Stress Center Peer Support

I was diagnosed OCD 2.5 years ago. It all started when I was very stressed...and then I thought to myself that I could see why people kill themselves. Then I freaked that I thought that...then I started obsessing about the fact that I could go into the other room and get a gun and do it, not that I wanted to...but I could...then I freaked out because I thought that...which then repeated itself over and over again in my brain which made it all worse and I was freaked out because I was thinking about such things. Then I just started obsessing about "what if's" non stop.

I was put on medication and have done much better in general. I don't want to harm myself, my life is going great now...but every once in a while these thoughts creep back in "what if I did hurt myself, what if I hurt someone else"...and it drives me, no pun intended, crazy! I just prefer that they go away..permanently...because my life is much less stressful when they aren't around. Go figure

You should read more of this message board. A lot of people have answered the same questions that you're asking. I'll try to help you here.

OCD/Anxiety/Depression, it's all in the same family. One usually begins from the other in an understandable way. You obsess about this "thought" because you have bookmarked it in your mind, so to speak. When memory brings it back, you freak out and add to it. "OMG", "There's a gun in the other room, what if I did it?" This is adding second fear to first fear. Rather than letting the first fear flash, you add second fear and more second fear. The thought didn't "repeat over in your brain." You added more and more second fear, the the original thought of "I could see why people kill themselves." You added the rest. This is a habit you must stop.

I hate to break it to you, but the thoughts aren't just going to disappear and never come back. Memory alone will bring them back. But, you can do something you haven't done before. By accepting you have the thoughts and stop adding second fear to them. Stop trying to dig deep to find the root cause of these thoughts, there isn't one. Stop adding "OMG" and "What if" to every semi-scary thought you have. You add the fuel to the fire. You can try all the medication you want, until you learn to deal with yourself, your problem will return.