I have several big life stresses occurring in my life right. I have a terminally ill mother in law, job loss and inability to seem to keep focus on what I need to.
The past two nights have been rough. I end up with this feeling of absolute pit of my stomach sadness. I can't sleep very well and of course the scary thoughts start to enter my tired mind.
At one point this morning as the sun rose, I thought. Will I be able to handle being like this again? I just got through this and now I feel I am struggling once again.
I don't know why I am writing this in particular, other then to get some reassurance I suppose. My Pure "O" is back to it's old tricks .
I felt like going to the hospital this morning as I had no feelings, no anything, just a null fear and an idea that hey am I going crazy here?
I have had this now for 22 years, so you'd think by now, i'd be able to convince myself otherwise.
I really just need some comforting words from you all, to help me take the edge off of how I am feeling.
I appreciate anything..
Zoe
A rough anxious night. Been a while.
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Guest
hey zoe,
I too am a "pure-o". Some days I do feel that way. Like I am an emotionless zombie. I was so use to being at such high levels of anxiety that now that i am leveling off it scares me.
When i am stressed out I obsess as well. But so do people without OCD. You are going through some pretty difficult things. Add on that the OCD and it can get tricky. My advice to you is that nothing last forever, good or bad. Do your best to let go of what you can't control. Take action on the things you can do something about and be optimistic because we tend to dwell on the bad things and miss the good stuff.
As far as the Pure o goes have you done the program or some other kind of therapy for it?
I myself am seeing a specialist for it right now. Money is tough for me as i am only a college student. But I am also on medication and therapy and each day I make strides. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you look ahead and keep moving forward. My heart as with you and thoughts and prayer
Eddy J
I too am a "pure-o". Some days I do feel that way. Like I am an emotionless zombie. I was so use to being at such high levels of anxiety that now that i am leveling off it scares me.
When i am stressed out I obsess as well. But so do people without OCD. You are going through some pretty difficult things. Add on that the OCD and it can get tricky. My advice to you is that nothing last forever, good or bad. Do your best to let go of what you can't control. Take action on the things you can do something about and be optimistic because we tend to dwell on the bad things and miss the good stuff.
As far as the Pure o goes have you done the program or some other kind of therapy for it?
I myself am seeing a specialist for it right now. Money is tough for me as i am only a college student. But I am also on medication and therapy and each day I make strides. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you look ahead and keep moving forward. My heart as with you and thoughts and prayer
Eddy J
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Guest
Thanks Eddy,
Your words are so kind and so thought out. You are truly a wonderful person.
I went to the doc yesterday and I feel a little better today. Still the Pure "O" at times, but it is easier and easier to accept once again.
The guilt that is associated with Pure "O" thoughts is what keeps it around for me. I think, "How could I think that?" guilt cycle kicks in. Then I keep that for a long time until the guilt turns into me thinking in the old habitual ways.
All the best Eddy
YOu are a soldier in the same fight as myself.
Zoe
Your words are so kind and so thought out. You are truly a wonderful person.
I went to the doc yesterday and I feel a little better today. Still the Pure "O" at times, but it is easier and easier to accept once again.
The guilt that is associated with Pure "O" thoughts is what keeps it around for me. I think, "How could I think that?" guilt cycle kicks in. Then I keep that for a long time until the guilt turns into me thinking in the old habitual ways.
All the best Eddy
YOu are a soldier in the same fight as myself.
Zoe
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Guest
Hey Zoe,
I am glad you are doing better today. It is a battle but you know I rather battle than sit there and not do anything about it.
The guilt use to get me too. But you gotta remember that everyone has these thoughts, us Pure-O's attach emotion to them and thus our brain continues the cycle even when we don't expect it.
That is the only difference. Rid yourself of the emotional response ( fear and anxiety) and the thoughts just stop coming little by little.
I use to ruminate for hours and at the end of the day would feel so drained. And start to think, you mean I have to do this again tommorrow? It takes less effort to just let the thoughts sit there and NOT ruminate.
It was a risk because my fear was that if I let the thoughts sit there they might come true. Well I let the thoughts sit there one day because I was fed up with ruminating...and guess what...all the experts were right...THEY ARE JUST MEANINGLESS THOUGHTS that I made real by attaching anxiety and fear to them.
Our compulsion is responding to the thoughts by ruminating. So what has helped my recovery was differentiating between positive self-talk and ruminating. Ruminating is responding to those scary ambiguious questions and thoughts.
No i would never do that! why did i think that!
Positive self-talk woudl be more like
This is just OCD and anxiety and I wont give it any power. these thoughts mean nothing. I will allow them because they mean nothing.
Not responding is anxiety producing, but eventually it becomes easier to do with practice.
So dont respond directly to the thoughts. Only respond by saying " this is just anxiety and I am ok. This thought means nothing, it is not my reality...then move on to what ever task you were doing.
I hope this helps friend. God bless
Eddy J
I am glad you are doing better today. It is a battle but you know I rather battle than sit there and not do anything about it.
The guilt use to get me too. But you gotta remember that everyone has these thoughts, us Pure-O's attach emotion to them and thus our brain continues the cycle even when we don't expect it.
That is the only difference. Rid yourself of the emotional response ( fear and anxiety) and the thoughts just stop coming little by little.
I use to ruminate for hours and at the end of the day would feel so drained. And start to think, you mean I have to do this again tommorrow? It takes less effort to just let the thoughts sit there and NOT ruminate.
It was a risk because my fear was that if I let the thoughts sit there they might come true. Well I let the thoughts sit there one day because I was fed up with ruminating...and guess what...all the experts were right...THEY ARE JUST MEANINGLESS THOUGHTS that I made real by attaching anxiety and fear to them.
Our compulsion is responding to the thoughts by ruminating. So what has helped my recovery was differentiating between positive self-talk and ruminating. Ruminating is responding to those scary ambiguious questions and thoughts.
No i would never do that! why did i think that!
Positive self-talk woudl be more like
This is just OCD and anxiety and I wont give it any power. these thoughts mean nothing. I will allow them because they mean nothing.
Not responding is anxiety producing, but eventually it becomes easier to do with practice.
So dont respond directly to the thoughts. Only respond by saying " this is just anxiety and I am ok. This thought means nothing, it is not my reality...then move on to what ever task you were doing.
I hope this helps friend. God bless
Eddy J
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Guest
Eddy,
Thanks my friend. I will head your words of wisdom. I do tell myself that it's only OCD, but when the OCD thoughts seem to bombard you it is really overwhelming.
the guilt of the thoughts makes me cry and a very sad person. Today, it's a different story though. I have a different attitude. I am trying to accept the thoughts. I am trying to say, "whatever" to the thoughts. I even went out with my brother and talked to him about them. It's hard to admit them, but once I did, he sort of laughed at them and it made me laugh. We started to take them to extreme and it made me scared but at the same time, it made me realize how silly they are. It's just with Pure "O" whatever the theme is, it seems that you have to accept the thought. So, I am learning once again.. Once again, this man is trying his best to figure this out. But guess what, I should stop figuring and START accepting again. That's when they fly the coop!
You are one great person Eddy and I am so glad you are on here.
Thanks for all your support as I struggle in this set back.
Zoe
Thanks my friend. I will head your words of wisdom. I do tell myself that it's only OCD, but when the OCD thoughts seem to bombard you it is really overwhelming.
the guilt of the thoughts makes me cry and a very sad person. Today, it's a different story though. I have a different attitude. I am trying to accept the thoughts. I am trying to say, "whatever" to the thoughts. I even went out with my brother and talked to him about them. It's hard to admit them, but once I did, he sort of laughed at them and it made me laugh. We started to take them to extreme and it made me scared but at the same time, it made me realize how silly they are. It's just with Pure "O" whatever the theme is, it seems that you have to accept the thought. So, I am learning once again.. Once again, this man is trying his best to figure this out. But guess what, I should stop figuring and START accepting again. That's when they fly the coop!
You are one great person Eddy and I am so glad you are on here.
Thanks for all your support as I struggle in this set back.
Zoe
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Guest
Hey ZOe,
I know the feeling. Today I was very obsessive. I wont share my specific obsessive thoughts, because they dont really matter, it is the ruminating that is the problem.
My psychologist tells me OCD is like a bully. It will push you around if you let it. It will bluff you when you least expect it. But once you stand up and tell it you don't mind its presence and you can do what ever you want, it goes away. I use to obsess about panic attacks, but i conquered that bully. I even use to obsess about going crazy and hurting others. But I seemed to have conquered that bully as well. I will conquer this current bully.
But recovery is 2 steps forwards and 2 steps back. We have to not ask ourselves why we have a set back, and simply be there for ourselves with compassion and a positive attitude. " today has been an obsessively anxious day. I feel down. But I will learn from this. It does not last and tomorrow is a new day. I accept these 2 steps backwards for I am ready to leap 4 steps forward tomorrow
Take care friend,
Eddy
I know the feeling. Today I was very obsessive. I wont share my specific obsessive thoughts, because they dont really matter, it is the ruminating that is the problem.
My psychologist tells me OCD is like a bully. It will push you around if you let it. It will bluff you when you least expect it. But once you stand up and tell it you don't mind its presence and you can do what ever you want, it goes away. I use to obsess about panic attacks, but i conquered that bully. I even use to obsess about going crazy and hurting others. But I seemed to have conquered that bully as well. I will conquer this current bully.
But recovery is 2 steps forwards and 2 steps back. We have to not ask ourselves why we have a set back, and simply be there for ourselves with compassion and a positive attitude. " today has been an obsessively anxious day. I feel down. But I will learn from this. It does not last and tomorrow is a new day. I accept these 2 steps backwards for I am ready to leap 4 steps forward tomorrow
Take care friend,
Eddy
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Guest
Eddy - YOu are a very wise person. Thank you for all you share on the site about OST. I am battling big time. I do well for a day or two and then BOOM, back into it. It is draining, exhausting and depressing for sure. I just wish I could get it. I've read so much and yet can't seem to "believe" it and just sit back and accept. Thank you though. I really do appreciate your compassion and kindness. That helps.
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Guest
I am on here because I have gotten so much more out of it. Just knowing you are not the only one dealing with this is comforting. We can all get through this together. We can learn from each other. I too will have 4 good days and then a really rough one. And that rough day seems like the worse one because you were doing so well. But in reality its not as bad because everyday you learn something. It is not an easy fight, but atleast we have means to fight. How many conditions out there exists with no cures. We are blessed in that there are ways to rid ourselves of what we endure. But this makes us stronger. We are learning skills that average people don't have as it pertains to coping with stress, depression, and anxiety. Keep it up and try and see a rough day as a day of growth. Journal Journal journal! I cant stress how much that has helped me in my recovery. I am almost there I can taste it. But I really worked hard. I am no better than any of you. If you put in the same effort I did you can get here too
I am always on here if you need to vent, share, or just need a friend
God Bless
EddyJ
I am always on here if you need to vent, share, or just need a friend
God Bless
EddyJ