Need answers

Are obsessive scary thoughts ruling your life? Do these thoughts seem beyond your control? Here’s how you can quickly address them and begin to feel better.
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1blessedg
Posts: 23
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 4:45 pm
Location: On a beach in hawai'i

Need answers

Post by 1blessedg » Mon Dec 30, 2013 7:29 pm

SO here I am. I have been down this road a few times and each time it's a bit different. I suffered from extreme panic disorder with agoraphobia which lasted 6 months in 2006. recovered from that and then again in 2009 but more of the obsessive, scary thoughts and once again recovered from that and here I am again with a mixture of both. I am really frustrated with myself because I have not let panic attack symptoms scare me since 2006 and once again I realize that I can still get them and be scared? it's different this time cause in the past I swore I was having a heart attack or a stroke and this time I swear i'm going crazy. I feel like I must have something that my therapist has not figured out. I can see the bad and things in everything. There are also days that I can tell myself that al this is, is anxiety and actually believe it. I also get scared because I feel that I can't go through this anymore that I may not make it out of this, this time. I try to convince myself that maybe I have PPD. Which I have never had before. I see my therapist once a week and am constantly looking for reassurance that im ok that i'm not going crazy, that this is NOTHING BUT ANXIETY. I still leave my house and go to work and drive and go on with my life, but i'm so tired of not feeling NORMAL!!! I have been through so much I am tired. I recently lost my brother in October and since then I have had my ups and downs. I also gave birth to my third child in August. I truly want to conquer this completely not have any reoccurrences, and I just want to enjoy my life with my kids. I don't understand why I can't just no be afraid of it and why after all these years of therapy and hard work I can still be affected by this. Don't get me wrong I have had many years where this has not been an issue. I just not sure if this really is anxiety and when am I going to finally kick it like a bad habit... it helps to come on and read that others feel the same way cause it is like my reassurance that maybe my dr is right that all it is, is ANXIETY. ggggggrrrrrr FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!

mtassinari
Posts: 20
Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2013 4:55 pm

Re: Need answers

Post by mtassinari » Fri Jan 03, 2014 5:30 pm

Hi 1blessedg,

I totally hear you with being frustrated as well as scared while having this condition. I have often thought, when in the middle of a bad episode, "this can't just be anxiety" It is amazing how powerful our brains are, I too have obsessed about "thinking myself crazy" (at one point after a pretty bad attack I was fairly convinced of this) as well as having a heart attack and sometimes no fear in particular, just feeling awful because of how I perceived things and handled them.

This is my second time going through the program, and I think that it is important to keep going back to the lessons and skills for as long as it takes. Maybe after a long time I will not need to keep going back, but I feel like if a stressful life event comes up I will have a tendency to move back toward my old habits. So at this point I feel like I will be working at it for a while.

You are obviously have a real desire to get better, which seems like one of the most important things. Keep going!

Mike

1blessedg
Posts: 23
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 4:45 pm
Location: On a beach in hawai'i

Re: Need answers

Post by 1blessedg » Tue Jan 07, 2014 5:13 pm

Thanks Mike. It helps to hear that others have the same symptoms. Not that I wish this on anyone, but it helps to reassure me that it's not just me. I get so frustrated with myself because the fact I have been down this road many times and I feel like I should just get it already that I should not be affected by this anymore and yet I still do. I go to therapy weekly and read and pray and I tell you at times I wonder if I will make it out of this. I think maybe this time I won't. I also then realize I have been through so much and have gotten through it without meds and I can do it again. this up and down rollercoaster with myself Is exhausting.

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