Stress Center Peer Support

Hi

I need guidance. I am stuck on an obsessive scary thought. I was getting good at getting over a fear but then another scary thought would just take its place. Its like my mind is getting smarter and smarter with scaring myself. Now I started reading the book a Course in Miracles. Well by the time I was almost done reading chapter one I was panicked. All the talk about this world being an illusion is what did it and that we are all ONE. It scared the bejesus out of me. Now all I can think about is that that would mean that I would lose myself if I believed that. Then I think what's the point of our being on this planet if it is an illusion of our separation from God? What is the point of my enjoying a TV show if its not real and I'm not real. This book has brought inner peace to so many people so why has it created panic in me?? I don't even know how I will get over this one. I was trying to make myself feel better and now I feel like I have just made myself worse. I'm so Scared now. Is this an obsessive thought that will go away? Why have I done this to myself? I feel like I just keep scaring myself over and over and over again. When will it end? I was so hoping to do this without going back to the pdoc.

My repeated questioning of life and death all began when a neighbor died, 2 months after his mother died. I felt horrible for the family and then wham all my obsessing and panic hit me. I was feeling anxious prior to that about my father feeling ill and the fact that I am almost 37 and have no husband and possibly won't have kids in the future. Now its complete neurosis. Can anyone help?

And, can I add one more thing. I wanted so badly to get a gold cross to wear around my neck to remind me to pray to Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Now after reading the teaching of Jesus in the course I don't even want the necklace anymore. That's how much it confused and scared me. I'm so confused as to whether this is actually just an obsessive scary thought? I feel like I am having a spiritual crisis.

T

Hi Diva,
All I can say to you is GET THAT BOOK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! If you're a Christian and believe in the whole truth of God's word(The Bible) that's the book you want to be reading. A Course in Miracles, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and others like it are all New Age stuff that use "god" in their books but actually has no Christian basis what so ever. I can see why that book scared you so badly. Just remember, Satan roams around like a roaring lion looking to who he may devour and he uses these books and other materials like it to do that. You don't need a necklace as long as you have Jesus in heart. I hope this helps.