Stress Center Peer Support

Hi all,

I am new to this and I am really seaking some reassurance.

So here it goes;

Basically about 3 months ago I was landed with alot of stress with my mum. I thought I was strong enough to deal with the problems faced but it turned out I wasnt. One day I was really down after visiting my mum and came back feeling really down. The weather was awful, I was in a city I hated, the day was just horrible!

So when I got back, I tried to make myself feel better by rearranging my bedroom, buying new things etc. However that night when I went to bed Iwas running over what my mum had said. (Just for a little more info, my mum is mentally ill and was suxually abused as a child by her father)

I was going over everything that had been said that day and I heard my mum speaking to the doctors about commiting suicide. At the time I was fine, as its the norm with my mum but that night when I was in bed something snapped. I cant even say how but I came over with such panic. Ever since I have suffered with obsessive thoughts. The first thought that night was what if I could harm children like my grandad, what if I already have. It was horrible and lasted for about 2 weeks. I was panicing all the time, lost sleep and weight. Eventually I made the choice to visit my doctor and was given therapy which is still ongoing along with meds. However ever since I still suffer with the thoughts. I have gone through, harming children, harming other people, if I could be gay (my mum is biosexual and my sister is gay) and now I am centreing it around my boyfriend who I have been with for a VERY happy two years. Before all this my boyfriend and I have been great, happy relationship etc. I have had my insecurities and doubts like any other normal person in a relationship but I was very very happy. However now I seem to be obsessing over the one thing I thought I was 100% certain about. What if I dont love him, what if I have never loved him etc What if I am only with him for this, that and the other. What if I cheat on him, would it just be better if we were friends. Its horrible and I want it to go away. I get so upset, I just cant handle it!

Can anyone relate to this and am I weird? Is this normal?

I look forward to some replies.

Hello,

First off let me say that a lot of us here can relate. You are not weird at all, it is very common to obsess about scary things, and things that we know to be irrational but just can't seem to stop obsessing about.

I myself have a form of OCD called Pure-O. I don't ritualize I just have obsessive thinking habits. I am currently in therapy for it and reading up on it with some helpful books.

OCD is often referred to as "the doubting disease" you start to wonder about all sorts of things like, what if this happened? how do i know it hasn't happened before? and you begin to look into your memories for proof for or against it.

You say you are in therapy and on meds, so it seems like you are on the right track. Don't beat yourself up about this because everyone has obsessive running thoughts especially when we are dealing with stressful anxiety prone situations. Life is full of these and w are human after all.

What helps me is not trying to stop the thoughts, but simply not feeding them. we feed them with fear and doubt. Acceptance is the first step though. Just remember that this is a thinking habit that can be helped over time. It is only high anxiety and it goes away.

If you have this program, lesson 10 is wonderful and very comforting. there are also some great books out there like The Imp of the Mind. When in therapy make sure you asked everything you have doubts about no matter how silly you might feel the question is. You are on the right track. you are not alone in this. million go through the same thing in this country alone. and you can come to control this and get better with time.

take care,

EddyJ

Hi Eddy,

Thanks for your reply.

Its made me feel better, but I am still getting so upset. I am gutted that I have focused it around the one amazing thing in my life, now I am turning in it in to a nightmare.

I search for evidence all the time with my relationship, just like I did with the children etc. I never found any evidence but kept searching and still doubt myself now, but somehow its easier to find evidence with the boyfriend situation, so I guess thats why its sticking so well. Sometimes I dont panic, sometimes I just cry.

I sometimes get the erge to finish him because I feel like it will all go away, but I know before all this happened I was very much in love and I probably still am but the thoughts have created a mask for me and my emotions. Does this sound reasonable? Does this make sense?

Thanks again!

Hey,

yes it does make sense. Most of the time these thoughts are masking a completely different concern.

I had this fear of severe depression and hurting myself and disconnection from my family.
I was worried and sick to my stomach. But what my real concern was, feeling like my family didn't understand what I was going through and feeling like i needed them more now than ever. once i confronted them about it it felt like the world was off my shoulders.

Other times the thoughts really have no meaning at all so you just shrug it off and do your best to let go.

this all takes time. But it is great that you are doing the therapy route. it gets easier with time

EddyJ

Hi OBSESSED111,

I am too searching for help. I have a similar problem. About 6 months ago I started having bad thoughts because I was under great stress and the more I stress the more I have them
I never did anything harmful to anyone or myself and I do not take any drugs or alchohol and there are no mental illnesses in my family.
But, One day I just started having crazy thoughts like "what if..." I thought that I could do harm to somebody I love (especially my mom and my boyfriend) or even to myself.
And it is really difficult to control it! I am really scared because I cannot bare a thought of having a mental illness. I am scared to see a doctor because I do not want to go on meds.

So I promice you, you are not alone.
Take care.
-Vasiliska

Hi V4SILISK4,

Thanks for your reply.

Look, OCD or pure O is nothing to be ashamed of, but please take advise from someone who knows you need to get help otherwise it will only get worse and worse. Luckily I had great support around who I could talk to straight away. Meds is nothing to be ashamed of either. Its like if you have a headache, you take a painkiller to help it. Or if you can't see properly, who wear glasses to aid your vision. OCD is the same and must be treated like any other illness before it gets out of control. Taking meds has certainly helped me emotionally but it will not cure me. I have to do that myself but it certainly makes it more manageable and I do have my down days. How long have these thoughts been going on for?

Hey OBSESSED111,
Yea I see what you mean and thank you for your support. I just don't think that prozac or lithium would help me. It is not that I am ashamed of taking them, I just don't think they are right for me. I do plan to see a doctor and seek for a therapist though. I also read up that taking vitamin B complex and Omega 3 fish oil help so I will try that. And my Mom signed me up for yoga to simply get rid of the stress concern.
Thank you!

Also the first occurance happened last August but started happening more often sometime in October