The Challenge...Lesson 10

[NinjaFrodo]

Software indicates missing child likely a prostitute now

Karen L
Yes that makes alot of sense with the affirmations and believing them more now. There have been several times in the past that I did the affirmations and I think the first time I tried I don't think i fully believed in them and barely got anything out of them. When I made the affirmation scripts several months ago they had alot more of an effect but still i didn't believe in alot of them so they only helped to a certain extent. Now they are helping me out alot more and are more believable. Sometimes we have diffrent shifts in awareness that help us to believe things and use things as well as subconscious shifts as well. The most effective time would be right after answering and imagining the pain and suffering from staying where you are now and the pleasure from changing or at least from what I've found.

If it is easier, try not to think about positive and negative thinking, try thinking of it as irrational and rational thinking. Ie. I used to tell myself that I couldn't do it and now instead of telling myself I can (which rarely works), I tell myself that I have what I need inside of me to make it work (and this doesn't mean that I can make it work right now, it simply means that if i work hard enough I can do it). This has helped amazingly! It creates possibility thinking and helps me come up with ways that help me do whatever it is and it makes me look at what I am capable of doing instead of what I can't do or what I don't have. So saying I can instead of I can't might not work. If thats the case then ask yourself "What can I tell myself instead that I can believe in and that will help me?"

Yes I'll definately keep you updated, I just have to convert the files to Mp3 and then I can put them online where you can access them. Its great because it makes exercising actually feel very awesome and I feel like i'm accomplishing alot when I do it.

Yes if you can figure out the things that the obsessive thoughts are covering up, then you can start to come up with ways to overcome them and to make your life more enjoyable

I'm so very happy that you did the activity I suggested and it sounds like you learned alot from it. You see the power in your thoughts from the exercise and so do you think you would be more likely to continue using this? Would it help you to overcome your anxiety and depression? Personally since i've figured this out, I've been doing it with everything and I feel pretty good. Hip-hop feels so much better, I feel so good about myself its pretty awesome. How do you feel about yourself after you kept those positive thoughts with both the enjoyable task and not so enjoyable task? What emotions did it create?

Your welcome. Those videos and questions and such make me wanna vomit when i think of smoking. I haven't smoked in like 4-5 years and after watching that...there is no doubt that I will be able to keep that up. Did you check out that website that talks about how the lack of circulation can cause you to have gangreen and lose limbs?

Good job with handling your anxiety. It does sound like that guy is in your life for a purpose. Is it just because of your anxiety that you want to be only friends with this guy? If you had no anxiety, depression or the obsessive thoughts of your X, how would you think you might respond to this guy then? (You could use this to help you overcome the anxiety and depression more)

That X really isn't giving up eh? Its ok that you fell into the trap, it happens because you care but you are learning to change that oversensitivity part. No doubt he has issues with his son if he is a drunk. If he starts talking about your relationship after you offer advice does it really sound like he was trying to get help with that or using it to manipulate you? The way I see it is he was trying to get you to feel sorry for him and then feel guilty if you said something mean to him. Great job on the assertiveness too! I bet that'll make him think twice!

Sometimes its important to figure out things like this and sometimes its not. Sometimes its more effective to deal with the thing underneath, ie the emotions themselves. But I think only you can figure that out about this situation.

THH
Yay and good luck with quitting smoking. I'd suggest adding rewards to the accomplishments you make with quitting smoking ie. buy yourself a necklace after the first 3 days. It helps. Also keep telling yourself that "All I need to make this work is within myself". I'll have the hour of power thing up within the next couple of days to help you out.

Do you put salt on all your meals? White sugar and salt can lead to it but with the ammount of white sugar you eat, i'd say thats unlikely. It doesn't sound like the problem is systemic as it doesn't sound like it affects other areas. If you don't put much salt on your food I'd have to say I'd agree with the smoking too. Another thing you can attribute to quitting smoking.

Paisleegreen
Great accomplishment with the shower. What about the shower was causing fear?

Wierd that they'd put you on something for anorexia. Well I hope it stays that way but beware that panic attacks are still possible. Aren't Beta Blockers like really powerful meds?


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

The last couple of days have been pretty amazing! Actually since I've been telling myself that "all I need is within me now" I've felt good, even during days that were more challenging.

Like Karen L mentioned with her experience doing the suggested activity, she found that the undesireable tasks were alot easier to tolerate and not so difficult and I had that too. I also felt alot more positive with the hip-hop as well. Actually it has grown and grown and I feel probabbly 100X more positive in hip-hop than I did before and it doesn't depend on how well I do its pretty good.

So I did write down about some activities I've done and so I'll write my experiences with my questions I asked when doing them.

1)Listening to affirmations
Old response;
I would listen and think it's not working good enough because I don't feel really good with what I'm doing because I'm still affected by the old beliefs that i'm trying to change. I then feel like I'm wasting my time, feel hopeless, worthless and like a failure

New response;
I start to think possibility thoughts and I start to feel like the person I want to be. I feel like I can and am motivated more to make it happen. I feel more hopeful with my goals and dreams, I feel better about myself and listening to the affirmations. It makes me feel 60% better. There is still some doubt but it is very little maybe 10-15%. I also am enjoying beauty around me and the music of my affirmations more.

Do I feel better with my old response to the affirmations or the new one?
->New one

Which response will give me better results?
->New one because it'll motivate me and I can accept the affirmations more.

Which response will help me to overcome the anxiety and depression and why?
->The new one because it'll create motivation and confidence.

Whiche response makes me more determined and motivated?
->The 2nd one because it feels good and I like those feelings and strive more for them

Whiche response has the potential to help me achieve my goals and dreams?
->The 2nd one as it links pleasure to them and to the actions involved.

Whiche response will help me attract the quality of people I want to surround myself with?
->New one

Whiche repsonse will help me experience positive emotions at the depth I deserve?
->New one

Whiche response will help me because who I want to be?
->new one

Which response causes less fear and worry?
->new one

Whiche response is more realistic and why?
->The new one because I always have the ability to learn and grow and do anything. The feelings I need my brain can create and it has what it needs to create it and doesn't need to get it from outside me and I have the ability to come up with solutions and problem solve. Anything is possible.

2)Repetitive battles in videogame
Old response;
Hated it, felt overwhelmed, wanted to rush through it, felt irritable, stressed and frustrated during it and after as well. The mroe time I spent on it, the more stressed, irritable and overwhelming I became. It also made me feel dizzy, bewildered, tired and light headed. I was telling myself how much I hated it and that I didn't want to do it.

New response;
I focused on the benefits of what I did and felt about 40% better. It was more tolerable and I still resisted it but nowhere near how I did before. I felt more accomplished after achieving the level ups that I was striving for. I was less focused on what I had to do and more focused on seeing myself achieving my goal but still was seeing what I had to do. I didn't feel dizzy, lightheaded or bewiledered afterwards. I felt some irritability but it was mixed with feelings of success, accomplishment, determination, confidence and self-love.

Whiche response felt better?
->The empowering myself one.

Which response will give me better results?
->New one

Which response will help me overcome the anxiety and depression?
->New one

Which response makes me more determined and motivated?
->New one

Which response will help me achieve my goals and dreams?
->New one

Whiche response will help me attract the quality of people in my life that I want to surround myself with?
->new one

Whiche response will allow me to experience the positive emotions at the depth I deserve?
->New one

Which response will help me to become who I want to be?
->New one

Which response causes less worry and fear?
->New one


3)Cooking chicken, alot of it after the fridge broke.
I was telling myself I can't do it in time, I put rediculous expectations on myself and was looking at all the things I had to do. The result was a panic attack. I then stopped and looked told myself I have all I need to handle the feelings and I handled them and felt good. I felt like I made an accomplishment with handling the panicky feelings and I felt more confident in my ability to do so.

4)Hip-hop
When I was telling myself I couldn't get it, I wasn't cool enough, I looked stupid or something along those lines, I felt bad about myself, I felt like a failure, I felt worthless and looked down on. It actually made me feel panicky with something I enjoy doing and it made me look at my short-comings and feeling bad about them instead of looking at what I could do and feel good about that. It didn't make me want to do that routine in the future.

Empowering response;
I did alot better and enjoyed myself despite mistakes I made. I felt very determined, more joyful, more passionate and more outspoken, I felt more alive! I really enjoyed myself and I've done this when I was struggling and when I wasn't struggling as much and I felt good in both situations. It made me feel better about myself and all smiley. I felt these positive emotions on a deep level and it makes me want to practice these routines.

5)Working out
I usually struggle to get through the workout as I keep telling myself it is too hard, I don't want to do it, I hate it or I can't. It drains me, it causes alot of anxiety, spacy and bewildered feelings and I struggle to keep up consistency.

Empowering thoughts;
I try alot harder and it makes me focus on my goals for myself as if i've already achieved them. It is like everytime I do an exercise I get to relive this accomplishment over and over again and it makes me feel good. I still have resistance as it is still new but its easier to do and more tolerable and I'm not feeling as drained or spacy when I do it. I enjoy it more than I did before.



Mike

[THH]

Karen,
YEY!!! I love your thinking!

I do not like the feelings I encounter when I fall back into my old way of thinking......I realize now that my old way of thinking doesnt work, it makes me anxious and depressed, and it only slows down my recovery....I actually now do see that I am responsible for how I feel and react to a situation....and that I am the only one that can change this....
I may not be completely better yet, but I have learned alot so far Smiler

yes, hospice is coming 3 times a week. She can go into the house again if needed. They are wonderful people. She is eating and getting more alert and strong. She don't know what the doctors said, and I see where this is best. She don't have to over come the depression and other emotions. She is drawing off her own free will. Power of thoughts...again!

Very good too on you week on your own. See how far you come???

Also good on telling him, "no more us" & hanging up the phone.
Being confused is hard. I think when we think a certain way, ( like I love him, this is how I think he loves me, how I want to live, how I think things are ) Then you see the "real" side ( he don't think like me, want the same things, treat me like I want, cheating, lying ) I always wonder, where did I come up with how I was thinking! Could I have been so wrong? There is a betrayal to self, that I believe is where anger comes. Give your self time, your attacking many things all at once and it can wear you out! I know!!! LOL...
I also really like what Mike said-

Sometimes its important to figure out things like this and sometimes its not. Sometimes its more effective to deal with the thing underneath, ie the emotions themselves. But I think only you can figure that out about this situation.

Good stuff!

Mike,

Thank you for the good luck wishes. I'm reading my list and answering my questions. I have been smoking less. I pull 3 cigs. from a pack each day. Not a additional but just 3. I am working on it.
Another thing I think for me is I have had alot more stress in dealing with my cousin,( which I feel relieved for some reason) and family. Winter and slow business. It may be from that too. Years past I took zanax. This year I am using my skills. I will continue to watch my food, and it will be interesting to see how smoking may effect it as well. I will post my findings. I do use salt. At times I actually crave it, like chips! I think most of us girls love salt and chocolate!

I also used your- "all I need is within me now" and I get more energy. So you found a very power sentence.
I really like this

I start to think possibility thoughts and I start to feel like the person I want to be. I feel like I can and am motivated more to make it happen. I feel more hopeful with my goals and dreams, I feel better about myself and listening to the affirmations. It makes me feel 60% better. There is still some doubt but it is very little maybe 10-15%. I also am enjoying beauty around me and the music of my affirmations more.

Awesome!!!!!Responses and questions!!!! I just love all your questions. By reading them I now use my "Mike" Moments! (start with the questions)
When I feel panic I think "what is the emergency?" I love it!

[Karen L]

I can not go over, under, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. I must stay n the present moment and not give my scary thghs any value.

Just wanted to stop real quick and say hi......been trying to get to bed a bi earlier so I ge t least 7 hrs of sleep..

Mike

you are just soooo positive and uplifting lately I can almost feel your energy

I love your phrase "I tell myself that I have what I need inside of me to make it work"!! awesome!!

when I did the exercise and kept the positive thoughts while I was doing something I didnt like I felt less stressed and annoyed....it actually made the activity tolerable....also, the time went by faster....so it really did show me how much power our mind has

this new guy is not the type of person I have been physically attracted to in my past.....he is not a bad looking guy by any means, just not what I usually was attracted to......but instead of basing our relationship on looks I decided to get to know him, which is a new approach for me......and to my surprise he is a great guy!! I like him alot, but am not sure if I could have a intimate relationship with him....so I have decided to change my old behavior and see what happens....this sometimes is a struggle for me as I do hate change lol......but I figured I would start there with facing the unknown.....so here we are, we are friends, almost like best friends......and I have no idea what the future holds.....just kinda sitting back and letting nature take its course

yes, my ex was really using the situation to try to manipulate me, as he has done so many times in the past.....he said he was worried his son was on drugs, he is 15.....and I really did and still do care about his son....so that was a very hard subject for me not to respond to, especially after all the stuff I went through with my son and drugs.....so I am just trying to accept that I did call him, but that was it, no further communication......so there is no reason to beat myself up......

you are so right, sometimes I need to deal with the underlying emotions instead of trying to figure out the situation....my ex acts the way he acts and Im not going to change that.....instead I just need to look at the emotions I am feeling, accept them, try to figure some things out, and then let it go......

you did great with the activities.....you really put your affirmations into every aspect of your day.....great job!!! and its so great to hear that it really helps you
you really put a new perspective on the way I look at alot of things


THH

Im just so glad that I can finally see that I am changing, that Im not the same person I was, that I am seeing things more clearly and more positive....I know I am getting better

hospice is such a great service to have.....the hospice staff is always so understanding and compassionate....they really do help with so much....Im glad your cousin has them and Im just so thankful that she is able to be home with her family....that means so much to patients....

you are funny I so often look at my past feelings and decisions and do wonder "what the heck was I thinking?!!"......it's sooo funny that you said that we always seem to be on the same wavelength lol...
and you are so right.....I know where my anger is coming from......from the betrayal of myself....you are one smart cookie

well,,,,,I get up at 7 so I better head to bed......have a great evening everyone

[Karen L]

I almost forgot......Mike is there a new link Im just slow at getting to? lol...not that Im in any hurry, I just dont like to fall too far behind

[NinjaFrodo]

Ninja Parade
-----------------------------------------------

I'm sorry I don't think I put the link...oops! Alright here it is

The Challenge...Lesson 11

THH
Your welcome!

You may still fall back on smoking but the beating yourself up part will only make you create pain associated to quitting and you will hate it even more and likely fail. What is the reality when it comes to breaking old habits or creating new ones? What happened when you reogranized your kitchen cabinets? Were there a few times where you went back to the old habit? Did you eventually reach the new habit even after a few slips?

becareful with the salt because it can add to the acid reflux. Try adding more spices to your food instead.

Yes you have alot of stress in your life right now and its understandable to feel that stress but don't succumb to it.

Yes it was a really awesome sentence. Actually I just uploaded that hour of power thing you can check it out. Anybody else that is intrested PM me and i'll give the link.

I'm so happy they are as helpful to you as they are to me. They make such a huge diffrence. If you are stuck in a negative feeling or mind-state then questions are the way to get out of it.

Karen L
By trying to get to bed what do you mean? What are you doing to try?

Great! I want everybody to experience this positive energy!

It is pretty awesome and has made such a huge impact.

Ya its pretty amazing how our thoughts can actually create stress (which is actually apart of lesson 12 so we are ahead of the game!). From my experience, the more you do it the more tolerable things will be and the more enjoyable as well. It can turn hated tasks into fun ones actually, its pretty cool.

We never really know what the future holds and the only way to know is to experience it. Maybe you are concerned that you might not be able to handle what comes along? Maybe "All I need is within me now" might help to eliminate some of this worry? I think you are moving along in a very positive direction there Karen!

His son likely would be on drugs if he is an alcoholic. I mean if anybody is an alcoholic they are teaching their children that the way to deal with problems is through running away from them by using some kind of chemical then the child is likely going to do follow suit. Humans are like monkeys, we learn more from what we see and from example then from what we're told. And your right definately not any reason to beat yourself up, you fell back into an old pattern which happens when you change, its apart of changing and you wouldn't be human if you didn't make those slip-ups.

You got it with the emotions!

Thank you, its more of the Values that i'm incorporating into my day. It does create a satisfying affect. Why not try figuring out your values, change them around and the beliefs? By the way, i'm still not finished with my beliefs and am actually spanning this over many months time!

And your mistaken, you were the one who found this new perspective, all I did was ask you questions in order to help you figure it out.

And sorry for the link thing, I will extend the lesson a bit longer. I think I might actually want to go through the lessons again after we finish...of course with a few weeks off in between. I think with this new understanding of questions and motivation I think we might all be able to do alot better with the program.


MIke

[THH]

Mike,
Thank you for reminding me about the cabinet story. You know when I get really distracted I will STILL go to the old place I kept the cups. And how long has that been? Good point. I am working on it... And feel I must, just like all the years I dealt with panic and anxiety. I got sick of being sick of it! LOL... I'm getting that way with smoking as well. I will post my progress.

I had a stressful day today.( did not smoke extra kept on track...) All phone work, but my sister who had worked at the same place for 21 years called me in tears and she was fired from her job. I felt so bad for her, I know how much her job means to her,and her husband had lost his job over 1 year ago due to company closing their doors. She made a stupid mistake but it was a mistake, and you would think after 21 years there would be some slack but it seams in this work climate that is not true.

I felt like being sympathetic, & positive for her, pointing out many things that could happen. Or how her life may change for the better.Not now of coarse but weeks to come. I hope after she has a chance to digest so many things that she will feel like looking at this direction as well.
What was odd for me, was my reaction. Even though I was sad for her I also know she has been unhappy for many years at her job, I thought about the open door, good things many times follow.
My mom on the other hand, went with her into a anger rage. It was strange for me. I see my vision more positive. My mother said I'm glad to hear you so positive, and I hope it happens that way, but I know what this is going to do to her but it won't be good. She is encouraging her to get a lawyer, on and on... Now I really can see how I have changed.
Don't get me wrong it is very terrible and could be life changing, I also have seen other people get a new better job, and be happy and better off than if they stayed in a bad place. Time will work it out. I can be supportive, understanding, offer my help. I do not have to fix this and make it all better... Whew!

This brings up beliefs again Mike, Somewhere we learn that we are to grow up get good jobs, get married ( or what ever) buy house, cars, beee happy ever after! When things like LIFE pop up out of place we think Oh whats wrong. This can't happen. It seams to me now, it is such a journey and all these bobbles are our lives. Who lives that perfect life? What does it look like? Why do we think bad things should never happen? *****Mike Moment**** See what influence you are having on me???

Anyhow I'm ok. I'm going to do some relaxation and quieting my mind some tonight.



Karen,

OK here is something really funny. You will remember these guys, Mike? But watch it and enjoy! We need humor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4qDZ4B1kww

[Paisleegreen]

Karen L--Thanks for your comments. I'm pretty sure I have my hobbies as a distraction and the nursery was a way to make my own money, because I don't have control of our business, my husband started it, I supported him, and my Dad financed it. Long story...

I really don't have control of what goes on and I wanted to earn my own money so that I can buy what I want that my paycheck doesn't cover. I mainly wanted the extra money to pay for house and yard projects that just aren't getting done. Such as sidewalks, cement driveways, fencing, garage doors, sprinklers, things like that aren't a priority with DH.

He doesn't notice the yard or details like that. He is focused on our business and keeping it running. So to keep myself occupied, I do a lot of the yard work, planted all the trees, bushes, plants, and worked at making stepping stones to use as pathways. I keep the weeds away and dirt out of the house. We just have an old house that needs a lot of upkeep.

I enjoy doing all of that and I was not discouraged in any way when I bought the nursery. It kept me busy and happy, I guess, and I got a super deal on it. I had already got a mister and learned how to propagate plants which is my passion. Growing things are my passion! Being creative makes me happy.
So I can think of so many things to do that I have talents for and have the time. Part of my yard work and hobbies do keep me from the loneliness I feel as my children grow up and on their own, and my husband being gone a lot or busy. It would be nice if he enjoyed growing plants or was more interested in laying pavers or things like that. :p

His hobby is his business and it is very masculine and takes a lot of energy and mental work. So it is all consuming to him. When he receives Cudos from his customers or money for services rendered, it is very rewarding and builds up his self esteem, our children and family are proud of him.
He's playing the real game that people play with Xbox and after we have some failures in the past, it is very rewarding to finally be successful. Because he isn't the kind to go to college and get an Engineering Degree or something like that. Its been a long road.

Right now I'm not doing any of my hobbies. I'm just taking each day, by getting up and working through the changes my body is doing. I'm not use to anxiety symptoms and it is quite bothersome to me. I just work at being happy and ignore the symptoms I feel. THH said that part of it is going through menopause, so that has helped me to be Patient. Ugh.

I just have never had these anxious feelings before, so it is a struggle. But I'm doing so much better! Yippee! Thanks to you guys!

I'm glad you have a new friend that helps you out in your struggles and is very understanding. Good job with the EX!

I still have a lot of work to do on assertiveness and positive thinking. I have a lot of dejunking to do, which is hard. I admit I have too many projects to feel the void, and I would like a clean slate, sort of. There is a lot of stuff that just needs to be gotten rid of that I hung onto. And I have goals that need to be reexamined, so that is why I feel a bit paralyzed, but moving ever so slowly.

[Paisleegreen]

THH-I'm sorry to hear about your sister, but very proud of you and your reactions to it. You are doing great and I enjoyed all your comments to Mike about what we thought life should be and how frustrating to find out that it isn't what we hoped it would be when we were young and dumb.

Good Job on your control of not smoking extra cigs!

Mike--The shower...in the earlier posts on Lesson 2 or 3, I think, people commented on their fears, and some people talked about using the shower. SilverLining and some others. I added my opinion because ever since I weaned off the Beta Blockers and had some heightened anxiety, the new shower DH put in gives me the creeps! My legs felt weak and the mist from it scares me and I'm afraid of falling or passing out, just don't feel "well" or "safe", I don't even feel safe taking a bath.
I take my cell phone in and I don't lock the door, because I want to be found if anything happened to me.

It probably is a combination of my anxiety level and sadness. I'm not happy with the tile job DH did, and my Dr explained it as part of GAD. That things are bothering me, and I see all the bad things of this tile job. It is probably my scary thoughts about the future and past that is affecting me. Does this make sense?

Yes, Beta Blockers are strong medicine and was very hard to withdraw from. DH was very helpful in comforting and encouraging me while I struggled with the withdrawal symptoms. Not fun at all, but feel so much better to be off of them. Paislee

[NinjaFrodo]

THH
Your welcome, that cupboard thing was a very good example and yes even still you go back to the old habit but you spend more time with the new one. It can happen that way with any habit. Oh you are getting sick of being sick of smoking too?

Definately post your progress because it can be very inspiring for other people who are also trying to work through their smoking issues.

Wow what kind of mistake would cause someone to get fired after 21 years? What did she do for a living? I can definately see how that would make you stressed but great work for not smoking more. By the way did you check out the information I posted on lesson 11 about Rhodiola, that could come in very handy for you right now.

Responding the way you did with your sister's situation is a very good sign of optimism. You could be looking at the negative parts of this situation but you aren't, you are doing that possibility thinking and yes this might be a really great situation thats in disguise. She has the ability to look for something diffrent and that she likes. It could potentially give her what she needs to restructure her life if you think of it. I can imagine how it to be very painful and pain is very very motivating!

Yeah don't feel obliged to fix things for people because you really can't and good that you realize it! The best way you can influence people is by living life the best way you can and showing that your way of living is very pleasurable and causes less pain. Your mother is already starting to notice changes and i'm sure your sister will as well and may start to slowly start to change themselves. See Humans are like monkeys, they learn far greater from what they see, not what they learn. It creates certainty and people seek after and listen to certainty as well as confidence and you are becoming very certain and confident with your skills and the new way of life.

Yeah the media grown fairy tale ending but we've learned through the program that this is not the case. We go through many stressful practice opportunities and we grow which helps us to improve our lives even more and to deepen the level of positivity and satisfaction. Awesome I have brainwashed you into using questions...hahah my minion Thats pretty awesome and keep in mind if you don't know what questions to ask yourself then ask yourself what questions can I ask that will help me figure this out? Or that'll help me to break from this bad mood?

Paisleegreen

That sounds like it is quite a burden to have that fear. What about the mist scares you, is it because it might make you fall? As for the passing out, its actually physically impossible to pass out when having anxiety attacks because blood is circulating so fast to many diffrent parts of the body which keeps them active. Check it out on google! Falling might be a problem but what could you do to not worry about it?

Well the scary thoughts can definately be affecting you but it doesn't sound like the primary issue at hand, it is more of a cover-up. What is underneath this issue? Could lack of assertiveness be one of the problems?

Well thats good you aren't on them then and that your Hubbie helped. Do you feel more clear minded and able to work with the skills in the program more now?

Mike