Will I ever get my life back?

[HopefulDreams]

Dear All,
I'm new the the program but certainly not new to anxiety and depression. When I was 17 years old my anxiety escalated so much that I was in a psych hospital. Needless to say I have been traumatized since. I was there diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was young and felt so much that I could bounce back... I did and was off meds with talk therapy and family support. But 3 years later my anxiety came back and ruined my relationship at the time and most importantly with myself. I felt everything was my fault and became angry at the world and my family. The MD put my on various bipolar meds.. but what worked was Effexor XR and was on it for years, married on it moved graduated college, found a job. Some Dr's were thinking i wasn't bipolar at all ... just severely anxious.
Well I'm now 29 and right before my 29th birthday, I had another major anxiety attack. I'm married and live on the second floor of my family's home but want to start a family of my own. Feeling like a child again, my anxiety has made me feel that now I cannot achieve my dreams... the depression hit hard... and I was hospitalized ---again! Despite my years on antianxiety meds, the DRs looked at my records and relabeled me as bipolar because and I quote "they can't separate this incident from what happed 12 years ago" and put me on lithium .. but i still have anxiety attacks so they added klonopin...
I'm trying everything for the sake of my life and my marriage and my family... but I'm so afraid because it's been so long I don't remember what it feels like to not be this way... and what being me really is like

Anyone else feel this way?

[nervousfoot]

Yes you will! Hang in there and believe in yourself. It doesn't sound like Bipolar Disorder to me but I am not a Dr. Bipolar disorder comes with episodes of mania and depression. Your condition sounds like severe anxiety, which is very treatable. An exercise program, along with therapy and meds (if needed) will help.

Controlling anxiety and depression is something you need to work at. It can be hard at first but will become easier as you gain confidence.

Good Luck and God Bless

Nervousfoot

[LyndaLu]

I can totaly relate to your last sentence....."and what being me really is like". I had a breakdown and was hospitalized and have never felt that I have been the same "me" after that. Keep working the Program and you will learn new life skills that can help you during your journey to become a new,better and stronger you. I guarantee, the new you is gonna be great.
Be strong and keep writing. Lynda Lu.

[lindatenney]

It is so good to see someone say the same things you have thought but didn't think anyone would understand...will I ever be like myself again? I have had anxiety since I was a child. Sometimes it has gotten extremely bad. I am on medication and have been for over 30 years, but it doesn't always work well. But I do know how you feel. You would give your right arm to have this stuff just go away. I saw a doctor who thinks depression/anxiety is a nutrition problem. Lucinda also suggests eating in a healthy way. My psychiatrist is about to turn me away because she says she can't do much more for me. So I am hoping this program will work for me. There is always hope so hang in there. Maybe we'll wake up in the morning and the headline in the newspaper will read "Cure for Depression/Anxiety".

[scaredxtoxdeath]

I am on the same boat as you guys. Started when my parents took me out of my school when I was I think 15? and moved me to another school. I was always very popular and had lots of friends. But I started to get out of control in high school. I went partying a lot, was extremely rebellious, ran away, started cutting, etc,and was severely depressed. My parents took me to a psych that put me on medication for being bipolar. Although I was not. I think that is their way of dealing with the problem. Name it and give you a medication. I was on meds for years and only continued to get worse. I started having the panic attacks at my new school, especially when I had to be infront of the class...which was completely unlike me because I would jump at the chance to do any presentation in my old school, I loved being the center of attention. But I completely changed. I didn't know what was happening to me. I ended up in Phil Haven because my parents didn't know what to do with me, and like you said, it was tramatizing. I got better for about a year...but then about a year after graduating high school it all came back and 10 times worse. I been gradually getting worse now for the past 5 years. I have the same problem with remembering how I used to think about things, how nothing bothered me and I loved an adrenaline rush. Now I can't remember how to think that way again. I feel like its gone too far to ever get back to a freedom like that. How do you just erase years of torture? I feel the same way, I don't even know what I would be like to be me again, and I am scared to change. I've been doing this so long, I don't remember what its like to not feel this way. I hope we all make it through this program, and really learn how to change ourselves for the better. We all deserve to be happy. Its just a little extra work getting there. But I believe one day, God willing, I will be free of this. Also, I got off of all of my medication, it never helped and all it did was give me other physical problems. This is not something we need medication for. We need to actually changes our minds and face our fears...a pill won't do that for us.

[LyndaLu]

But I believe one day, God willing, I will be free of this.

I agree with you.

Thanks for sharing your story !

Stay strong and God Bless.

Lynda

[hopeful12]

It sounds like anxiety strikes when you are making changes in your life like thinking about starting a family. That happens to me too. My oldest child will be leaving home soon and that makes me anxious. My husband is interviewing for a new job -- same thing. I had my worst anxiety/panic when we moved from Maryland to NY and bought a house. I thought I was losing my mind and would never feel normal again. The dread feeling was the worst. I went to the ER. The doctor thought it would be good to hospitalize me. As soon as I got upstairs and saw how different the other patients were, I was more panicky about that and went into survival mode and demanded to be discharged. I was still traumatized by this. I did not need to be in the hospital. I needed my family and the Attacking Anxiety program. What I needed was a break, I had two little kids, a new house, and I didn't know anyone. I think it is awful how some doctors are quick to judge. I wish there was a label on them -- good or not so good. The thing is that if bi polar is their specialty, then they start seeing everyone as bi polar. I am not kidding. My therapist said she worked with a certain psychiatrist and then stopped referring patients because everyone came back labeled as bipolar. If you do not have mania then I really would want a second opinion about the diagnosis. What I like about StressCenter if you call them and talk to a coach is that all of the coaches have had anxiety and have been through the program. They understand. That is not true with all therapists and certainly not psychiatrists. We just have to be careful consumers, no doubt in a compromised time in our life. But here is the thing, we are creative, intelligent people --we are analytical too so we can use those skills to pick the right doctor. If your gut tells you it is not right, then speak up. Follow the program and call the center if you need more help. Tell yourself, oh, this is just my anxiety because I am considering a big change. I will be all right. God Bless!