Stress Center Peer Support

I'm living with a friend right now and the way he deals with anger is he lets it build up and then explodes and yells. I've been afraid of that so i had to write through it and so i wrote down that when he yells, monkeys fall out of his mouth and slap each other on the butt and pee all over the place. It's so simple but it works! (I wrote this in my onion thread back in Jan/Feb. One lady decided to try that and when her husband started to yell she burst out laughing...her son followed suit and then the husband as well.



Wow we have made it 2/3rds of the way through the program. This is definately a good time to reflect back on the progress you have made since you started the challenge. You may not be where you want to be but I know you've all made progress so i'm sure you are at least further along your path!

Ok so now I am going to change it up a bit here. Up until this point I have been posting quotes at the beginning of my daily posts. This time I am going to find something humorus and post something diffrent each day! It is extremely important that we add humor to our lives (via comedy shows, funny pictures, parody songs...etc) as this will help us get our creative juices flowing when it comes to handling obsessive thoughts. Karen L I will probabbly need to borrow you for some of these Humorus replacement thoughts to some obsessive thoughts. I welcome you all to do the same as me, we can make this lesson soooo much fun!

Here is a clip from a show called Obsessed! Its actually about people who have obsessive compulsive disorders and Cognitive Behavioral Therapists help them to overcome these conditions! It is an amazing show! We might not be as severe as these people but what feeds Compulsions is the obsessive thoughts and that is something we have in common!

Obsessed on A&E

And here is a sneak peek of what they do;

5 Minute sneakpeak

Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving you guys.



Mike

Hello everyone! Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. I'm good, full! Time for the couch! LOL... I have not check out all the post, but I know we were going to start the new one. I'll catch up very soon.

How to Address Obsessive, Scary Thoughts
* My way of thinking is a habit.
* I can change.
* I will deal, not dwell.
* Feelings are not facts.
* We are not our thoughts; we are our actions.
* I will use humor.
* I don't have to chase down every disturbing thought just to see how scary it gets.
* I am capable of facing my fears.
* I will not act on my scary thoughts.

Side 2:

Obsessive thinking is an avoidance behavior.
It is circular thinking and non- productive.
Inventory beliefs; look for misbeliefs.

1. NOTICE - catch the first thoughts that lead to a spiral of scary, negative ones.
2. ACCEPT - Thoughts, just thoughts. Breathe.
3. INTERRUPT - mentally count to ten.
4. CLOSE THE GATE - mentally see yourself closing the gate on the flow of the thoughts.
5. DISTRACT - choose a new direction.

REWIND * DISCOVER * REPLACE

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THH;
The only diffrence between your lesson 10 carry-a-long card and mine is that statement that I can change is on yours and not mine. Thats the only diffrence.

Friday

I feel really stupid for ever believing that I should feel ashamed of myself for how my body reacted while I was sexually abused. As the days go by, I realize more and more how stupid and irrational that belief was. Of course I didn't know any better and was really young when this happened so It is very understandable. Carolyn said in one of the tapes that "we don't see the idiocy of these things" well I'm starting to.

I'm also realizing a couple of other things. I get to a certain part of the program and then it starts to go down hill, I start to avoid thought replacement, 6 steps and many other things and I get discouraged and then stop taking action and go back to just being anxious and depressed and playing my videogames. I have started to do some Vertical Arrow Technique to find out my beliefs for why I can't do the thought replacements anymore because I am starting to resist them. In my head if I do them, I will realize that I have to get a job as part of me overcoming this condition. That scares me because I do not feel ready and I'm afraid I'll be really nervous during the interview. Nervousness makes me bewildered and spacy and I can't think clearly and am afraid of not saying the "right" thing (This is similar to perfectionism except that i'm afraid I won't be able to say what I mean or answer the question adequately enough). If I don't say what I want to say and I don't look confident then the other person will say really mean things and make me feel bad about myself. Then I will feel worthless.

I'm still working on figuring out what this means I believe but I have realize that I feel like I have to be in complete control of myself and my emotions when in social situations. I'm planning to do another Feared Fantasy Method with this information like I did with the shame of being abused. It seemed to work alot with the shame so we'll see how it goes with this. If I can overcome my need to be in complete control of myself then I can start to look for a job!


Paisleegreen
You had mentioned not having the book and that the part of the disc that mentions about the affirmations does not work. My book suggested to use the book's affirmations as it was more recent then the tape recording so I'll post those. They could be diffrent from the more recent program however but they are still really effective. Anyways here they are;

Book
I like myself. I am working to improve myself, to be stronger. I like myself for who I am today. I will feel even stronger tomorrow and even stronger in 6 months to a year.

There are a lot of good things about me. I am talented. I am loving. I am confident

I am positive. I radiate good positive feelings. I am full of life. I love life. I am very glad to be alive

I am intelligent. I am interested in new things and ready for new challenges

I have a lot of energy. I am exciting and I enjoy my own company. People enjoy being around me.

I am sincere and honest. I am a real person. I feel good about my weaknesses and strengths. I accept myself for who I am. I am working toward being even better.

I enjoy feelings of excitement. I want to feel life. I enjoy feeling alive.

I deserrve to be happy, to feel content. I have a right to go after the things I want in life. I will achieve them.

I am hardworking, enthusiastic and energetic. I am special

I am a good problem solver. I am confident in my ability to make decisions. There is no problem that I can't conquer. My strength is greater than any problem I might be faced with. Problems are just opportunities to grow

Lines, traffic, crowds and waiting don't bother me. I don't mind spending time being patient. There really is no emergency.

I can accomplish anything I want. Nothing can stand in my way. I am strong. I am in control of my life.

I feel calm. I have peace of mind. It is good to let my mind clear, to let thoughts drift in and out. I feel relaxed. I feel soothed. I feel comfortable.


Mike

Mike,
Well good, you can add that line to yours! Have all the others matched yours? I know you didn't have a few cards but I'm not sure what ones?


I'm glad you realized how your body reacted was more of a impulse and that you should not feel ashamed! It is hard knowing stuff like that. It is good you found out so you can let that go. Maybe the feelings you have are because you carried that for so long? Those are personal questions I would be to afraid to ask. You did good!

It sounds like getting a job is your biggest challenge. And you are feeling you are not ready? What makes you feel you are ready to try for a job?

I know all about the feeling you have described above with the bewildered and spacy feelings. Oh and saying the right thing. Could practice sessions help prepare you?

Just a few of my thoughts.

Book, is this the book you are writing? Very good messages!!!

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To the moon and Back by Savage Garden
The lyrics from the video are like how I feel. I feel like that girl he is singing about. Its a pretty good video.

THH;

I mostly just have from 10 up so we'll see from then.

Yes thats exactly why I felt the way I do, because it was carried for so long. Its not going to help me saying don't worry about it but I can say you don't have to worry about asking the wrong question with me. I don't get offended very easily. I was very glad that I know what I do because it has helped me overcome that belief. I'm going to use it for other beliefs too. I think I did good too, thank you!

My need for love and approval from others! Thats what makes me feel i'm not ready. Its like I tell myself that nobody will want to hire me because of my anxiety and depression. I'm reason that i'm not good enough. As well as the what-ifs like what-if i get a job and for some reason I have to leave in the middle of the shift or have to book a day off or tell them i'm not coming in and they don't accept what i have to say.

Practice sessions could definately help and so would changing my perception on it. I am overwhelming myself by making the search and interviews too important. Also we were talking about saying the "right" thing when you're talking on the phone with that sister and how you can get overwhelmed. I am constantly pressuring myself to say the "right" thing in any social situation so just imagine thinking that will all your social situations. It creates so much pressure and tension. It is so not worth it.

Thank you but actually these are the affirmations in lesson 10 of my workbook for the program. Likely to be diffrent from yours. What are yours?



Sataurday

Lately I don't feel like i'm getting anywhere. Its like I'm just sitting here and going through the same cycle over and over again and part of this is true. I want more! I want a job, and some more money and I want to by necessities. I deserve that!

I have realized something pretty big, I fall under the personalization cognitive distortion alot! I take responsibility of the negative feelings for many people. I watch movies and I feel guilty for those people, I feel guilty for saying no, I feel guilty for rejecting people and for so many other things. This stems back to grade 7 when I felt guilt for the first time. I was put on a guilt trip and it has created more and more guilt in my life. I'm going to do some more vertical arrow and feared fantasy techniques in order to face this.

I have also realized that I need the approval and love of others in order to feel worthy. I think this is what stops me from looking for a job and doing interviews. I am feeling bad about my anxiety and depression, it makes me less effective and productive and I feel that nobody is going to want to hire me because of it. I know I can overcome this but I'm afraid of letting it go. Because of the way I grew up I have had to search for the love and acceptance that I did not get from my family. I feel that if I give up this then I won't feel love and acceptance. What do you guys think?

I'm working on one affirmation script in order to deal with the problem of emotions for myself. I run away from them, I let them control my life and I let them stop me from doing many things. So I'm making one with many affirmations about handling them and I will share that with you when I'm finished.

I was thinking more about my sister and I think sometime soon I'm going to write her a letter. I will tell her that I don't understand what she means about me being cruel and give her the gift of listening to her side of the story without me being judgemental. Also I will tell her that I cannot feel guilty if I don't know what it is to feel guilty about. I also want to inform her that this will be my last attempt to working through this issue with her. If I have to then I will let her go and I will move on and if she wants to continue to be angry at me for the rest of her life well then so be it but i'm not going to let it affect me anymore. I will also let her know that it made me feel really bad everytime she told me how what i was doing was stupid and how I was stupid as well. I'll give her my number and she can call so we can deal with this but it has to be in person.

I was hoping that maybe we could share some of our obsessive thoughts and maybe come up with some humorus replacement thoughts. What do you guys think?

Oh and lastly, I have also realized that lately I actually am starting to listen to the lyrics of songs. I haven't done that in years or ever really! But this last little while I have been realizing it. I think the Firework song that I posted the video of was one of the first ones that I really listened to what was being said. Now I am going back and checking out old songs and they make more sense to me and I enjoy them more! Thats a pretty good sign that i'm un-numbing myself!

Mike

Mike,
Oh good on asking questions and not having it bother you. I do not know that about you, and I do not want to assume.

Well for me, I too feel that I need the approval from others, I do feel I'm not quite as needy as I used to be. I have listened to my inner voice more that tells me I'm okay, what I have to say IS important. I have a different world that I live in ( not main stream) and not everyone will be interested nor supportive, and that is ok. Its not for everyone. I can't feel lesser for it or not as important either. So I have a choice to be contented in my world or change it. I choose to be contented. ( most of the time and I'm working on changing the things I want to change.)
We each have different strengths and weakness and need to look for jobs or situations that suit us. People who will work with us on our weak areas and allow us to use our strengths to help ( Job or what ever)
The type of job is what I would be most consumed with for now. I do understand how you feel with the wanting to say the right things. Lets work on it more to change our perspective.

I got my book out, and they are the same, only under thought replacement.
OOOps! I told you they were good! LOL...

YES, you do deserve that!!! Listen to your inner voice.

I like your idea of writing your sister. Use I messages. You deserve to hear her reason for calling you cruel. Be careful not to show the need of her approval. You do not want to feel guilty! you want to feel comfortable in her presents and start a new relationship from this day forward, what can she do or say that you need to hear from her? I don't think I would inform her about your last effort to clear this up. ( thats just me) Remember time is on our side. Time heal ALL wounds!

I like the replacement thoughts with humor. I'll try it.

I'll check out your song, I love music and your write when you listen to the words it changes lots of things!
Geez this was long! Sorry!!!!

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THH

Thats ok, you are entitled to make mistakes you know!

I'm still having a hard time because I had no approval growing up and was never taught how to give that to myself. We need to teach these things to ourselves. If people don't like us for how we live (mainstream or not) we definately could accept and be content or change. If we constantly change for other people then who are we really living for? Which by the way is the next video which I am dedicating to this situation; Who am I living for by Katy Perry

I did chuckle when I read that you thought they were mine. It was a mistake and it was funny! If you hadn't made the mistake I wouldn't have laughed and so mistakes are good.

Which is it that I deserve again?

It might come off that i'm looking for her approval by the way I have worded it. I don't believe she has ever had anybody really listen to her side of the story or her pain before. I will give her this gift and maybe it would be enough to overcome this issue. If I was coming from a desparate place and saying this in order to get her to like me then yes I could be setting myself up for guilt. I don't feel like I want her in my life, I have realized that most of the time I interacted with her I felt bad about myself afterwards and is it really worth fighting for that again? I want to feel however that I have done the best I could in order to give her the opportunity to work through the issue at hand and this will help me to let it (and the thought of having her in my life) go. Ya i'm not sure if I'd want to put the last line in there but she needs to know how I felt and she needs to know that she is hurting other people or she will continue to do it. She already does it to my cousin and my uncle's girlfriend and they hate it and can't stand her!

Did you check our the first thing I wrote in this thread? That is an example!

Honestly I never listened to lyrics before, I didn't understand the words when I heard songs I just listened to the rhythm and how it sounded but now I can listen to the words.

Nah that isn't too long!



Monday

So I'm getting really annoyed with my life right now! It seems like the same thing day after day and I want to get a job, I want to make money and I want to buy stuff for myself. I have never really had extra money on a consistent basis in which to spend on things that I wanted for myself. I hate struggling through life like this, its crap! This is part of what Tony Robbins talks about with getting leverage, I think i'm going to use this!

I've started to listen to the Tony Robbins cds from the Get the Edge program and his voice alone is very motivating its crazy!! There is so much from what he says that I want to share and I will be posting some stuff soon!

I've started back up with the relaxation cd and the thought replacement. Its going better than before and from what marble1 said about doing more then one session in a row is pretty awesome. I have done a couple sessions in a row and it definately helps out alot more. I've only done 2 in a row but I can see the effects, I feel more calm and centered after the 2nd one and a little more positive, its great!


Mike

Ok so I've noticed our group has be falling on motivation these days, myself included. So as a way to increase this motivation I have decided to post some stuff from Tony Robbins that I found created hope and gave motivation!

Some words from Tony Robbins's Get the Edge program

If you got faith and the ability to take action you have the ability to change anything in your life. I don't know where you are right now. I don't know if your at the most challenging time of your life or the victory period but where you are it can change with consistent focus and consistent action.

Its the nature of the human being that whatever we focus on we get more of them. If we tend to focus on problems you get more of them. If you focus on making something better and you act on that focus, things get better.

I really believe in life that people are stressed simply because they are focusing on thing and giving enourmous energy on things that don't matter as much...6 months later you might not remember it or even an hour later.

Anything anybody else has made happen you have the same resources, you have the same nervous system. Some of us are bigger or stronger some of us have a stronger background in something or more education, those limits are not our real limits, the limits are those of our psychology. Our mindset, our beliefs and the feelings we have about them. If you believe this is it, this is the best life's going to get your right! And if you believe I don't care how bad its been, I don't care how many times I've tried this and it hasn't worked this is going to do it and I'm going to take action everyday until I find a way, you will. And all you have to do is look around in life and see the examples of that everywhere. Its not people's background that makes them successful its their psychology their mindset, its do they have a way of consistently focusing on something obsessing about something thats so important to them and are they willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen vs talk about it.

Everybody has a story of why they can't have what they want...The only thing that ever stops us from getting what we really want is the story we have of why we can't have it.

A measure of your self-esteem comes down to one simple thing. Do you control events or do they control you?

If there is anything missing in our lives it's time with ourselves thinking about not problems but what we're greatful for, thinking about what we want, creating a plan to make it happen, creating the juice in our lives, stopping and taking in what is already great because you can't build on failure, only success. But if you do it once in awhile, once in awhile you'll feel pretty good. If you got a system thats what will change your life...Years ago I said I have to have my hour of power...I got to have that short time first thing in the morning to set myself up for success because rarely does an idea interupt you, rarely does beauty just suddenly surround and engulf you. You have to seek it out, you have to schedual it...Talk's cheap. When you talk about it, it's a dream when you start to envision, things get exciting when you start to plan it its possible, but when you schedual it, its real.



Mike

ROFL mike I love that monkey joke oh man thats great

Mike--I'm just getting to reading more of your postings. Thank you for putting the Affirmations here. I really appreciate it. Also, I love the Chess Game Cartoon, very funny! I still need to listen to the other links you posted. Paislee