Disturbing thoughts that seem like memories

Calm before the Storm · Post by **Calm before the Storm** » Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:54 pm

I didn't want to bring this up at first because I figured it would be too wierd, and there may be some people who might be a little disturbed by this. So, whoever reads this and answers, try not to let this thought bother you.
Do you know what scary thoughts I hate the most? The ones that masquerade as memories. I have been getting these a lot. Disturbing thoughts that come with an image which is so vivid you nearly believe it to be one of your own memories. I hate that. If anyone has ever experienced these and has lived through them then I would like some help. Otherwise, if you havn't, then I doudt you know what I'm talking about.
(Caution, what i am about to tell you may not be for the faint of heart)
For example, I have this odd fear that I am really an artificial intellegence in some sort of digital universe. Now, I have learned to calm myself out of this fear for the longest time, but a short while ago, before new year's eve, this very vivid image popped into my head. And it is this; I saw myself as some robot hooked up to some computer in some wierd lab. But that's not what scared me. Now, the fact that the image was so vivid that it seemed like it might be some sort of long lost memory, that's what scared me.
Now, I know thes are just thoughts produced by anxiety, But I never believed they would ever take form like that.
If anyone has experienced these random thoughts that seem like memories I would invite them to tell me what they know about them. Otherwise I may be too much of a complex individual.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:11 am

I suppose this kind of thing is tied in with impending doom as well as many other things that come to my mind. Still it's a little odd.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:40 am

i don't know if this is the same but i tend to look back over my life and look to make sure i didn't do something horrible and somehow had just put it out of my mind...i can make myself sick worrying that i've actgually done something even though i can't honestly remember doing anything. i know i would never do the things i worry and wonder about.

you know that movie with jon carey where is it the truman show? i've had that feeling before. like am i living some life and people are watching me on tv somewhere?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:46 am

Yeah, I've seen that movie before, and I can completely relate to that. The feeling of being watched I mean.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 11:21 am

I have not had anything as scary as that, but my own issue was extremely scary. I used to take a nap and I would wake up to hear my husband come into the room and start talking to me and when I would try to turn over, I could not move. I would pray to God to please let me move! I thought the devil was after me and I would keep praying and finally I would move. I always believed I was awake when these "episodes" would happen. They have happended in various forms over the years and have not happened in a long time. A therapist had explained to me that it may have been from my struggle w/ religion. I was in my early 20's and was stressed w/ the Catholic reliion. A friend was teaching me born again Christianity and I was so afraid of going to Hell and the Devil, and was told that the more I thought of GOd and did God's work the devil would try to take it away. That may have been the reason. To this day I cannot watch a movie or read a book if the devil is in it. I am scared to death. So maybe it is some kind of fear that causes weird stuff. Sometimes when I am in my room still I will feel the bed move a weird way or be sitting still and my husband just got up to go to the bathroom but the bed felt like he just got in it. I jump so high and wonder what was that? Is there a ghost? Is it in my head? Is it the bed adjusting? Well I just let out my deepest scariest thoughts. Now I am embarrassed, but can't tell anyone else and nobody here can see me so what the heck.
Thanks for listening.
Hopeful

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:21 am

Yeah, I've been through that kinda thing before, Hopfulme. When I was in my teens I had that kind of problem, in the Mormon religion. And as you probably know Mormons are very strict on alot of things. And I was always afraid of much the same things at that time. Things like hell and all that jazz. But I got over that fear with the realization that I have never done anything wrong in my life and have come to the conclusion that I am a good person in all. And even if I had done things which were offensive I always realized God is all forgiving and there is no need to worry. I think HopfulMe, that the strange things you were experiencing were caused by fear, and I know God would not want us to live in fear. God loves you no matter what you have done. Your biggest critic is yourself.

Snowqueen · Post by **Snowqueen** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:32 am

Now, about the above topic I posted. I have come to the conclusion, after some careful thinking, that the images I have been seeing in my mind while thinking of these scary thoughts were not memories at all, just plain images I had made up. After some consideration I have discovered that IMAGES ACCOMPANY THOUGHTS.
When I discovered this I was like "of course!". A person can make up vivid images of places or things which he/she has never been to or seen before. Yes, I think that is simply the way of the human imagination and the subconcious. Am I right?

luvpiggy · Post by **luvpiggy** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:53 am

Calm before the storm:
Thanks for the kind words. You are right I was filled with fear. I was so scared out of my mind for a long time. I am better now and know that GOD loves me and feel that whatever I do He'll forgive me, but I still don't like hearing about you know who. I wonder if that will go away? You know those intrusive thoughts? A vampire can't come in unless you invite him in? Well my (i call it my second mind) would think that I was going to invite him in. I would say nooo I'm not! My second mind had a lot of weird things to say. Other people that I know though have told me they have a second mind. I guess it is what we call intrusive thoughts. We are not thinking them but they are coming in all the same. Anyway I feel much better these past years and am feeling better everyday regarding that. It is the rest of the anxiety that I have to work on now. Also knowing that it is and was anxiety has taken a big load off my mind. I thought I was schizo or something. But I was told if you think you are insane then you probably are not, because people who are insane don't know it.
Still HOPEFULL

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:55 pm

Now that's something I did not consider before. People who are insane don't know it. That is comforting to know. Before I got ahold of the "Combatting Stress and Depression Program" program I had always believed that if somebody suffered from anxiety for too long they eventually would go insane. But I found out that if that were true then I would have gone insane a long time ago. For I have suffered from this condition for far too long, and I am in need of change. Though, I am still struggling within myself to make that change happen. I still have mythical phobias and scary thoughts, which as the days go by, are getting worse and worse. But I perservere nonetheless. Without exactly knowing how I hold on, I just do.
Josh

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 5:26 am

Hopeful Me - There is a very simple explanation about why you could not move when your husband came in to talk to you while you were napping. You were between a wakeful place and sleep. All you have to do is breathe slowly and say relax and your body does what you want it to do.

This is not an uncommon experience.

You both are way too much in your heads and need to practice observation of your thoughts. Stop identifying with them. Just watch them and learn to not react by bringing yourself back to your breath and focus your attention on that alone. (Your way is much more entertaining, I realize, but it's also a painful way to go about your day.) Just remind yourself that It's just the phobic mind. I do not have to give any of this any energy.

Use your stop sign after your first thought. Then your calm breath. Then get busy in the moment with something constructive. Keep your attention on what you are doing instead of the content of your mind.

You were born phobic and your mind is going to conjur up all kinds of "stuff". That's the nature of the phobic mind. There is no other explanation. Stop scaring yourselves.