The Challenge...Lesson 10

Are obsessive scary thoughts ruling your life? Do these thoughts seem beyond your control? Here’s how you can quickly address them and begin to feel better.
Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Post by Paisleegreen » Sun Jan 16, 2011 3:23 pm

THH--Thank you, I agree, it would be nice to have the walk in jetted tub now! Especially since muscles get sore easier these days and I want to keep enjoying my gardening and outdoor life. This way I wouldn't have to go to the health club and put on a swimsuit and sit in a chlorinated hot pool. DH would enjoy too... and anyone visiting. That's why I just don't feel like settling.

As for the Suicide Group, there are always newcomers. But we go to help comfort those that grieve and also help ourselves by being with understanding people. There's always a first person to experience it and then others follow.

I have quite a bit in common with DH, we have the same values and belief system, just different temperaments and upbringing. He is close to the oldest in his family and I'm at the tail end. I have a college degree and he has worked for his family's business and wanted to start his own or buy one.

We are both practical and disciplined in some areas, but due to our genetic make up and upbringing, we have different skills and talents. He is an introvert and I'm an extrovert, sometimes these qualities mesh and other times they can cause friction.

Mike--If my husband were to die--I would be taken care of by Life Insurance and possibly a stipend or something like that from our business. I've talked to DH about it, and I personally don't think the monthly salary is enough. Since things cost more these days.

Otherwise, I do have my BS degree, and right now my volunteering activities uses skills I could get a job with if I needed too. But my real love would be to do as I had planned last spring and that was to grow starter plants to sell. I still have a hoop house and thousands of pots, etc. It has been my family (sons and DH) that are discouraging me from pursuing this endeavor. Partly because I need their help to set up the hoop house and get water to it and DS (eldest) has to move his truck beds, parts and pieces that are littered in my backyard taking up the space for my hoop house.

My son that lives at home will eventually leave because he is almost 20, but he is finishing college right now and works for us. All my children live close by.

I definitely want to create within myself things I need that will support me in difficult conditions.

I'm doing that now by being on here, my volunteer work, working on a support system of friends locally, staying in contact with my family of origin, keeping active in my faith.

Now things to work on is decluttering my bedroom & computer desk as a beginning.

Go to the health club to get strong by swimming, using the treadmill and weight training.
Take classes there to build up social contacts.

I definitely want a brighter future. I also know that I get overwhelmed if I think of too many things to do at one time.

I did begin weaning off my 15mgs of Remeron, tonight will be my 2nd night without it. So I'm focusing on the withdrawal hour by hour for right now. Making sure I eat properly, meaning protein meals and very little sugar and salt. I could tell a difference when I had a small ice cream cone, but suspecting a change in my body system when I ate it.

Thanks--- Paislee :)

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Jan 17, 2011 5:49 pm

All Prize Cereal!


THH
Yeah i definately did not hold back eh? Ya we do need people to be blunt with us at times especially when we are addicted to things. The addiction wants to continue living within us and so its not going to want to feel that kind of pain. You may not even want to ask yourself or figure out questions that might create the pain of withdraw. Is this a possiblity?

Well thank you. It was because of this program and school really. It was a little while ago but I had slowly reduced how much I smoked and then I just used the skills in the program and constantly focused on my purpose. As for the questions and all the stuff I gave you, I guarantee it works because now when someone on the street asks if I have a smoke, I want to throw up all over them. I'm sure it'll subside but I'm still very grossed out from smoking and If I had any doubt with staying quit (which i don't), I definately do not have any doubts now.

Well the acid reflex would depend on more questions.
What kinds of foods do you consume?
Do you eat alot of spicy foods?
How often do you add salt to your foods?
What do you drink?
Is your urine dark or light or clear?
Do you eat fruit? How often?
Do you eat raw vegetables? How often?


Paisleegreen

Well thats good that financially you will be taken care of but I mean emotionally.

That is a great dream to have, I hope you figure out how to make it a reality. I think it could make you very happy by the sounds of it.

Does what your doing now help you to solve the big problems you are facing in life right now? I don't mean the bathroom and such but the issues with assertiveness and getting respect from your husband. All those things you are doing now sound really wonderful by the way.

The health club is a wonderful idea. I have met some really amazing people at the classes, they are some of the most positive people I've met in person. I guess its those endorphines! I'd suggest yoga, its really awesome for meeting people.

Ya we all get overwhelmed when we think too many things. Thats why we only handle certain things at a time and break bigger goals into smaller ones.

Why are you weaning yourself off the meds?


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:42 am

I can not go over, under, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. I must stay in the present moment and not give scary thoughts any value.

Mike

everything you said makes perfect sense :)
I still have a hard time being a positive thinker, but so easily fall back into the negative thinking...I know this is a learned bad habit.....I guess I do need to do more positive self affirmations, that may really help....actually, now would probably be a great time to start because I think I would actually believe them more......I think I had to get to this part of the program to understand and see what my way of thinking is doing to me.....now I will actually believe the positives.....does that make any sense?? lol

the hour of power sounds very interesting and sounds like something I would really benefit from...so please do keep me updated :)

for me, most of my negative thoughts are irrational or based on things from my past....that is why I said that.....I know that not all scary thoughts are irrational and I do understand what you are saying and how important it is rationally work though it

and yes, I brain cant help but believe what we are telling it.....we have to tell it positives and believe in ourselves....only then will our brain begin to believe it :)

I have done your activity...when I am doing something I enjoy it is so wasy to have positive thoughts and enjoy it, but when I change my thoughts to negative it becomes less enjoyable and at times I dont even want to continue the activity.....and when I am doing something I dont enjoy it becomes so much easier when I have positive thoughts...it also goes by alot quicker and doesnt seem to be such a chore....very good exercise!! it shows just how simple thoughts can change our whole outlook and outcome of our present task...

I also smoke and need to quit.....your statements were very bold and were the honest truth....which is somethig we need to see....also the videos are very good at putting smoking and its effects right out there, no sugar coating.....thanks for taking the time to share these :)

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:52 am

I can not go over, under, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. I must stay in the present moment and not give scary thoughts any value.

Paislee

I also agree with the jetted tub.....not only will it be a great benefit to you and your husband, but it will increase the value of your house....I also believe you and your husband will both be really glad you chose that a few months down the line.......just seems the benefits really outway a shower :)

how many children do you have?? grandchildren?? just was curious :)

and as far as your desire and dreams.....please dont let anyone stop you....it doesnt seem like to much to ask your husband and son to just help with the start-up process....it will make you happy and feel worthwhile so I say go for it!! let them know that this is something you really want and it would mean alot to you if they supported you....just dont let anyone discourage your dreams.....if all else fails, just start setting everything up yourself....maybe then they will see how much it means to you and will pitch in :)

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Tue Jan 18, 2011 2:09 am

I cant go over, under, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. I must stay in the present moment and not give scary thoughts any value.

THH

thanks so much for the positive encouragement!! its sometimes so hard for me to see my own accomplishments...

things really seem to be hitting home with you....you seem to really be catching on.....I really notice a difference in you, just like with Mike....you're doing a great job and are really growing as a person :)

I have actually noticed quite a few times when I stop using the skills the bad ways of thinking and old behaviors quickly and quietly creep right back up on me....in the past this has really been a hard blow to my self esteem and just made me more anxious and depressed.....I think that I am finally seeing that recovering is a process, I didnt get this way over night and Im sure not going to get better in a few weeks....that this is something I have to continue to work on daily until it becomes a part of me.....and even then, I have to remember that I may have bad moments and that I just have to work through them with my skills....

the new friend I have is so positive and really uplifts me as a person.....at first it scared me, it still does sometimes lol.....but I am beginning to believe his compliments, and I feel so much better as a person when I am around him :) it is so true about the need to surround oursleves with positive people :)
also, its so good for me to see that there are actually good people out there.....I am really blessed that he came into my life :)

how are you and how is your cousin??

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Tue Jan 18, 2011 4:54 am

Karen,
Your welcome! It is hard to see my own accomplishments too, what seams to come next is feeling better. Relaxing better, realizing how powerful thoughts really are. You are starting to feel it too. When you stopped using the skills it can allow our thinking to go back. I think for me I have been diligent in keeping my self in check. Your so right about it being a process. What is strange for me, is it is many many years of developing all these ways I react, many I have been taught by all people who we have surrounded myself with, inc. family. They don't even know what they are projecting at me.
I don't think people set out to make anyone feel a certain way, (mostly) Rather I have been dormant in my life. Just going with the flow, more existing rather than having my own thoughts and feelings about my own life. So I am growing and placing more value, and noticing I make choices.
It also sounds like your are too!

I think its nice you have this new person in your life! :)


My cousin is home, and not really any changes. She can be near her kids and her mom & dad who love her dearly. I would not say she is real close to the end. So hey, everyday is a gift, right?


Mike,
Yes it is probably most certain that I do not want to deal with the pain of withdraw. Finding new things to do, advancing in my life. Me and my little friend (my cigs) can withdraw and be left alone! My little rebel in me was fighting for the wrong cause. I have to set my mind with my new found perception and get solid. I am working on it. trying hard to cut down and be very happy with myself that I have the awareness now. I will build on that.
You still get big hurrah's from me! YEY!!!!


On my acid reflex, I do not eat much spicy food. Like spaghetti sauce, pizza maybe once a month. Mexican, only mild maybe once a month. I have been a bland eater forever. Salt, yes I salt things. I don't eat much deep fried, mostly baked. I also stay away from citrus stuff. I think that is why my doctor says its the smokes. Plus I have no gall bladder.
My pee is clear / light. Fruit daily ,cantaloupe, apple,or banana. Veg. daily, beans, peas, carrots. ( Not raw) I eat lots of pasta, rice, not much meat. Only pork or chicken. maybe 1-2 times a week. I mostly drink water, maybe a 1 can ginger ale a day. No caffeine. ( except what is in chocolate ) I eat candy everyday but just a small amount, like a 1/2 candy bar.

Paislee,
I too encourage you to not give up on your dream. It is hard being older and not being as physical to be able to put up hot houses ect... But find some young help, out side the family. Pay them to help you! get you started. Maybe your family will take some interest once things get going and might want to be a part of your new operation! I like it! You could do this you know??? ;)

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Tue Jan 18, 2011 8:09 am

I can not go over, under, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. I must stay in the present moment and not give scary thoughts any value.

THH

I definitely am going to try to keep myself in check and keep up with the skills I have learned because I do not like the feelings I encounter when I fall back into my old way of thinking......I realize now that my old way of thinking doesnt work, it makes me anxious and depressed, and it only slows down my recovery....I actually now do see that I am responsible for how I feel and react to a situation....and that I am the only one that can change this....
I may not be completely better yet, but I have learned alot so far :)

that is great that your cousin is at home and gets to be around her family....is hospice still involved with the home care??

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Post by Paisleegreen » Tue Jan 18, 2011 11:48 am

Hi All--Thanks for the Cudos given me for pursuing my nursery business. I've pretty much put it on the back burner right now as I work through this anxiety. I've had issues with the family that I was a "hoarder". Now I've had two Psychologists and one Psychiatrist that doesn't see me as hoarder and to not even go there. Just because I've had a great reaction to as I see it, blatant disregard for my feelings by family members, they think by watching cable's hoarding shows that I have a problem. :roll:

So right now all I can work on is overcoming my anxiety and frustration with my family members.

Karen--I have 5 children, 4 sons and 1 daughter. Two Grandchildren from the 1st born, a girl and boy. I lost my 4th child, a son, to suicide when he was 15. So my productivity went to zero when that happened and I lost my parents a year later after they suffered from illnesses. I planned all three loved ones funerals.

I then continued being active in my hobbies which involve many creative activities to keep me busy, that I agree at times it might look "obsessive" to some people that don't have the time nor the resources.

I was pretty lonely w/ DH working all the time and my sons were busy in their school work or obsessions themselves. Involving the internet, computer games or technology in general. My DD was always in her own world trying to find her true love, and keeps getting her heart broken.

She tries to stay thin and look good, which she already does, but she obsesses over it and because of her troubles, we react to each other.
Anyway, a little family history to explain where I'm coming from. :D

Mike--I have plans for the health club activity, but have yet to get over there. But I will get there. I did have a great day yesterday as the weather here was great, very warm and sunny. I was able to exercise doing yard work and spending time with my Granddaughter picking up the yard.

Also, I'm not sure I reported that I actually took a shower yesterday. I haven't done that since July, I've only taken a bath as I was fearful of taking a shower. :)

I am weaning off the Remeron because I don't need it. I feel better each day that I'm off of it. It is meant for people with anorexia, and I don't have that. It makes me tired, and I was only put on it because I was afraid of Panic Attacks. I haven't had a panic attack since July, so I weaned myself off of Beta Blockers earlier and Remeron, and so far I haven't had a Panic Attack.

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Tue Jan 18, 2011 2:43 pm

I can not go over, under, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. I must stay in the present moment and not give scary thoughts any value.

Paislee

thanks for sharing your family dynamics with me.....it definitely helps in understanding a person :)
Im really sorry to hear about your son and parents...I cant even imagine what you went through...
did you ever think maybe the hobbies were just a distraction from dealing with things that you didnt want to deal with? are you still involved with these hobbies? Im not being judgemental by any means, just wondered by the way you added it to your post...
I still really like the nursery idea so please dont put it too far on the back burner.....I just think it could bring you alot of self-worth and a sense of achievement....I also think being with nature helps the soul :)
it might also let your family know that you are not going to stand back and let them disregard you anymore....
again, just my opinion :)

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:06 pm

I can not go over, under, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. I must stay in the present moment and not give scary thoughts any value

well....I made it through last week with my counselor and parents out of town lol :)

Im doing pretty good.....Frank, my new friend knows all about my anxiety and is great....sometimes he is a bit harsh in his words when helping me to see reality, but it is good...it is what I need....I need to hear the truth and not have it sugar coated...one time he sent me into a panic and I had to run to the bathroom lol.....but I calmed myself down quickly and realized what I was doing and that there was no danger...and was able to return to the conversation we were having......that was about 2 weeks ago.....I really believe that he was brought into my life for some reason....
I do feel bad at times because he has told me he likes me...but I have made it perfectly clear we are friends, and he is fine with that......he really is a great guy and really lifts my self-esteem :) so Im not counting out that something could eventually develop between us.....but for right now he is my best friend..we talk daily and get together a few days a week....

Steve, the drunk ex showed up at the store while I was shopping on Sunday evening....he was crying and said he needed to talk...and then just left...I did fall into the trap of calling him (he had some issues with his 15yo son)....while I was on the phone with him I offered some advice.......then he started talking about us.....I told him that there is no more us....he began his angry routine of bad mouthing me....I told him I will no longer be called names and not to bother me anymore.....then I hung up the phone

Im a bit confused by myself.....I know I can not and will not be back in any type of relationship with him...I wont even be his friend because he is just bad for my well being.....and I think I finally realize that I am too good for him and deserve better.....but I should not have called him.....part of me wants to believe it was just out of concern, but part of me knows I just wanted to kinda bask in his misery since he hurt me so bad.....I dont know......I still am trying to figure out some things about myself....to understand why I do things so that I can work on being a healthy happy person....

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