Stress Center Peer Support

Hi all
Well, here I am again, obsessing about breast cancer this time. I have recently gone back on the pill at 43 years of age after only a 5 year hiatus. I am back on to straighten out crazy monthly goings ons. Well, of course, a side effect is weight gain and breast tenderness. I know this but my breast have been sore due to this and I can't get the fear of breast cancer off my mind. I don't want to google anything but I am so tense that I believe I have caused myself pain in the back and arm area. I of course, have this all due to a non existent swollen lymph node which I read on some stupid site is a sign of breast cancer. I do self checks constantly, DO NOT have any swollen lymph nodes and read that cancer is not painful. There are no strange lumps or bumps on me anywhere and I am sure this pain I am feeling is muscle tension or just in my head. I press on my armpit to feel for lumps, then it feels sore then I think if it was normal, it shouldn't feel sore !! ARGGGHHHH I hate this so much. When I am super busy and everything is good, I don't feel pain and don't obsess. I am seriously thinking of going on Effexor again as I had to before but I really wanted to do this once and for all for I feel if I could just beat it one time on my own, it would never get me again. I have put on a little bit of weight and my boobs have gotten bigger so my common sense ( if I have any left ) tells me that perhaps it is my bra digging in. I have tried to find one without underwire but it's impossible. I am not a large breasted woman but I cannot help obsessing and I really hate this. Back in 1998 I obsessed about going crazy, I didn't. In October, I obsessed about cervical cancer because my husband's ex had it. I am fine after my pap and HPV both came back fine. I did have an ovarian cyst that scared me midly but it is gone too. Why can't I trust my body and just trust I am fine. I have no family history of anything and I know 80 percent of breast cancer happens in women over 50 so why so crazy about it? It seems everywhere I look I see the pink symbol and it sends me into panic.
If anyone has any encouraging words for me, please help ease my mind. Careful though, anything that could be misconstrued might make me obsess more !!!!
Thanks all, sure hope I can help others out when I learn from all this one day.
Tamara

I know exactly how you feel. My fear over cancer and many other exotic illnesses always make me start to notice things in my environment, which makes me think "It's a sign!" - when I went through my breast cancer phase I would see billboards and pink ribbons everywhere, and THEN, imagine my horror when I conveniently stumbled upon the Boston Walk for Breast Cancer ... great.

Anyway,what they say about cancer is true. Cancer does not hurt - it is a mass of over active, proliferating cells that just keeps growing and spreading - the lymph node thing is a big deal and I will tell you one thing, it is painfully obvious. I am an RN and the lumps I have seen can be gigantic! They are also extremely firm, enough to displace a woman's (or man's) arm.

Another interesting thing - you mentioned your bra digging in. This is a COMMON cause for breast pain AND cysts. My mother gets them exactly under the wire, as do many other women. The fact that when you are busy, and your mind has been distracted, you forget is also a big deal. It shows you how much you focus on it when you have nothing else to think about. I am the same way - my aunt had breast cancer and she could seldom forget the "rock" in her breast.

Also, I know you are only 43 but you might want to consider that you may be perimenopausal. This is the period before menopause. My mother experienced this at 46 and she experienced the same issues - tenderness, weight gain, etc. I am not saying this is totally it, but it's worth thinking about.

I hope this helps somewhat, I wouldn't worry to much. You sound to be in great health but like me can't see it because of those terrible what ifs and anxious thinking. I hope you feel better and if you ever want to talk just send me a message, I too have gone through this and nursing and experience has helped me a great deal!

ThisAdventure

Thanks so much for your post it really does help. I know what you are saying about pink ribbons everywhere. Wow, I suppose when I tough through this it will at least bring my awareness up about this huge health issue. I have give thought to the perimenopause thing and I do think this is part of it for sure I am going to see my gp again on Thursday to go back on a light dose of Effexor. I have had to use it 3 times before for very short periods of time. Once when my husband was diagnosed with Hodkins disease right after I gave birth and that was the first time I experienced panic attacks and HUGE anxiety. The second was after he died and the third time when I had a bad pap that came back and turned out to be nothing. This time it is definately not as worse as the previous times which lets me know I am making progress but I just need to quiet the thoughts and get on with my life. honestly though, I haven't even decided if I will take the meds. I think I will get the prescription and see how I do. Sometimes just having them there is enough to relax my mind (weird I know) I have told myself to talk to my doctor, do light meds if I decide to, do monthly BSE and just be calm because the anxiety I cause myself is surely more harmful than any imaginary disease I have.
I really appreciate your response though, coming from a professional it helps me relax.
I must admit I like the name you use for this forum. Do you consider anxiety an adventure? If you do, good for you. I am really learning to realize my negative thoughts and working to turn them around.
Thanks again, take care
Tamara

Hi again, I'm glad I could help even if it was just a wee bit. It's really nice to read other people's accounts - it gives you a sort of 'i'm not alone' feeling.

And yes, I am trying hard to look at it as another adventure. When you think about it, it's no difference - it's got the challenge you must surmount and all those little obstacles in the way. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll even come out of it with a strapping man and some gold!

Good luck, and good for you for deciding to take control!

ThisAdventure

Hi Tamara, I just wanted to add my encouragement to ThisAdventure's (great advice by the way - it encouraged me too!).

I have done the same thing as you by obsessing over different "aches and pains" and thinking "what if it's this or that?" Even now I am fighting allergies and/or a virus so I am having to correct my thinking pattern that wants to go into the "what if" stinking thinking.

I also agree with ThisAdventure's suggestion that it might be perimenopause - I'm 43 and there and having all kinds of fun - NOT! My wonderful, caring dr. said my hormones are like a rollar coaster right now. She specializes in natural hormone replacement therapy for women and as helped me alot but the symptoms will still come and go. One of the latest things to happen to me (warning - this one might make you laugh) - upper lip sweating. Yep, I can get up - put on my makeup and within a few minutes - the upper lip sweating starts - and there goes my lovely makeup application! I honestly am learning to laugh my way through alot of this - the alternative is cry and it isn't nearly as much fun.

I have been through the program and it helped me alot as I was having severe panic attacks for about 1 1/2 years. Now, I am so much better and definately learning to see life as a journey.

I look forward to seeing your victory reports on here.

Don't take serious for whatever thing going and surround to you. Take a lesson to way a enjoy in a life.