Hi, so I posted already but I didnt really explain myself completely. I apologize in advance for the length. I have been reading messages on this forum and they have helped me a lot. I just need some reassurance for my specific situation.
Okay, so I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half. Everything was great until around December, when I started getting these obsessive thoughts about falling out of love with him... It completely destroyed me. I felt like I was going crazy and losing everything good. The Thanksgiving before I went to visit my family in Oklahoma, and I hadnt seen my mom in about 10 years (she was/is a drug addict, etc) and she showed up, unannounced, with a kid that I didnt know about. I was in shock and I never really got upset about it. I actually thought that It was kind of funny. In fact, I never cried about my mom even when I was younger. I was alway numb to it. When I got home I had mono. During mono I got very depressed and I didnt even realize it.
The first day I was better I was with my boyfriend and I were talking and all of the sudden this rush of unfamiliarity and doubt rushed over me... I dont know why. Ever since then I have been obsessed with "what ifs" what if I dont love him anymore, what if we arent right for each other anymore, what if I dont even like him, what if I never loved him? And so on... I just obsess about it and then eventually convince myself that I dont care about him... and then it just goes away for a while. I see everything clearly and nothing feels forced, he doesnt annoy me much, and I just feel natural and like myself. I dont know what is going on. I just feel numb! I feel like I am sabotaging myself!!!
Oh, by the way, I am 18, and this is my first real relationship. I am on zoloft.
PLEASE HELP ME
I am consumed by thoughts of not loving. Please read this and PLEASE help me.
Loveology,
Sometimes the obsessive thoughts help us disregard some issue by distracting us. "What iffing" can be very destructive because it can send us into a downward spiral. But what if things change for the better? What if you are able to learn to cope and feel good about yourself? Those "what ifs" can go both ways.
It's not uncommon to become initally more anxious because you're turning and facing your fears. That takes a lot of courage. Try to work through the feelings and ask yourself if what you're afraid of is actually true. Challenge that negative part of yourself and see if it's helping or hurting you. It's tough to change the habits of a lifetime, no matter how old you are.
And for the record, the first love is always the hardest. It's very scary to be vulnerable, but if he's a good guy, he'll weather the storms with you because you're worth the trouble. Us "high maintenance" people are complex. The trick is to turn all of that worry and negativity into positives.
You may need to allow yourself the feelings you stuffed about your mom. You probably numbed out as a coping mechanism, but remember that what worked for us as children may not work as adults. This program is where we learn new coping skills, so I urge you to keep going, and write whenever the need arises. There is always someone here going through the same things as you.
Les
Sometimes the obsessive thoughts help us disregard some issue by distracting us. "What iffing" can be very destructive because it can send us into a downward spiral. But what if things change for the better? What if you are able to learn to cope and feel good about yourself? Those "what ifs" can go both ways.
It's not uncommon to become initally more anxious because you're turning and facing your fears. That takes a lot of courage. Try to work through the feelings and ask yourself if what you're afraid of is actually true. Challenge that negative part of yourself and see if it's helping or hurting you. It's tough to change the habits of a lifetime, no matter how old you are.
And for the record, the first love is always the hardest. It's very scary to be vulnerable, but if he's a good guy, he'll weather the storms with you because you're worth the trouble. Us "high maintenance" people are complex. The trick is to turn all of that worry and negativity into positives.
You may need to allow yourself the feelings you stuffed about your mom. You probably numbed out as a coping mechanism, but remember that what worked for us as children may not work as adults. This program is where we learn new coping skills, so I urge you to keep going, and write whenever the need arises. There is always someone here going through the same things as you.
Les