Fear of suicide

[honeydew3]

Hello... has anyone really been afraid of suicide? I experienced trauma in Sept. and had someone say to me "good thing your so strong some people might kill themselves" nice comforting words huh? SO then I developed this wonderful obsessive scary thought. Although I am working with a therpist and have a support it feels very lonely. I start crying when I look at my kids and one graduating and I get sad I might not be here too see it... I realize that when the intial scary thought happened I was sooo scared and went and asked everyone if I was ok.... I write the irrational thought downa dn counter act if with a rational response and I am just waiting for a head/heart connection. I know this thought was not my original thought to begin with but I worry that there might be a day I wswitch over and it becomes my reality. I loved and still do my family and everything in it... I love everything but this thought. I was just told over the weekend to accept the thought. Just when it comes just say " yep...maybe someday I will" and go on... that my brain red flagged it in the beginning with fear thats why I keep going back to it... but play its silly game and just say... "yep you may be right" and that takes the fear out of it and its easier to let it go and its repetive nature will die down..... I just want someone to tell me with 110% certainty this will never happen.... but that what gets us in trouble is the quest for certainty..... and reassurance is not good either I have been told... it keeps the fear red flagged. I want to live but all I do is fear dying... Uggghhhhh its so frustrating. Anyone else ever had this particular fear and could you please help me with this.. I used to have soo much anxiety attached to it and now I get scared because Im not as afraid of it which makes me concerned hoping I am not really wanting too and just havent realized it yet. Sorry for it beig so long... any advice is so much appreciated... God bless..... Laura

[missobsessive]

Hi Laura,

I just read your post and wanted to reply because I went through this exact same terrifying obsessive thought about...4 years ago. And guess what?! I'm still heeeerrrreeeee .

The way you are thinking, dwelling, ruminating, reassuring, obsessing, worrying, etc says that this is simply an obsessive thought. You are not going to do anything.

I don't know if you have the program, but just like they say on this lesson- it's not the subject or topic of the thought that matters. Your mind is going to create some idea or scenario that is powerful enough to distract you from something, whether its something going on in your life or just this anxiety.

Through practicing everything in the program, I've come to realize that one thing (of the many true things)Jackie says in it is true. These obsessive scary thoughts are just a side affect of the anxiety. Once you get the anxiety under control and you are experiencing a calm body and mind, your mind won't need to obsess any more.

I know right now it's very difficult to believe because you are stuck in this cycle, but believe me when I say that it will eventually fade and you will look back on it and think 'wow, i remember when i obsessed about that.' And it will no longer have the same affect on you. It will just be a memory. Trust me! I know from experience!!!

Hope this helps

[Drksydeone]

hey all.. I know that feeling all too well.. I mean this is my third time coming through the program. I also have the suicide thoughts.. Totally suck. Anyway my mind can get my attention. I immediateley jumped right to this chapter. Ive come thouygh this condition before and feel hopeful i will overcome it again. Its debilitating at times. I hate all thses obsessive scary thoughts. I keep telling myself. This too shall pass.

[KAMO]

Yea, I had those thoughts too, but I knew that would be a very selfish thing to do to my family and I love life too much. It did bring me to Christ and I am so thankful for that. According to Lucinda, all of our obsessive, anxious thoughts are coming from ourselves, and we just have to learn what to do to keep from having them. I guess I've not learned yet, because I have the "what if" problem which causes me to have anxiety attacks, but I'm no longer thinking it's so bad that I don't want to live anymore and I'm just going to have to keep working at it.

[ladyjeweler]

This has been a fear of mine since my old best friend tried multiple times to end her own life. I always thought what if I do that too, what makes someone want kill themselves, if she did it maybe I will too. These thoughts scared me so much and still do eventhough I'm not friends with this person. The last time a few years ago she tried to kill herself again and ended up in the hospital. That's when I ended the friendship. I was so worried about her every time the phone rang my heart would pound and my hands would sweat.
I know I don't want to and won't kill myself. This is still such an obsessive, scary thought.
I'm comforted that I'm not the only one that has this scary thought. As I type this I'm realizing that just because my old friend attempted suicide does NOT mean that I will. Her problems are not mine.