little setback
Had a couple of better days dealing with obsessions and then today a new one popped up. Let's just say it's gross. I know this is how obsessive thinking works but I guess it feels like my brain will just keep trying to come up with new and absurd ways to disturb me. It's exhausting trying to accept these strange thoughts all day. I just start to get a grasp on accepting the obsessions I've always had and a new one comes along. Seems like an insurmountable foe. I win a battle just to find a new one. Just want some peace of mind and I thought I was improving and he it goes with something new. love to hear any suggestions and experiences dealing with this.
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Guest
Hi Mack,
One scary thought replacing another is the nature of obsessive scary thinking. It will be helpful to you to understand this. No one's mind is quiet for very long. Thoughts come and go all the time - even while we sleep. That's why some people who are prone to anxiety wake with anxiety in the morning. Thoughts, feelings and dreams.
These thoughts and feelings and dreams are not the problem, however. It is your reaction to them. If you didn't give a hoot one way or the other if you had these thoughts you would be a peaceful person. Your best response to any thought (if you must have a response at all) is "So what!" Or "Whatever" or "Fine. Whatever you say." And then go about your day. Practice dimissing these thoughts by NOT GIVING THEM ANY OF YOUR ENERGY. Your emotional resistance to them is what keeps them there and keeps them coming back. Welcome the thoughts, the fears, the feelings, the dreams. You can function in the present moment while experiencing these.
Eventually, as the thoughts come you'll just dismiss them without any words at all. They are bogus. Ridiculous. Aren't you tired of them running your life? Well, take your life back and just say: SO WHAT. (Nothing that you hear from that scare voice is real. Nothing.)
A good exercise to practice once a day would be to sit and just watch your thoughts go by. Do not respond. If you catch yourself responding emotionally, just bring yourself back to your breath and then as the thoughts come in just watch. There is nothing more you need to do. Start with 5 min. a day, then move up to 10 min a day and then up to 15 min then 20 min.
One scary thought replacing another is the nature of obsessive scary thinking. It will be helpful to you to understand this. No one's mind is quiet for very long. Thoughts come and go all the time - even while we sleep. That's why some people who are prone to anxiety wake with anxiety in the morning. Thoughts, feelings and dreams.
These thoughts and feelings and dreams are not the problem, however. It is your reaction to them. If you didn't give a hoot one way or the other if you had these thoughts you would be a peaceful person. Your best response to any thought (if you must have a response at all) is "So what!" Or "Whatever" or "Fine. Whatever you say." And then go about your day. Practice dimissing these thoughts by NOT GIVING THEM ANY OF YOUR ENERGY. Your emotional resistance to them is what keeps them there and keeps them coming back. Welcome the thoughts, the fears, the feelings, the dreams. You can function in the present moment while experiencing these.
Eventually, as the thoughts come you'll just dismiss them without any words at all. They are bogus. Ridiculous. Aren't you tired of them running your life? Well, take your life back and just say: SO WHAT. (Nothing that you hear from that scare voice is real. Nothing.)
A good exercise to practice once a day would be to sit and just watch your thoughts go by. Do not respond. If you catch yourself responding emotionally, just bring yourself back to your breath and then as the thoughts come in just watch. There is nothing more you need to do. Start with 5 min. a day, then move up to 10 min a day and then up to 15 min then 20 min.
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Guest
Thanks again Boon. I've been doing the work from Freedom from Fear and I can say that there have been a few breif moments where I didn't have the obsessions, but they are there all day sometimes and I don't see how I can accept them that long. It's annoying as hell and accepting being annoyed seems impossible. I can't stop the second fear. In fact the idea of stoping the cascading emotions seems to fall against the idea that you can stop yourself from thinking a thought. If you try not to think of the secondary fears I think of them more. Like the book says. I don't know I guess this acceptance thing doesn't seem believable to me alot of times.
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Guest
Mack, It isn't about not having the thoughts. You will have the thoughts. They don't go away completely and forever. They do get less in frequency, however, the more you accept, allow - not resist. It's about dismissing these thoughts, without emotion. When you allow the thoughts to come and go freely without any attachment to them, without any emotion, these thoughts cease to bother you anymore. As I said, with this new attitude you hear from the scare voice less and less. There are some old obsessive thoughts that I may hear from once a year, maybe once a month - whatever. When it comes I dismiss it. I take my attention elsewhere. If I want to entertain it, I can. We all have that choice, but why would I? It's very easy to dismiss. You will beable to see the ridiculousness of the thought because of your practice with allowing.
I get the impression that you are trying to NOT have these obsessive thoughts anymore. That's not how it works. You are familiar with Howard's description of the scare voice - the Boo. You will hear from the Boo from time to time but it will no longer matter and it will no longer hold you back. You'll flatout see it for what it really is. A thought. Nothing more.
Try to see this because this is your only problem - resistance.
Put that music on - even if for only one minute at a time. Then increase it daily to longer periods of time. Don't let this Boo voice control your life anymore. Feel that discomfort that comes with exposing. Breathe into it. Use your tools. Cortical shift. You'll be OK, Mack. You must prove this to yourself. You will. You are getting there.
I get the impression that you are trying to NOT have these obsessive thoughts anymore. That's not how it works. You are familiar with Howard's description of the scare voice - the Boo. You will hear from the Boo from time to time but it will no longer matter and it will no longer hold you back. You'll flatout see it for what it really is. A thought. Nothing more.
Try to see this because this is your only problem - resistance.
Put that music on - even if for only one minute at a time. Then increase it daily to longer periods of time. Don't let this Boo voice control your life anymore. Feel that discomfort that comes with exposing. Breathe into it. Use your tools. Cortical shift. You'll be OK, Mack. You must prove this to yourself. You will. You are getting there.
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Guest
I don't avoid music and I don't avoid this gross thing that is bothering me it's just that the idea of these thoughts not bothering me is beyond me. Of course they bother me. They are constant and annoying. I didn't used to have them and now I introduce a new one every other week. It's not a time to time thing like you said. They depress me because they never used to be there. I have had a problem with being in my head (dissociation, or depersonlization) for seven years now and now that I've started on this book these obsessions are piling up. I can't wrap my head around how that is not depressing. I guess it's that I can't accept how awful this disorder is and that I have to now accept that my thoughts are constantly absurd and gross. I understand that thoughts are just thoughts but these aren't waning or fading in the least. They are becoming more and more constant the more I try to "accept" them. Whatever that means. I have a feeling I'm ignoring more than accepting. I really don't have a problem with avoiding these things that I'm obsessing about, I think I have a problem avoiding acceptance of what is happening. I have never worked this hard on my cognitive behavior and I just seem to be getting more and more depressed that this "acceptance" thing is seemingly beyond me. I can imagine that it's getting tiring hearing me complain about this over and over, but my boo (Henry) is screaming at me and I'm not going to lie to you it's driving me bonkers. I hate it. I know you're not supposed to attach emotions to these thoughts but I truly hate them. They depress me and remind me of how I used to be without them. I'm doing breathing exercises, cortical shifting, exercising, desputing and reframing, overkill, journaling, humor....everything and I feel worse than ever. I've read the book 10 times probably, and Clair Week's peace from nervous suffering over and over as well. I realize the thoughts are going to come, but I can't handle them being there all day when I'm doing the work that claims it will "cure" me. My faith in the whole process is in doubt to say the least.
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Guest
Make a list of positive and soothing self talk, Mack. You will benefit by changing your attitude toward your situation. Add daily to that list.
I know I can learn to accept this.
My feelings are OK. All of them.
Etc, etc.
Read this list daily three times a day. Read it with feeling. Sometimes we must do something 150 times before it finally sinks in - if 150 times isn't enough then do it 151 times. Eventually, you will see positive change.
I know I can learn to accept this.
My feelings are OK. All of them.
Etc, etc.
Read this list daily three times a day. Read it with feeling. Sometimes we must do something 150 times before it finally sinks in - if 150 times isn't enough then do it 151 times. Eventually, you will see positive change.