Stress Center Peer Support

So! I too am a sufferer because of my thoughts. As a child I remember going through this same thing...I would constantly think a bad thought, then ask mom if I was going to hell. It eventually faded..but now its back. I remember when I was a little girl, a girl in my class died of a heart problem. So for a month I would make mom check my heart before I went to bed and tell me that I wouldnt die. I then went thru a phase where I thought I had breast cancer and would have mom check to make sure I had no lumps in my breasts. So I guess there were signs when I was younger...but eventually It went away and for almost 15 years I never struggled with that again.
Now im twenty and I cant shake this. I constantly have terrible thoughts about people I love, people I dont even know, and just random stupid perverted thoughts. I get to sick because I feel so terrible and scared for thinking such things. I also have these horrible thoughts about Jesus. Its like everything I dont want to think, I think. I am a Christian and I live my life for Christ. I would never think such things about him, these thoughts do not portray my heart. I know that Jesus looks at my heart, but its so hard to feel normal while thinking such terrible things about my Savior. I have begged God for healing but, its almost like I wont let myself be free of this? I am constantly checking myself to see if the thoughts are still there. And of course they are. I need some encouragement that I will get past this and my life will not always be like this. I would never commit suicide but sometimes I feel like I just cant live this way forever. I feel so hopeless. Its like all day everyday Im either thinking these thoughts or thinking about them. I went to the doctor and she gave me Pristiq..I took it but the side effects (insomnia, anxiety, hot flashes) were too much to handle so I stopped it.
This all started when I began having panic attacks. I had my first one at a church conference with Jentzen Franklin, he was talking about a man who went to sleep, and in his dream he went to hell. It scared me so bad that I basically ran out of that place. Somehow when having a panic attack my mind convinces me that a demon is attacking me or trying to get inside me, and that sends me into a frenzy, I just lose it. In reality i know they cant get in me bc Jesus is in me. I get so scared that I will see something demonic or crazy, and that I will be put into a crazy bin. I never have, but its just a fear of mine. I am scared that this will be me forever and that it will eventually drive me to insanity. I try not to let it effect my daily life, I am still active, but I know people can see that I am down sometimes. Its like an emotional roller coaster. One minute im convinced that ill be okay, then the next im feeling so down and doomed.
I know I have a lot of stress in my life, I got married last year, my family who I spent every weekend with just moved 5 hours away bc my dads job..so I only see them like once a month (my little sister is my best friend)..im having some marriage problems..money problems..i dunno. I wonder if stress could be the cause of this? Right now its just hard to see the end of the tunnell, althought I know my God can do anything, im just waiting, praying, and reading his word. I have a wonderful youth pastor who has dropped everything and ran to my rescue when I was breaking down, and he understands where I am coming from. But still, I need some hope that my mind wont always control me and leave me in such a predicament. Its almost become a habit to think these thoughts, and they make me so sad. Im just not me anymore, im so scared.

Hi mallory,

You are not alone...many, many others have similar fears and thoughts. You are not going to go insane and will not lose your mind.

Every thought we have is from within, we feed our minds so many lies and we have practised all this thought behaviour for a long time so we are very good at scaring ourselves with thoughts of all kinds of things, dying, illnesses, diseases, driving, feeling affraid of everything in life. We are in a self destruct mode throughout the days and we can learn to control how and what we think.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself is something I have believed in for years and it helps me a lot.

remember that your negative thoughts are making you feel everything and as you do the program you will learn how to stop fearing these thoughts and how to change them into positive, healthy thoughts. It's going to take time so for now do some deep breathing, find anything that distracts you in a good way and start telling yourself these are only thoughts that I tell myself, I don't have to believe them as they are not the truth.

you are a good person, say kind words to yourself, believe in all that you know is good and practise those beliefs...try to calm your mind and body.

You can do this, we are all here to help each other work through our issues so come here often and never feel alone!!

God Bless, BELIEVE IN YOU AND THE TRUTH ABOUT GOD WANTING YOU TO FEEL WELL AND HAPPY.

hi mallory and yes god is really good.im a regular person just like you .and by reading what you have explained has gave me hope that im not the only one..because at times it seems as if my life is going to be destructed with depression and axiety for ever...but i highly thank god for taking me through this.he only put this depression on us for a moment of time because he loves us so much he knows that this is the way hes going to get us to walk with him truley testing are faith and seeing if we can make it with all are hearts filled with faith and no comnplaints.because once he sees are full dedication.are big breakthrough is goin to cum through..ive been depressed for 2years and i finally reconized what i have to do to get up and reciebve my breakthrough so could give my testimony as lucinda bassett done..so me being a godly person..i learned alot goin through this phase of d&a..and one of the main objectives that ive learned is this.[GOD SAID FEAR NONE BUT HIM..BASICALLY SAYING IF YOU FEAR SOMETHING OTHER THAN GOD THAN YOUR NOT A FULL WLKER OF FAITH BECAUSE YOUR NOT LISTENING TO YOUR CREATOR AND YOUR BASICALLY DOIN OTHER WAISE WHICH WOULD KEEP YOU FROM GETTING YOUR BIG MIRACLES BREAKTHROUGH FROM GOD]..ALSO ANOTHER TIP..WHICH SOLVES IT ALL.{WHY THINK NEGATIVE HOPELESS THOUGHTS WHEN ITS DOIN NOTHING BUT MAKING YOU WORST AND DIRECTING YOU AWAY FROM GOD.GIVING YOU NO BENEFITS..I RATHER THINK POSITIVE AND FEEL WORST..BEING A TRUE CHILD OF GOD IS NOT BECOMING A LOVER OF THE EARTH.SO WHAT EVA IT IS GOD WANTS US TO DO SHALL BE DONE ACCORDING TO HIS WILL..

Please do some research on OCD scary thoughts, you will get alot of information. Also please read Imp Of The Mind as well. The book helped me tremoundsly!

As a former sufferer of basically everything you just described. You are STILL yourself! You are not hopeless. You can go on!

You say:

"Now im twenty and I cant shake this. I constantly have terrible thoughts about people I love, people I dont even know, and just random stupid perverted thoughts. I get to sick because I feel so terrible and scared for thinking such things. I also have these horrible thoughts about Jesus. Its like everything I dont want to think, I think."

You continue to have these thoughts because they bother you so much. You're not accepting them for what they are. You believe they mean something more or that you are going crazy.

"I have begged God for healing but, its almost like I wont let myself be free of this? I am constantly checking myself to see if the thoughts are still there."

I'm not saying God can't heal you. But heal you from what? Your thoughts? By this constant testing and fearful reaction to these thoughts, you have placed MAJOR significance on them. Let them come, let them go. Accept them as part of the complete "anxiety" condition. I know how disturbing they are, but trust me. If you can't relax your body toward the thoughts, you can at least relax your attitude toward them. I'm sure you've heard the story, "Don't think of a pink elephant." You will continue to have these thoughts as long as you try not to, and as long as you see them for something more than a thought.

I also notice you trying to blame the thoughts on some outside source and not accepting that you are keeping this cycle going. Fear, adrenaline, fear. Or thought, adrenaline, thought. Feelings and thoughts of no great medical significance. They are nothing more than sensitized reaction to thoughts. Thoughts that are normal and to be expected in the circumstances.

Crazy bins are for crazy people. I assure you, they certainly aren't concerned about controlling scary thoughts or their reaction to them.

Don't fight these thoughts, accept them, accept, accept, accept. Do the opposite of what you have been doing. Let them come, let the anxiety/panic come and do whatever it wants to you. Once you realize that they have never, nor will they ever harm you. You gradually lose your fear of them. Good Luck!

Try to understand that you are not your thoughts. We as human beings have thoughts. You are not the thinker, believe it or not. Thoughts just happen. They can not be taken seriously. As phobics, we have very creative imaginations. Derik has given you immensely good information. Another book to read is by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. He is very clear on our thoughts and how to handle them. When you allow your thoughts to come and go without your reaction to them they slow down. They come less and less. When you give them no power (your reaction to them) they just come and go like a passing cloud. You can dismiss them easily. You must practice watching your thoughts. There is nothing you need to "do". Just watch and allow them to come and go. You have obsessive scary thinking. It's no big deal. Put your arms around yourself and look in the mirror and love yourself, including your mind. Use your breath work to help slow things down. Keep busy in the present moment. Do not talk back to these thoughts. Just stay present with what you are doing. Focus on your breath. Focus on where the sensations are in your body. Don't let your thoughts tell you about how you feel. Just feel. Thought will try to drag you back in but just gently bring yourself back to your breath or something you are doing in the present moment. Welcome it all, and allow it its passage.

When you practice you will get very good at dismissing the negative thoughts.

Write ten wonderful things down about yourself. Add ten new ones everyday.

You'll be OK.

I just am now reading some of your responses to this post I wrote a while ago. Thank you all so much for your kind words, I am still struggling, but I am in a better place and am now dealing with my anxiety. I do realize that this is something that Im partly doing to myself, and the basis of it is FEAR.