What about obsessive thoughts that aren't scary?

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 6:30 am

I've had tons of obsessive thoughts in the past (not to do with knives, but with pushing people down staircases), but lately most of my obsessive thoughts aren't "scary," per se. They either involve music or sex.

For the first one, I'd read or hear the name of a band (I don't need a song even), but then a song by the band would loop itself forever in my head, usually in a two or four bar phrase. I've found that the best way to get rid of this is to keep my iPod with me so I can play another song to get rid of it.

The other thought is that it's become painfully obvious to me now that I obsess over women. I think, "Well, if only I could date [insert woman's name] all my problems would be solved." I've started to realize that this is just fantasy, but I've started to obsess over them big time.

It's getting to the point where I don't know what to listen to in my head. In the past I'd be with a girl on a date and my brain would be screaming at me to kiss her, my lips would be burning, etc. I used to think it was lust, or love, or that the air was sparking with electricity. Now I wonder if it's OCD and if I should just ignore it.

And what's the difference between lust and OCD? Aren't they just both irrational thoughts?

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 4:23 pm

um, how are you in session 10, doogiet? are ya goin' through the program start to finish and at a moderate pace? . . . hmmm?

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:55 pm

Oh, hush, you.

(I skipped ahead because I listened to the program ten years ago).

No, I'm still on Week 2. (Hangs head in shame).

-d-

DerikForChrist · Post by **DerikForChrist** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 6:36 pm

These thoughts aren't scary to you, but they sure disturb you. Having a song play over and over in your head is totally normal. It happens to us all, even people without anxiety/OCD/panic. You'll notice it happens more when you're tired or haven't gotten enough sleep/rest or nutrition. When your mind is tired it's more difficult to dismiss thoughts and every obsessive thought seems to cling more stubbornly.

By focusing on the song/thought, you continue the cycle and start getting upset, maybe not upset, but you're trying to blame it on OCD, or some other outside source. Accept that it's your own mind.

I think every man is on board with you, when you say you obsess about women, lust and wanting to date women is far from OCD. It's called being male. You're reading way too much into these thoughts and have created your own obsessions by not accepting them as normal thought caused from fear and fatigue.

I wouldn't ignore or blame these feelings/thoughts on OCD. I would accept them as normal feelings/thoughts under the circumstances and stop being so impressed by them. When you say it's OCD, you've assigned a label for the thought(s). My advice is simple. Acknowledge the thought, accept it and go about your business.

You'll begin to notice when the thoughts are invited, they don't show up for the party.

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:57 pm

well, well, well. derek had mercy on ya. (awesome advice.) now go back to lesson 2, d.

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Tue Dec 23, 2008 2:38 am

My own experience with the women part is that lustful thoughts and "taking matters into our own hands" as a result [sorry Stress center] can be normal on the bell curve or it can be more towards the extreme side, either an addiction or something approaching it.

Love needs not met in childhoold can create obsessive behaviors in adulthood manifesting themselves as alcoholism, drug abuse, sex obsession or addiction, workaholism, rageaholic, etc.

The good news is the program can help us parent ourselves, empower us to meet those needs to a large degree so that the obsessions can subside over time. Some disagree on this forum, but in my view that's why we need to go back to our original family and try and figure out just what happened to us in our growing up years and place responsibility where it belongs. That is not blaming but dealing with truth and facing reality.

Children from dysfunctional families have a "homing" instinct which seeks to recreate the original family in their adult life. That's why children of alcoholics who say they'll never marry one, wind up marrying one, or why children from abusive homes wind up marrying abusive spouses. It's "familiar" territory. I also think it is why some of us experience growth spurts or setbacks or challenges. The homing instinct is trying to kick in again to cause us to revert to our old ways.

lateralus_jenn · Post by **lateralus_jenn** » Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:08 am

i would just really like to stress that ocd feels nothing like lust, not by a long shot. I'm not trying to disregard your feelings at all, definitely not trying to offend, but yes ocd and lust, definite no no.

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:24 am

Hey, Jenn. (And, yes, I should be on week three, but I'm skipping ahead because technically I've been through the program twice before). (Although those first times didn't count).

How is lust different from OCD? Aren't they the same? Aren't they both an irrational desire to have something (or someone?) I guess if I'm asking this I don't really know what OCD is. I've never had compulsions like hand washing, but I know that I can obsess about women for hours at a time...