yeah i have a lot going on. i try not to let the stress become anxiety. it gets a bit difficult at times.
i know i do push him away when i am going through the anxiety. i really don't mean too. i just get so caught up on trying to get control of it all of my time is spent on the anxiety. he does want me to talk with him about the anxiety, but i have such a hard time. he wants me to go into detail about the scary thoughts and all i want to do not think of them. i go to therapy weekly and journal daily. i do release my thouhts. i just don't tell him everything.
i talk to him and ask if there is anything i can do to help him. he will let me know when things are bothering him. he says that he sometimes just enjoys taking it. he doesn't always know why he takes them. i let him know that i am here for him, but at the same time i can feel myself drifting and becoming a little cold. i really don't like these feelings.
i do want to make it work so i will take your advice and start to build our realationship back up. more communicating!!!
thanks for the advice and sharing your own experience with me. i will work hard at making it through this because i have no other choice. my kids need me.
hit a bump!!!
It sounds like you have the right approach. It definitely takes practice. I used to wear a colored hair rubberband on my wrist as a reminder to be open and honest. It may sound silly, but my life was so busy that I needed some kind of visual reminder to work at it! If it were easy to have completely healthy relationships then everyone would have them!
I talked to my boyfriend about my scary thoughts once and told him I didn't want to ever describe them again. Before I told him I said 'through my research I have discovered that I distract myself from stress and anxiety (which I am prone to because of my personality type) with unrealistic thoughts', then I told him what my main scary thought is. I told him it's very common and was worried he wouldn't understand. He ended up understanding and didn't care about the actual thoughts because he realized it was just my brain's way of finding a distracting thought.
I would ask your boyfriend not to be concerned with what your actual scary thoughts are, but instead to realize that a large portion of the population thinks of things to distract themselves in this same way. I would tell him at least once what they are, but help him understand that these specific thoughts are not the cause of your anxiety. Instead, they are the result of your stress and anxiety and they simply keep you on the stress-anxiety-fear treadmill once in a while.
You will probably feel a lot of anxiety as you are telling him your scary thoughts. I am pretty sure I started to have a mild panic attack as I was explaining all of this to Mike, but I was prepared for it. Realize that you will feel anxious as you talk to him about this (if you choose to, which I recommend you do), and just be prepared to float through it as you talk to him. You are letting your guard down and revealing all of your insecurities in a way you have probably never done with him, and that is extremely anxiety-producing. You will ultimately be stronger for it. The next day after I told Mike my biggest scary thought I felt like a huge weight was lifted from me because there was no longer something I was keeping from him.
Let me know how things go. This may make you anxious, but these feelings are temporary. Don't let the jitters scare you because they will pass!
I talked to my boyfriend about my scary thoughts once and told him I didn't want to ever describe them again. Before I told him I said 'through my research I have discovered that I distract myself from stress and anxiety (which I am prone to because of my personality type) with unrealistic thoughts', then I told him what my main scary thought is. I told him it's very common and was worried he wouldn't understand. He ended up understanding and didn't care about the actual thoughts because he realized it was just my brain's way of finding a distracting thought.
I would ask your boyfriend not to be concerned with what your actual scary thoughts are, but instead to realize that a large portion of the population thinks of things to distract themselves in this same way. I would tell him at least once what they are, but help him understand that these specific thoughts are not the cause of your anxiety. Instead, they are the result of your stress and anxiety and they simply keep you on the stress-anxiety-fear treadmill once in a while.
You will probably feel a lot of anxiety as you are telling him your scary thoughts. I am pretty sure I started to have a mild panic attack as I was explaining all of this to Mike, but I was prepared for it. Realize that you will feel anxious as you talk to him about this (if you choose to, which I recommend you do), and just be prepared to float through it as you talk to him. You are letting your guard down and revealing all of your insecurities in a way you have probably never done with him, and that is extremely anxiety-producing. You will ultimately be stronger for it. The next day after I told Mike my biggest scary thought I felt like a huge weight was lifted from me because there was no longer something I was keeping from him.
Let me know how things go. This may make you anxious, but these feelings are temporary. Don't let the jitters scare you because they will pass!
well, i took your advice and it worked!!! i started to let him in and he sat and listened and was happy that i let him in. it felt so good to let him in. it was a bit hard to talk about everything, but once i did we seemed to reconnect. he is was able to start opening up about his own feelings. it's like i got my boyfriend back!!
i am still struggling with not bringing the thoughts back. i just can't understand myself. i pray everyday to GOD and ask for clear days and here has brought me so many and i still try to dig and test myself by trying to bring them back. ?????? any suggestions?
i remember when i didn't think i would ever have clear days. i thought that i would never stop having these thoughts, but i did. days even weeks go by and i feel so free of them. i know how far i have come. i can be alone, i can be alone with my son, and i can hold him. there was a time i where i was afraid to even hold my son, to hug him because i thought i was gonna hurt him, but i can hold him. the thing is i know that the thoughts are anxiety. i figured that if i can have clear days then the thoughts MUST be anxiety. i figured if days go by and i have no scary thoughts then i must not be crazy, and it's just ANXIETY. last night i was laying down and looking at my son and i gotta say that i was and have been extremley exhausted and then all these scary thoughts poppped in. i started to remember all the horrible things that i would think about. i didn't like it at all. i really just want complete peace of mind and peace of heart.
i am still struggling with not bringing the thoughts back. i just can't understand myself. i pray everyday to GOD and ask for clear days and here has brought me so many and i still try to dig and test myself by trying to bring them back. ?????? any suggestions?
i remember when i didn't think i would ever have clear days. i thought that i would never stop having these thoughts, but i did. days even weeks go by and i feel so free of them. i know how far i have come. i can be alone, i can be alone with my son, and i can hold him. there was a time i where i was afraid to even hold my son, to hug him because i thought i was gonna hurt him, but i can hold him. the thing is i know that the thoughts are anxiety. i figured that if i can have clear days then the thoughts MUST be anxiety. i figured if days go by and i have no scary thoughts then i must not be crazy, and it's just ANXIETY. last night i was laying down and looking at my son and i gotta say that i was and have been extremley exhausted and then all these scary thoughts poppped in. i started to remember all the horrible things that i would think about. i didn't like it at all. i really just want complete peace of mind and peace of heart.
That's great that you were able to talk to him! I'm so happy for you! The trick is now to keep it up... sooner or later one of you will have a bad day or need to go through something difficult. It is easy to forget to rely on each other when your mind is consumed with other things. Remember that you are a team, and remind him to snap you back if you ever start to neglect being open with him. My boyfriend and I made an agreement to tell each other when we feel the other is being distant, but it is out of love, not criticism.
I still occassionally struggle with anxiety, so please do not think too much about it. Last night I was actually really tired and laying on the couch and out of no where started to feel anxious and immediately started to have a scary thought. Right away I told myself 'I am tired, and I always get through this. Just float with it and do something else'. I forgot about the bad feelings right away.
You may or may not have bad feelings and scary thoughts in the future. Like you said, you never thought you'd be where you are today, but look how far you've come! Just think, if you continue to practice, these feelings and thoughts will get further and further apart. They may try to spring up when you are going through something troubling but it's up to you to use this as a SIGNAL that something is stressing you out, or that you are not taking enough time for yourself. As odd as it may sound, try to think of this almost as a gift... we have this unique warning system that people without anxiety problems don't have! Our bodies and minds send us a message that we are not as happy as we could be and that we need to take care of something.
Keep going and don't think 'will this be a day I have scary thoughts'. Instead you need to think 'if any bad thoughts try to arise, I know it is just a side effect of anxiety. It ALWAYS passes and it will continue to pass'. This is the absolute truth and the sooner you believe it, the less frequent and severe your anxiety and fear will be. It's ok to have occassional fear and anxiety... everyone does. You just need to not allow yourself to over-react to these feelings. Instead, address what is going on and talk compassionately to yourself. There really is nothing to be afraid of because you are just creatively distracting yourself.
Continue to practice with your bf and remember that you will always feel better if you talk to him. It's so good you are establishing a strong foundation for your relationship. Just think, you will be teaching your children how to be in a truly healthy relationship.
You have shown how strong you are, so don't let anything get you down. It's ok to feel sad sometimes but never let these feelings truly affect you. A bad day doesn't mean you will have a bad night or a bad week. There will always be bad days but I promise you will have mostly good days if you keep working at this. I have come so far and I assure you I thought there was no hope for me last year.
Keep up the amazing work and don't let anything get you down for more than a passing moment and give your worries to God.
Also, if you ever start to feel anxious, just come to this post and write about it. That always makes me feel so much better.
I still occassionally struggle with anxiety, so please do not think too much about it. Last night I was actually really tired and laying on the couch and out of no where started to feel anxious and immediately started to have a scary thought. Right away I told myself 'I am tired, and I always get through this. Just float with it and do something else'. I forgot about the bad feelings right away.
You may or may not have bad feelings and scary thoughts in the future. Like you said, you never thought you'd be where you are today, but look how far you've come! Just think, if you continue to practice, these feelings and thoughts will get further and further apart. They may try to spring up when you are going through something troubling but it's up to you to use this as a SIGNAL that something is stressing you out, or that you are not taking enough time for yourself. As odd as it may sound, try to think of this almost as a gift... we have this unique warning system that people without anxiety problems don't have! Our bodies and minds send us a message that we are not as happy as we could be and that we need to take care of something.
Keep going and don't think 'will this be a day I have scary thoughts'. Instead you need to think 'if any bad thoughts try to arise, I know it is just a side effect of anxiety. It ALWAYS passes and it will continue to pass'. This is the absolute truth and the sooner you believe it, the less frequent and severe your anxiety and fear will be. It's ok to have occassional fear and anxiety... everyone does. You just need to not allow yourself to over-react to these feelings. Instead, address what is going on and talk compassionately to yourself. There really is nothing to be afraid of because you are just creatively distracting yourself.
Continue to practice with your bf and remember that you will always feel better if you talk to him. It's so good you are establishing a strong foundation for your relationship. Just think, you will be teaching your children how to be in a truly healthy relationship.
You have shown how strong you are, so don't let anything get you down. It's ok to feel sad sometimes but never let these feelings truly affect you. A bad day doesn't mean you will have a bad night or a bad week. There will always be bad days but I promise you will have mostly good days if you keep working at this. I have come so far and I assure you I thought there was no hope for me last year.
Keep up the amazing work and don't let anything get you down for more than a passing moment and give your worries to God.
Also, if you ever start to feel anxious, just come to this post and write about it. That always makes me feel so much better.
i have been sick since last week wed. been to the er twice and still sick. yesterday it hit me that i had not had any scary thoughts. i guess i had been so busy being sick i didn't have time for anxiety. last night was a different story. i have been having trouble sleeping due to post nasal drip and took my meds i started to freak out that i was dying. i thought my face was swollen, i couldn't breathe, i had a rash, and a bunch of other problems. i haven't felt like that in a long time. probally over a year. it scared me so bad i was believing it.
today i woke up and was very jittery. i felt very gloomy. i'm still kinda anxious. i started to have scary thoughts that i was gonna hurt my son. i was afraid to be alone with him. as usual i survived and nothing happened to him. i have been very stressed with being so sick and still pregnant. i was due on the 4th but no baby. monday i had to go for testing and it wasn't too good she had only moved twice in an hour. they made me come back in tuesday for more testing and it came back better, but i'm still worried. i go back again tomorrow for testing and possibly might be induced. i'm very scared and a little depressed. i;m scared of the pain again, i scared of starting again, and i hope she will be ok. it sounds really dumb but i'm also terrified that i will have ppd after she is born. i hate all of these what ifs and just the anxiety. i hate how i can get myself so wound up and obsessed. it's so sick. i just need to relax and let all this stuff pass. i know i can do it but why do i doubt myself so much.
today i woke up and was very jittery. i felt very gloomy. i'm still kinda anxious. i started to have scary thoughts that i was gonna hurt my son. i was afraid to be alone with him. as usual i survived and nothing happened to him. i have been very stressed with being so sick and still pregnant. i was due on the 4th but no baby. monday i had to go for testing and it wasn't too good she had only moved twice in an hour. they made me come back in tuesday for more testing and it came back better, but i'm still worried. i go back again tomorrow for testing and possibly might be induced. i'm very scared and a little depressed. i;m scared of the pain again, i scared of starting again, and i hope she will be ok. it sounds really dumb but i'm also terrified that i will have ppd after she is born. i hate all of these what ifs and just the anxiety. i hate how i can get myself so wound up and obsessed. it's so sick. i just need to relax and let all this stuff pass. i know i can do it but why do i doubt myself so much.
OMG, you are so much like me. When I'm sick my anxiety tries to return. My big thing is that I start to focus on my breathing (because when you're sick you're usually pretty congested), then I start to obsess about that. Also, you have to remember that you are on meds and those will ALWAYS affect you. Part of what you are doing is over-reacting to the way they are making you feel... the meds put you 'off-center' just the tiniest amount, but since you (and all of us anxiety-sufferers) are very sensitive, you notice any slight change in the way you feel. You need to immediately stop and say 'of course I feel a little off... I am sick AND on medicine that my body is not used to. This will be over soon'. Also, don't forget that your hormones are doing weird things to you! You are about to have a baby, so I'm actually surprised you are dealing with the hormones as well as you are!!! You should be proud of yourself.
You are going through one of the most stressful things a woman can go through and you need to remind yourself of that. You are using the anxiety and scary thoughts to distract you from the stress that this is all putting on you. It seems like you start to have scary thoughts when the stress increases... then, you get anxious and get on this ferris wheel of scary thoughts and anxiety and forget which came first because they are both happening at the same time! I do the exact same thing but have learned to recognize that this is all caused by stress around me.
Again from my own experience and long battle I recommend you keep using these bumps in the road as practice. You need to practice calming yourself down and talking to yourself in order to make this go away for good. And when I say 'go away for good' I don't mean you will never have anxious or scary feelings and thoughts, you will just get so good at not giving them any attention that your quality of life will ultimately not be affected by them.
Keep talking to your boyfriend and remember that SO many of us have the same scary thoughts as you. Please keep reminding yourself that your creative mind is distracting you! You are also dealing with chemicals and hormones in your body that the average person does not have to deal with. I think about it like this... when I drink diet pop, which I used to LOVE, I get such bad anxiety because I'm not used to having caffeine in my system. What really stinks is that it seems so difficult to snap myself out of the anxiety I get from the body feelings it brings. It's so easy to see this when I'm not going through it, but when I'm stuck in it, I don't realize what's going on. I think you are focusing on the loopy feelings the medicine and pregnancy stress are giving you because your mind is trying to distract you from the new responsibility you are about to have with the new baby (which is going to be wonderful, but is nonetheless stressful).
Relative to the ppd, you may feel depressed after you give birth. In fact, in one of Lucinda's tapes she says that no one ever told her that after she gave birth to a wonderful baby that she would feel tired, depressed, sad and miserable. She said it was odd how such a wonderful event could make her feel that way. What she did though, was recognize that this is what happens and that it's common. If you feel tired, sad, etc., don't assume it's clinical ppd. Instead, say 'OF COURSE I feel exhausted. This will pass and I will bond with this beautiful baby. I need to let my body and mind heal from the last 9 months of physical and emotional stress'. If you think you won't feel bad after having the baby then I think you're setting yourself up for dissapointment. It's realistic and normal to accept that you will feel lousy for a while. It happens to almost every single woman. The trick is not over-reacting to your feelings and just letting yourself float through it as you recover.
You are doing great. You absolutelty need these practice opportunities because there will always be bad and stressful events that you need to take care of without letting them affect your life. The practice opportunities are not fun, but they are necessary. You will get very good at telling the anxiety that it won't hurt you and that your scary thoughts are your way of justifying the feelings you have!
You are going through one of the most stressful things a woman can go through and you need to remind yourself of that. You are using the anxiety and scary thoughts to distract you from the stress that this is all putting on you. It seems like you start to have scary thoughts when the stress increases... then, you get anxious and get on this ferris wheel of scary thoughts and anxiety and forget which came first because they are both happening at the same time! I do the exact same thing but have learned to recognize that this is all caused by stress around me.
Again from my own experience and long battle I recommend you keep using these bumps in the road as practice. You need to practice calming yourself down and talking to yourself in order to make this go away for good. And when I say 'go away for good' I don't mean you will never have anxious or scary feelings and thoughts, you will just get so good at not giving them any attention that your quality of life will ultimately not be affected by them.
Keep talking to your boyfriend and remember that SO many of us have the same scary thoughts as you. Please keep reminding yourself that your creative mind is distracting you! You are also dealing with chemicals and hormones in your body that the average person does not have to deal with. I think about it like this... when I drink diet pop, which I used to LOVE, I get such bad anxiety because I'm not used to having caffeine in my system. What really stinks is that it seems so difficult to snap myself out of the anxiety I get from the body feelings it brings. It's so easy to see this when I'm not going through it, but when I'm stuck in it, I don't realize what's going on. I think you are focusing on the loopy feelings the medicine and pregnancy stress are giving you because your mind is trying to distract you from the new responsibility you are about to have with the new baby (which is going to be wonderful, but is nonetheless stressful).
Relative to the ppd, you may feel depressed after you give birth. In fact, in one of Lucinda's tapes she says that no one ever told her that after she gave birth to a wonderful baby that she would feel tired, depressed, sad and miserable. She said it was odd how such a wonderful event could make her feel that way. What she did though, was recognize that this is what happens and that it's common. If you feel tired, sad, etc., don't assume it's clinical ppd. Instead, say 'OF COURSE I feel exhausted. This will pass and I will bond with this beautiful baby. I need to let my body and mind heal from the last 9 months of physical and emotional stress'. If you think you won't feel bad after having the baby then I think you're setting yourself up for dissapointment. It's realistic and normal to accept that you will feel lousy for a while. It happens to almost every single woman. The trick is not over-reacting to your feelings and just letting yourself float through it as you recover.
You are doing great. You absolutelty need these practice opportunities because there will always be bad and stressful events that you need to take care of without letting them affect your life. The practice opportunities are not fun, but they are necessary. You will get very good at telling the anxiety that it won't hurt you and that your scary thoughts are your way of justifying the feelings you have!
well, my little girl arrived on sat the 11th! she has been such a joy. i made it through the delivery with very little anxiety. i was very proud of myself! since having her i have been anxious though. i keep waiting for the post partum to kick in. i know that i might not even get poat partum, but i feel like i'm just waiting for the worst to come. another thing is all of the thoughts that i had while i was pregnant you know about being worried that i am gonna hurt her come floating in and out of my mind. i feel like i'm bringing them on. i really just want to enjoy her and my son, and stop anticipating the worst.
Congratulations! That is so wonderful... do you see how strong you are?!?!!!
You are experiencing anticipatory anxiety... you are waiting for something bad to happen. I do this to (a lot less than I used to because I've worked on it). Whenever something is going really good I think 'something bad will happen to even things out'. I think you are doing this to, and you are focusing on the post partum and scary thoughts because those are the things you fear most. Let me tell you, you do NOT need to fear either of those. You are clearly starting to not only understand, but BELIEVE that you are causing all of this (not to place blame, just to point out that it's not reality). You are so strong and loving and you have the most common scary thought that people like us have.
I would say you should stop trying to enjoy things and instead just float with it... don't force anything. I've had times on vacation before where I was WORKING at having a good time... I would wake up and say 'what should we do today... we should pack in a lot and try to do this and that because it will make the trip fun'. In fact, those times I didn't even have fun because I was trying so hard to! Another small trip I went on in March was soooo much better because I just went with the flow and laughed with my boyfriend the whole time. I told myself I was just going to relax, and if something came up that might be fun, I would decide at that point if I felt like doing it.
Just enjoy the small things around you and don't ever try to force happiness... it will come, especially as you continue to realize what you're scary thoughts really are (anticipation of something that won't even happen, and a distraction from a high-energy situation, either good or bad). I sometimes feel the scary thoughts and anticipation coming back, but then I stop and think about what has happened that day or what is going on in my life and I always get through it. I also like coming to these forums to remember how far I've come and to continually get the 'I'm ok' reinforcement... so many people have overcome the fear by realizing that scary thoughts are their imagination. Just go with the flow and realize that you still have hormones causing a lot of your anticipatory feelings.
You are experiencing anticipatory anxiety... you are waiting for something bad to happen. I do this to (a lot less than I used to because I've worked on it). Whenever something is going really good I think 'something bad will happen to even things out'. I think you are doing this to, and you are focusing on the post partum and scary thoughts because those are the things you fear most. Let me tell you, you do NOT need to fear either of those. You are clearly starting to not only understand, but BELIEVE that you are causing all of this (not to place blame, just to point out that it's not reality). You are so strong and loving and you have the most common scary thought that people like us have.
I would say you should stop trying to enjoy things and instead just float with it... don't force anything. I've had times on vacation before where I was WORKING at having a good time... I would wake up and say 'what should we do today... we should pack in a lot and try to do this and that because it will make the trip fun'. In fact, those times I didn't even have fun because I was trying so hard to! Another small trip I went on in March was soooo much better because I just went with the flow and laughed with my boyfriend the whole time. I told myself I was just going to relax, and if something came up that might be fun, I would decide at that point if I felt like doing it.
Just enjoy the small things around you and don't ever try to force happiness... it will come, especially as you continue to realize what you're scary thoughts really are (anticipation of something that won't even happen, and a distraction from a high-energy situation, either good or bad). I sometimes feel the scary thoughts and anticipation coming back, but then I stop and think about what has happened that day or what is going on in my life and I always get through it. I also like coming to these forums to remember how far I've come and to continually get the 'I'm ok' reinforcement... so many people have overcome the fear by realizing that scary thoughts are their imagination. Just go with the flow and realize that you still have hormones causing a lot of your anticipatory feelings.
I have read you post and am compelled to post. I am currently pregnant and can so relate to what you are thinking and feeling. I think my biggest problem with anxiety is thinking the worst. I am scared that I will get post part as well. I have the fears of hurting myself or others. It really is so annoying. It is reassuring to know I am not the only one that has these thoughts but at the same time I don't wish it on anyone. Have faith...
hi turtle. i'm glad that you responded to my post. i know how you feel. i had a lot of problems with my first pregnancy. my ex husband was using drugs, he was never around, and i was pretty much alone. i was very depressed during my first pregnancy. i was looking forward to enjoying this one. this time around i have a lot more help and i'm in a better place. was i wrong. i couldn't believe that i was having all this anxiety. it made me depressed because all i wanted to do was enjoy being pregnant. i still struggle with worrying about having post partum depression. it's like i'm just waiting for it to happen even though i know there is a chance that i won't even get it. it is soooo frustrating. it is nice to know and it keeps me in check that i am not the only one that feels like this. it makes a little easier to deal with and it helps to remind me that it is just anxiety.