The Challenge...Lesson 10

[THH]

Its been a ruff couple days!!! It was -10 degrees here last night. I stressed about how cold it was, how hard it makes my body feel. I had aches and pains I never knew could be!
I spent hours on the phone speaking positive energy into my sister & mother. After handing up feeling drained and being strong for them, I got all negative. I got my book out and wrote, and changed some of my thinking. My Mike moment, I pulled out of the skid and driving on a dirt road sorta slow, but going forward! ( I did not wreck!)My sister is doing better, and she is getting things where before she did not. My mom feels pain for my sister and she is older and can't understand. I think she don't know what to do so she worries. I have been struggling with not increasing my smoking. I went 3 over yesterday and back on track today. Then changing this format!

My sister worked at a job for 21 years. She was a material planner. She dealt with parts to make medical equipment for a large corp. in Ohio. She has a boss who they never got along ( he has been there 10 years ). She would do so much better by going thorough this program, but never has. She is sensitive, like most of us, and low self esteem. He was her challenge. She could not emotionally get there. They hired a new girl about 6 months ago who did not seam very qualified to do her job. Her boss liked the new girl, and stuck up for her, praised her everything he never did for her. She also was brought in for more money! (The tension was building) So my sister had some issues with fairness. ( understandably! ) She got really busy and noticed this girl just sitting there and she gave her a stack of papers to sign , initialize. She went to the boss, to ask him about it, and it was like one of the biggest boo boos ever! So he charged her with trying to get this girl fired! After 21 years no problems ever, they fired her. It seamed like the punishment did not fit the crime. She did not want to set this girl up to be fired, she wanted help and no one was jumping in. It shocked her and frustrated her as she had no voice, no write up, no chance to defend herself, it was your gone! No unemployment, ( she is going to try,) and no reference for 21 years of your life! I think she will find another job as so many people worked with her loved her, and many were dept. heads in other areas of the company. I have a feeling she will be better off in a year but its just working through it. Very draining for me.
I realized why I was turning so negative was because all MY sources of joy, calm, energy givers were shut down due to the cold. My aches and pains made me grumpy and I could see how I started to just have many negative thoughts. I took a hot bath, read my book, wrote things down, relaxed and I do feel more quiet, relaxed. I too bought a movie and plan on watching tomorrow night. Something up lifting!

With my smoking, I notice when I begin to stress I reach for it. Don't even know, just like the cupboard and my cups. I am not being rational. When I get the chance to make a decision to lite up I can choose to pass or to continue. When I get stressed I don't even think. Just react. This is new awareness for me. I guess this must be a trigger. I am working at when I start loosing my reality to have a Mike Moment and think! Do the questions, they do pull you out of it. So yey!

The best way you can influence people is by living life the best way you can and showing that your way of living is very pleasurable and causes less pain.

Thanks Mike, that really is true.

Oh and I did use your methods to work through my funk. I know I'm not great at it yet but I did come up with enough questions to keep me from being obsessed and negative.

Forever,
I'm sure you will feel some relief as the days pass by. Its hard, thats why I got more dogs. I missed the guard dog being around. I live on a 5 acre farm and I rely on my dogs to bark. People would stop in and sneak up on me, scaring me! I would be in the barn and someone would be at my house door. I also spend many hours a day alone, and what better company than man best friend! Its not for everyone, but I'm past the point where I can't not have one!

[Paisleegreen]

Hi THH--Wow, that is some story about your sister and I feel for her. Similar story happened to DH, but circumstances and time a bit different. But fired due to office politics. It was very stressful and discouraging, but because of it we have the business we have now, after some years of struggle.

I also have been listening to my sister's woes...the one that put me on to Lucinda and her CDs. This sister is behind in her rent at her trailer park, and has many complaints due to her collecting habits and lack of organization and many other things. She suffers from ADD, PSTD, and GAD. and others things we don't quite know or understand, but after being here I understand more fully her inability to get things done, go places, and make irresponsible decisions.

Anyway, I've offered to travel w/ DH to her trailer park and help her get straightened out with some manual labor to clear up debri she has collected to use for firewood or build something. She has to have her trailer's porch torn down as it isn't up to code, but probably because she has stuff in the way so it is a fire hazard.

I've been with conference via email w/ other siblings that want to help by getting control of her money so that she doesn't end up in the condition she is in now. She chooses to not pay rent and buy something else at a thrift store or an truck that doesn't run so that she can store some old clothes in it that someday she will sell on EBAY , but she can't even allow someone to come into her trailer for fear of being evicted to hook up her computer and teach her how to use it.

She has many "pipedreams" and has been this way since she was in her 20's, she is in her 60's now.

Anyway I'm getting "scared" at traveling so far away and being away from my comfort zone. I'll be with DH where we can enjoy the road trip, but I'll have to share a hotel room with him where I'll have no escape from his snoring. And I'm going through withdrawals from Remeron and I'm not sleeping well even though I take a Restoril. I'm noticing since I'm going through the "change" that everything is so different and I have body symptoms that I'm not sure is from anxiety or menopause.

I have Xanax I could take if needs be. I haven't had panic attacks yet, but do feel my body symptoms and trying not to get too worked up over. I'm doing fine while at home and going to church, and other places. But a long road trip into unfamiliar territory is frightening or causing me to worry.

My sister doesn't know that my siblings are working on getting a trustee for her. So I feel bad about things, although I'm trying to help her from being evicted, which she fears the most. But still chooses to do things instead of paying her rent.

Any suggestions or help out there from anyone? Much appreciated... Paisleee

[THH]

Paislee,
I'm so glad you guys em bettered your lives by making your own business! I think something good will happen for her too, she just has to start thinking of some things to do that she likes. I think everything is hard in January, after holidays, dark and cold.

I like the idea you have offered to help your sister by coming down and helping. It will only be for a short time, and you could try to think of how good it is going to be, it might help you not focus on being out of your comfort zone. It is very hard to remove your self emotionally, but knowing this will be a brief visit and you will be home where you feel best.
Also I could add, maybe it could be that your afraid to see how things are. Too painful. If your like me, I like to see that everyone is doing well. It pains me to see people I care for in pain, either mental, emotional, or physical. I would try to focus in the good. And sometimes it gets hard to see it. Believing that something good will happen and looking for the good is where I try to train my mind. Surprisingly many things really do turn out for the better!

It is good you have your xanax. Its ok if you need it from time to time. That could bring you comfort knowing it is in your purse. I have gone through all kind of sleep changes with menopause. Thankfully they seam to settle down. Check with your doctor if it don't settle down for you. Maybe coming off your drug might be the cause.
One day at a time!



I woke up really cold this AM, and for good reason! Our furnace was broke! Aggggg.
More practice for me! Thankfully we have wood stove for back up so we are warm. The company who put the furnace in 7 years ago, came and the tech. told me a major part was broke and it was best to replace the furnace!
I talk to a couple people and that sounded un reasonable so I called in a 2nd opinion. The 2nd didn't agree with the 1st. So now I have to wait till Wed. to continue with what can be done.
I guess it kept me from getting too involved with my sisters problems~ and I am grateful it did not break the night before as that night was 10 below. I am warm, I have a house and this is just stuff that happens.

[Paisleegreen]

Hi THH--Thanks for the reply, I haven't read anything ahead of yours. Today, of course is my first time back on the forum. It was quite the experience! My sister's place was a mess. The yard/lot and then the trailer. There was nowhere to sit down, clutter everywhere! My sister was in a bad way as well. She was nervous, anxious, distressed, worn out, it was sad.

She wasn't there when we first arrived but knew that she had walked into town to get something to eat. She only had an egg.
The yard was a shocker and then I proceeded to go into her covered porch and could hear her radio going. I knocked and then called her name and walked in. I then was shocked by what I saw and then went back outside to survey the rest of the place. It was very overwhelming and my brother warned me to expect more than I could imagine. Then my sister showed up. She then wanted to talk to me about possibly going to a motel later as a future move as she felt her eviction was in the future.

She has so much work to do to make things better, that that is a likely scenario. But the main thing was to do what the inspector wanted done to the trailer.

Anyway, upon my discovery, she had a cracked pipe that was leaking hot water. DH repaired that the next day after we surveyed what all needed to be done and looked inside her trailer. We mainly listened to her and then took her to dinner at the one and only local restaurant. It had very good food and good atmosphere and people knew her as it is a small town.

We went up the next day, DH fixed the pipe and then got her hooked up to her computer which hadn't happened for the four or five years she lived there. She has been too scared to have people come into the trailer, with good reason.
While DH fixed the pipe I took her to her Therapist office to pick up some things and I met her. We chatted a bit and then had to leave, but still taking a tour of the town and PO leaving my husband stranded when he finished fixing the pipe quickly.

We took her to eat again after fixing the computer and then I was able to send an email to my other sister to let her know she has the Internet. Since then, she has only turned on her computer once or twice. That's pretty much what we did for her as it wasn't possible to clear up the place, it was overwhelming, and she didn't want to let go of stuff. So we had the same problem others had when they tried to help.

Well, there is more to the story and that's why I haven't been here for a while. It was heartbreaking to see and watch.

But DH and I had a good time on our road trip. I did quite well at the new surroundings and it was nice to get away, even though it wasn't as exciting as going on a real vacation to a warmer climate to have some fun. All was well at home when we arrived back late Saturday night.

And for those who follow the people that find taking a shower scary, I was able to do just fine in the hotel's shower. I didn't find anything scary about the whole trip and didn't need to take any Xanax. I only have some anxiety or sadness about my sister's situation, but I was able to not let her manipulate us in doing more or giving more than we wanted.

[Paisleegreen]

THH--So sorry about your furnace! Yikes! I hope things get worked out for you. P.