. So I'll do one of each! :)

Wanted: Single, tall and stocky male who won't mind picking me up after I've hyperventalated and passed out. Male must be be willing to carry toliet paper and toliet seat covers, as I am a germaphobe and my IBS tends to act up any time I go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone. He also must be willing to stand outside of the womens bathroom and sing or talk loudly so that no one out there can here what I'm doing. Must be internet savvy, and familiar with such websites as WebMD, so that he can help me reseach the newest disease that is going to kill me, and once we find it insist that I go to the doctor "just to be safe". Someone who won't find hours of my obsessive worrying annoying, or uninteresting. Someone who will take my warnings of such things like the return of The Plague, government conspiracies, terrorist attacks, or impending alien invasions seriously. Also must be willing to carry a suit case full of extra clothes and supplies in case I get too sweaty, spill something on myself or we get stranded somewhere. He also should find my sweatiness, trembling, and nervous twitches endearing. Must be trained in CPR and First aid.

Wanted: Single male who fears long walks on the beach, road trips, shopping, crowds of any kind, and doctors. Must also be petrified of public speaking, choking, and suffocation. He should love long internet searches to figure out what this rash might be, why I feel like this, or what the symptoms of cancer, brain tumors, and heart attacks might include. Sweaty, overthinking, paranoid men, with fears of empending bladder explosion are encouraged to reply.

Oh my goodness, I don't think I could handle dealing with someone like myself. I suddenly have a new found respect for my husband! :D

carsoncappo
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:07 am

Post by carsoncappo » Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:07 am

I'm really married but for the sake of humor, I must place my ad.

Trumpet sounding: Attention, 6 ft, 195lb male who is very athletic, but you would never know it because if my heart rate gets higher than a resting rate, I freak out and have to go to the ER. I also have a doctorate in WebMdology, Panicology, Agraphobiaology, Crazyology and just plain Retardology.

I enjoy log walks to the mailbox but quick sprints back inside. I enjoy long romantic dinners lasting only 5 to 6 minutes (thats how long it takes before my buddy panic comes and visits).

I'm a proud father of two. I have to kids named Blood pressure machine and One Touch Glucose monitor that go everywhere I do.

I have several fatal illnesses at the present time, the only problem is that I don't really know what they are but I'm almost positive because of this weird pain in my toe that I will die of a heart attack or brain tumor next week. It's all related you know, those toes and hearts.

I'm skilled at checking my pulse without anyone seeing. I'm skilled in having a conversation with people but yet in my mind looking for the nearest exit for which I will make my speedy escape.

I'm presently working on my book of the top five star emergency rooms of northeast Louisiana. It should be out soon. I have a few more that I need to revisit.

As you can see, there so much to love.

Please contact me ASAP.

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