Stress Center Peer Support

this is my first post, so forgive me if i am repeating old material.

i am obsessed with my geriatric dog. we have had her for 9 years. she is an english bulldog and is getting old. we have never spared expense in treating her numerous medical issues (if you have a bulldog, you know how expensive this can get). she was the first gift my husband (then my boyfriend) ever gave me, and has been with us for a long time. she is an absolute ham, and i adore her burping, snoring, gassy little being. she truly believes everyone was put on earth to be her friend and to scratch her.

however, as i watch her get older and watch her start to break down, i am absolutely paralyzed with fear. i know i cannot turn back the clock, and we have doctors and specialists to treat her, but this one thought is the reason i have most of my panic attacks.

when i am at work, i worry abut her. when i am at home, i worry about her. there is part of me that wants this to be over. please understand that i know that sounds crass but i would never hurt her. i am just worn out with worry. i feel responsible for her care (as i am), and i feel like if she is in pain, hurting, sick, then it is my fault. i feel powerless to help. then, i get angry at myself for feeling this way. then, i get angry at her for "making" me feel this way. then i feel guilty because i know she is not part of this thinking - it is all me. then i get depressed. rinse, and repeat...

considering everything else people write on these boards, my thought seems almost irrelevant. but if anyone has suggestions, i would be most greatful.

thank you for your time. good luck to everyone dealing with anxiety...

Hello! And welcome to this forum!!

If your dog is suffeering and can not get better, it might be a kind thing to have it put to sleep .
It is so hard to do - - but also very hard to watch one suffer.

If the dog is just old, then you might need to turn it all over to God and let nature take its course.

Believe me, all pet owners who truly love their pet go thru the pangs of agony that you are feeling.
My nephew had an alaskan malmute. It was like their child. They had no children. And this was their first dog. But alas! the dog grew old. It developed cancer and finally died. They grieved.
My daughter has lost 2 days bo death. Each one lived about 15 years. She grieved so much when she lost them.
But this is part of pet ownership. They don't live as long as we do. And it is painful when they go.
My daughter got a new dog. It is now 3 years old. She will go thru' the same when it dies.

You will somehow accept the loss of your pet.
You will likely get a young pup again and you'll fall in love with it.

This, too , is life.
You aren't doing anything wrong. What you are experiencing is normal.

Call on God to help you with this matter and He will. He understands that kind of pain.

And I'm so happy that you joined in with the forum.
Keep posting.
MJ