Ms. Anxiety - I can so relate to what you are saying. I feel like I have the exact same thoughts that you do. It is comforting to know that I am not alone with this. It is very scary and I constantly feel upset (its more my stomach that is always upset then anything. My meds take care of the other symptoms). I found a good counselor so that has helped me but the thoughts are still there. I find it hard to just "float" through them because I dont want the thoughts at all. And then I have what if thoughts...what if this isnt anxiety and that is really happening to me...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!Then that scares me more.
I think that realizing that these scary thoughts are a symptom is what we got to do. Not questioning, but accepting them as a symptom and not going beyond that. Just see it as a thought. I am struggling to do that but I think that that will help to get us through it.
Disturbing Sexual Thoughts!
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Ms. Anxiety
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 2:00 am
Hi,
Yes, I'm in agreement that they are just thoughts. But it's so damn hard to stop them from being there! Everytime I try not to think about it, I feel like I am putting it away b/c I don't want to acknowledge a certain part of me! Like I am ignoring a very important issue. Then the thoughts get worse. I just want to be the fun, happy, even anxiety-ridden person I was before!
I also constantly tell myself, "wait this cannot be anxiety - it's going on too long, it feels too real!" But when I do snap out of the thoughts, for a few moments, I feel like the old me. I've been anxious before and never wondered these thoughts!" I've obsessed over my health before, my physical appearance, any kind of work I produce. So I guess it wouldn't be surprising that I would obsess over this aspect of myself. I just want this to be a really bad long dream!
Hope321 - What kind of medication are you taking? I have just been given Lexapro, an anti-depressant that also treats anxiety. Through the program, I've learned the proper techniques to keep my own anxiety and panic attacks under control. But I'm having a hard time controlling my thoughts still!
Yes, I'm in agreement that they are just thoughts. But it's so damn hard to stop them from being there! Everytime I try not to think about it, I feel like I am putting it away b/c I don't want to acknowledge a certain part of me! Like I am ignoring a very important issue. Then the thoughts get worse. I just want to be the fun, happy, even anxiety-ridden person I was before!
I also constantly tell myself, "wait this cannot be anxiety - it's going on too long, it feels too real!" But when I do snap out of the thoughts, for a few moments, I feel like the old me. I've been anxious before and never wondered these thoughts!" I've obsessed over my health before, my physical appearance, any kind of work I produce. So I guess it wouldn't be surprising that I would obsess over this aspect of myself. I just want this to be a really bad long dream!
Hope321 - What kind of medication are you taking? I have just been given Lexapro, an anti-depressant that also treats anxiety. Through the program, I've learned the proper techniques to keep my own anxiety and panic attacks under control. But I'm having a hard time controlling my thoughts still!
I am on Lexapro as well. It has helped me a lot with the physical symptoms but I still have the aweful thoughts that I cant get out of my head. I know it is so hard to stop thinking and scaring yourself. (I feel like all your posts I am writing- so weird).
I have had anxiety before as well over something different- I had anticipatory anxiety for months about sleeping, was only getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night. I would rather be back with that anxiety than have these scary thoughts any day.
We will get through this. Stay strong. You know deep down that it is all just lies and it is only in your head- its only thoughts.
Has your counselor shared anymore good advice? I am starting on with a new counselor.
I have had anxiety before as well over something different- I had anticipatory anxiety for months about sleeping, was only getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night. I would rather be back with that anxiety than have these scary thoughts any day.
We will get through this. Stay strong. You know deep down that it is all just lies and it is only in your head- its only thoughts.
Has your counselor shared anymore good advice? I am starting on with a new counselor.
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Ms. Anxiety
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 2:00 am
Hi,
My therapist has said that she has dealt with many patients with OCD (some the pure obsessional kind) and these type of thoughts are typical of the condition. Just as some will have obsessive blasphemous thoughts, some may have obsessive thoughts over cleanliness/germs, some will obsess over sexual thoughts and sexual identity questioning. Her comments always help and I will always start to feel good, but as soon as I am alone and not distracted, the thoughts come back.
I had read some old posts on this board from 2003, where Carolyn Dickman, the Carolyn from this program made a few comments on this topic. She said that she has heard this "What if.." thought many times. She said that it is a scary obsessive thought just like any other. She said by us keeping this thought there, we keep ourselves from moving forward with ridding ourselves of the anxiety.
This is something else my therapist had told me. She said that after having this thought over and over so many times, I have learned it inside out. I know how to use it to scare myself. I had asked her why I can't substitute other thoughts for it when I try, such as scary thoughts of harming others. I've tried to use those thoughts as a replacement just to get away from these other sexual thoughts, but I've found that those thoughts made me more scared. The therapist's reply to this was that I possibly could be keeping the sexual thoughts around b/c they are a safer substitute.
I'd like to share an excerpt from an amazing book called, "Your Best Life Now," by Joel Osteen (p.102):
"Many don't realize it, but we can choose our thoughts. Nobody can make us think about something. You decide what you will entertain in your mind. Simply because the enemy plants a negative, discouraging thought in your brain does not mean you have to 'water' it, nurture it, coddle it, and help it to grow...
...You can choose to cast it down and dismiss it from your mind. Granted your mind is similar to a giant computer in that your brain stores every thought you've ever had. That's encouraging when you are trying to find your car keys, but it's not such good news when you consider the amount of smut, foul language, ungodly concepts, and other negative input with which we are inundated everyday of our lives...
...Nevertheless, simply because a destructive thought is stored in your mental computer does not mean you have to pull it up and run it on the main screen of your mind."
I hope this helps!
Be well.
My therapist has said that she has dealt with many patients with OCD (some the pure obsessional kind) and these type of thoughts are typical of the condition. Just as some will have obsessive blasphemous thoughts, some may have obsessive thoughts over cleanliness/germs, some will obsess over sexual thoughts and sexual identity questioning. Her comments always help and I will always start to feel good, but as soon as I am alone and not distracted, the thoughts come back.
I had read some old posts on this board from 2003, where Carolyn Dickman, the Carolyn from this program made a few comments on this topic. She said that she has heard this "What if.." thought many times. She said that it is a scary obsessive thought just like any other. She said by us keeping this thought there, we keep ourselves from moving forward with ridding ourselves of the anxiety.
This is something else my therapist had told me. She said that after having this thought over and over so many times, I have learned it inside out. I know how to use it to scare myself. I had asked her why I can't substitute other thoughts for it when I try, such as scary thoughts of harming others. I've tried to use those thoughts as a replacement just to get away from these other sexual thoughts, but I've found that those thoughts made me more scared. The therapist's reply to this was that I possibly could be keeping the sexual thoughts around b/c they are a safer substitute.
I'd like to share an excerpt from an amazing book called, "Your Best Life Now," by Joel Osteen (p.102):
"Many don't realize it, but we can choose our thoughts. Nobody can make us think about something. You decide what you will entertain in your mind. Simply because the enemy plants a negative, discouraging thought in your brain does not mean you have to 'water' it, nurture it, coddle it, and help it to grow...
...You can choose to cast it down and dismiss it from your mind. Granted your mind is similar to a giant computer in that your brain stores every thought you've ever had. That's encouraging when you are trying to find your car keys, but it's not such good news when you consider the amount of smut, foul language, ungodly concepts, and other negative input with which we are inundated everyday of our lives...
...Nevertheless, simply because a destructive thought is stored in your mental computer does not mean you have to pull it up and run it on the main screen of your mind."
I hope this helps!
Be well.Wow, I was just here to post on the same topic. I am 22 years old. I am not in a relationship, nor have I ever been in one. But in the last 2 weeks, I've been constantly worrying - what if I am with a person and I love her and I still am not sure. I don't want her to hate me. But mine goes even further - what if I am with her and then I want to be with someone else. I also worry about my sexual orientation becoming different. I think I am bisexual - and I worry that I might want to be with someone of the same gender. What would my wife/significant other think? Will she hate me?
I have no intentions in the present of pursuing a relationship with someone of the same sex but what if this changes? And, here are, of course, the whole coming out questions. I don't think I could live the gay lifestyle happily. My family and religion would have problems accepting it. My family and friends love me, but they would not be thrilled about my identity, although they could come to terms with it. But I do want to be with a woman eventually. So many thoughts, and I have so little control over them. I feel like these are going to drive me nuts. Can someone please please help me? I've been pretty relieved by reading these posts. But any specific encouragement to my specific case? What do you think I should do? Did your thoughts on this subject go away? Are any of you happy in your relationships even though you may have had homoerotic thoughts/emotions/dreams? I am so worried...
But I do like women too. I just am very afraid.
Please help. And please be gentle.
Thanks.
Please give a gentle response. I am obsessing enough
I have no intentions in the present of pursuing a relationship with someone of the same sex but what if this changes? And, here are, of course, the whole coming out questions. I don't think I could live the gay lifestyle happily. My family and religion would have problems accepting it. My family and friends love me, but they would not be thrilled about my identity, although they could come to terms with it. But I do want to be with a woman eventually. So many thoughts, and I have so little control over them. I feel like these are going to drive me nuts. Can someone please please help me? I've been pretty relieved by reading these posts. But any specific encouragement to my specific case? What do you think I should do? Did your thoughts on this subject go away? Are any of you happy in your relationships even though you may have had homoerotic thoughts/emotions/dreams? I am so worried...
But I do like women too. I just am very afraid.
Please help. And please be gentle.
Thanks.
Please give a gentle response. I am obsessing enough
Thank you chris tt! I had heard this all before from my therapist but hearing it from someone who has actually gone thru it make me feel so much better. I know that these are just thoughts and the more power you give them the more they will eat away at any happiness you have left. One thing that you said and my therapist said that really helps me is, people who really do the things we fear are not afraid of doing them! They do not feel afraid, they do not feel ashamed, they will just do them! They don't sit in fear thinking about it, they act!Thanks so much from the honesty of this forum. I just want to add my name to the list of us who are plagued by these strange, obsessive, scary thoughts. They started when I went through the program for the first time and literally prevented me from functioning. I was already having tremendous anxiety, but what I could do I couldn't even do once these thoughts started...they were THAT arresting and disturbing to me. I could barely even LISTEN to the skills the program was trying to teach me because I was so CONSTANTLY ruminating over this thought.
I am a woman and have ALWAYS been very attracted to men and all of the sudden I had these crazy thoughts. In hindsight, I know it was to distract me from difficult decisions I needed to fact with regard to the relationship I was then in. All of the sudden I couldn't think about those issues because I was having these totally horrible thoughts that made me incapapble of dealing with anything real. So the obsessive thought lesson in the program took a while to settle in with me: at first the thoughts were too much that reason couldn't override them. But finally it made sense and it stuck. Reason and trust and knowing myself were the answers.
But reading your other experiences just helps me reinforce what I've learned from my own. Thanks so much...
I am a woman and have ALWAYS been very attracted to men and all of the sudden I had these crazy thoughts. In hindsight, I know it was to distract me from difficult decisions I needed to fact with regard to the relationship I was then in. All of the sudden I couldn't think about those issues because I was having these totally horrible thoughts that made me incapapble of dealing with anything real. So the obsessive thought lesson in the program took a while to settle in with me: at first the thoughts were too much that reason couldn't override them. But finally it made sense and it stuck. Reason and trust and knowing myself were the answers.
But reading your other experiences just helps me reinforce what I've learned from my own. Thanks so much...
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longtimeanxiety
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2005 2:06 pm
I am so glad that I found this post. I have been suffering from anxiety most of my life. It manifested itself pretty significantly in my early twenties around my health. For a period of 3 years I was convinced I was dying of some terrible disease. I was able to deal with those, and it is now back with disturbing thoughts. This post helped me a ton, I felt like I was the only one who was struggling with this. I am thinking of going back on medication for my anxiety. I went off because I felt like I could deal with it myself, but I don't think that I can. I have felt just awful having disturbing thoughts, but it helps to know that they are most likely a manisfestation of my anxiety. Some days I just feel like I can't deal with this another day.
Wow!! I have never told anyone about my disturbing, horrible thoughts. Ever!! I have kept them secret because I was scared that they were not normal or okay. I thought that it meant I had the potential to be a bad, nasty person. I have spent days and days stressing over the idea that I could be one of those bad people who hurt others. Then one day, I decided that I would not let these thoughts have power over me anymore and let myself become one of those bad people and that I had to find a way to stop my wondering mind and put them into check.
Please note, I have not talked to a therapist or anyone else about how to handle this. I came up with this bizzare idea and maybe, just maybe it could help someone else.
I wrote my thoughts down, on a piece of paper. Every little detail and then I destroyed the paper. As I destroyed it I told myself that these thoughts were no longer allowed to enter my brain and that they would be gone forever. That was over six months ago and tonight (reading all of this) is the first time that I have thought about them since. I really hope that this helps somebody out there.
Also, I read that many people are afraid of what their family might think of them because they hold certain ideas such as "sexual preferrences". I have a story that I want to share with all of you that hopefully will give you the power and confidence to be you -- no matter what.
My father is against inter-racial relationships -- and inter-racial children are definitly out of the question. The rest of my family has the same opinion. Well, after my divorce, I had a nervous breakdown and my life completely fell apart because I felt like a failure and a loser. Then, a man (from a different country) came into my life and lifted my spirit in every possible way, he gave me new life. My father had no opinion -- he wouldn't even talk to me about it. Finally, five years later I decided to marry this man and on my wedding day my father was the only person in my family to show up.
About 30 minutes before the ceremony began, he came to my dressing room and he grabbed my face, looked me straight in eye and asked, "Do you know why I am here today?" I told him, "No!" He said, "It is because I never thought that it could be possible for anyone to love you more than I do and he does." Now, my father wants his grandbabies.
The point to my story is, that family will always love you. Sometimes it is difficult for them to see past their own thoughts/beliefs but they will support you, they will be there at some point. If there is anything that I have learned it is that the hardest step in anything in this life is for us to have acceptance of ourselves before anyone else can.
I wish everybody the best of luck!!
Please note, I have not talked to a therapist or anyone else about how to handle this. I came up with this bizzare idea and maybe, just maybe it could help someone else.
I wrote my thoughts down, on a piece of paper. Every little detail and then I destroyed the paper. As I destroyed it I told myself that these thoughts were no longer allowed to enter my brain and that they would be gone forever. That was over six months ago and tonight (reading all of this) is the first time that I have thought about them since. I really hope that this helps somebody out there.
Also, I read that many people are afraid of what their family might think of them because they hold certain ideas such as "sexual preferrences". I have a story that I want to share with all of you that hopefully will give you the power and confidence to be you -- no matter what.
My father is against inter-racial relationships -- and inter-racial children are definitly out of the question. The rest of my family has the same opinion. Well, after my divorce, I had a nervous breakdown and my life completely fell apart because I felt like a failure and a loser. Then, a man (from a different country) came into my life and lifted my spirit in every possible way, he gave me new life. My father had no opinion -- he wouldn't even talk to me about it. Finally, five years later I decided to marry this man and on my wedding day my father was the only person in my family to show up.
About 30 minutes before the ceremony began, he came to my dressing room and he grabbed my face, looked me straight in eye and asked, "Do you know why I am here today?" I told him, "No!" He said, "It is because I never thought that it could be possible for anyone to love you more than I do and he does." Now, my father wants his grandbabies.
The point to my story is, that family will always love you. Sometimes it is difficult for them to see past their own thoughts/beliefs but they will support you, they will be there at some point. If there is anything that I have learned it is that the hardest step in anything in this life is for us to have acceptance of ourselves before anyone else can.
I wish everybody the best of luck!!
This has been very encouraging for me to read all of your posts. Thank you. I know how draining and annoying these thoughts are. I do agree with an approach that someone else brought up. One day while obessessing I was gay, I just said, ok, fine you are. And I smiled and went on with my day. I'm not gay, but just saying that seemed to shut it up. We are not our thoughts, we are who is witnessing our thoughts. I do think that in us, our stress just manifests itself into scarey thoughts to elude us from what's really bothering us. And since much in this world is out of our control, well, it would stand to reason why we obsess often. I think our brain thinks it is doing us a favor. So now, when I start getting these thoughts, I try to think of what's really bothering me, and deal with it. The thoughts usually disappear after that. I hope this helps someone else. I'll pray for all of you to have peace of mind.
Amber
Amber