I can find NO humor in my scary thought!!!

Deener · Post by **Deener** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:29 am

I consider myself to have an excellent sense of humor, but when it comes to my scary thought it seems to fail me. I have come up with one idea but it just does not help. So I hope someone else can. My constant scary thought is having an allergic reaction to food, perfume, make-up, plants, etc.....I'm talking about the kind where your throat and tongue swell and you could die. Maybe my real fear is dying...either way it is just not funny to me. I hope someone can help. I have finished the program and am going for a second try and this thought plagued me then and still does.

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 1:18 pm

As soon as I read your scary thought, I could think of something funny! (isn't it interesting how other people's thoughts seem irrational, but our OWN are so scary?!?)
I'd aim for how funny your face would look if it swelled up (Like Will Smith in the movie Hitch). You could watch it to face your fear. Or also like the movie, how tipsy you'd be after the Benadryl you'd have to take.
It's an irrational what-if, but scary nonetheless. Do your best to not entertain it or fight it and with time, it will lessen. Plenty of people have overcome scary thoughts and you will, too.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 4:02 pm

KDlady... you are so right in what you said. As soon as I read your advice, I visualized it and YIKES!! I thought how is that funny, now I'm going to have a nice vivid picture to scare myself with, plus benadryl who said anything about having to take meds (I am scared of those too! haha). I giggled nervously a few minutes, then it did strike me as a little funny. So heres hoping this works! Thanks for taking time to reply and for the idea. By the way I have watched the movie Hitch and can't for the life of me remember that part...do you think I blocked it because it was traumatic for me. haha Thanks again!

kyrissian · Post by **kyrissian** » Sun Mar 29, 2009 1:01 am

Hi Deener,

I have had similar thoughts before. I think you are correct about it being the real underlying fear of dying.

When I go through this fear, I often find distracting much better. For example, you might want to try relaxation and just letting the thought be there instead of applying humor.

Just a thought

Zoe

thevictor · Post by **thevictor** » Sun Mar 29, 2009 12:04 pm

Hi Zoe M Thanks for the advice. You actually told me the very thing I have learned to do out of desperation. haha For some reason I thought that was the wrong thing to do, you know avoidance. I also assumed finding humor in it would make it go away. I suppose if it works though it can't be wrong. Again thank you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 29, 2009 1:56 pm

Think of having huge white gloved Mickey and Minnie Mouse hands with the allergy. Just like a cartoon.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 31, 2009 11:37 am

I was never able to use humor to deal with my scary thoughts. What really worked for me was learning to accept the thought,

-notice it was there
-awknowledge it was a scary thought and my mind was using it was a distraction
-tell myself it is okay to have the thought, "its just a thought and it -can't hurt me."
-Then do something else, cook dinner, laundry, clean the bathroom, call a friend, etc.
-Accept that the thought was still there while I was doing the task, but remind myself that it was just a thought.

This process is a learned response and did not work overnight, but with persisitance it worked for me. I learned to get the thought and then react by saying "oh, theres that thought, so what, time to move on." I honestly never thought they would stop. It took a long time, like a over a year. And then one day I got it and realized I had not had it in months. I also listened to the lesson 10 a couple of hundred times, just to reassure myself. Lucinda talks about how obsessive thoughts are distractions. It was true for me. I was going through alot of stress when I started having them, just had new baby, husband had cheated, lost job of 15 years and started new job where new boss was total crazy B*!tch! Once I resloved alot of those issues in my life the obsessive thoughts came less and less. Now they happen every rarely, but always when I'm stress about something I don't want to deal with in my life.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 6:42 am

Hi! Great posts!

I cant seam to find any humor in my fear either. I am always afraid that I will cheat on my finace. I have no desire to and the thought makes me so upset. Im afraid that if I am out I will just freeze and then forget that I have a finace and go back to single mode. I play scenarios over and over inmy head and freak myself out. Its so bad that if I see a good looking man walk by and think oh hes good looking. It automatically goes to "what if he tried to kiss you" or what if you made out with him. Then the vicious pure O continues into "what if I dont love my fiance"(which is my second biggest fear). I know I do, hes the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I also saw that you guys were talking about the underlying fear. In the section she also talks about layers of fear. This gave me anxiety when I was listening to the cd bc I was tryint to analyze what my underlying fear was. I started thinking " What if your underlying fear of cheating is that you dont love him" Which freaked me out anymore since it was already a fear . ahhh anyone have this??

I wonder if its that Im afraid ill lose him or that I have guilt over things in the past(when we didnt even know eachother).

Anyone have any ideas? Thanks!

SoWhatif · Post by **SoWhatif** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 7:23 pm

Hi clearsky..It is always interesting to hear other peoples obsessive scary thoughts. They vary so much.

The thing I have learned about scary thoughts even if I have not conquered mine yet, is that while we are using them to distract ourselves from something else that is making us anxious, which by the way made NO sense to me in the beginning, the "real" problem some of the time doesn't have any relation to our distracting thought.

You said you tried to analyze what your underlying fear was and you came up with scarier things. It may not even have anything to do with love or cheating. Or if it did maybe it is that you know you love him, but suffer from low self-esteem and think that this may be to good to be true. You did say he was the best thing to happen to you. Deep down you may not think that you deserve happiness. You could even be afraid to become close to someone because your afraid of losing them.

I had a problem being close to people, even family because I was afraid of them dying. My mum had passed when I was young and it was the first death I had experienced. So I found myself doing things to push people away. Even to the point of making myself look like and absolutely horrible unfeeling human being.

Try not to over analyze though and make your anxiety worse. Journaling is great for sorting this sort of thing out. Somtimes it takes months to see a connecton, but you usually do. I wish you the best of luck and the fact that the thought of cheating scares you is a sign you wouldn't do it.