New to Forum not to anxiet(scary thoughts)

Palante · Post by **Palante** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:31 pm

Hello Everyone
Its a bit hard to finally put into the words what I have been through. After reading all of the topics regarding obsessive thoughts, I know that I'm not alone. I'm 29 year old male successful professional. but I have been suffering with some sort of anxiety all my life. I could remember as a child obsessing that I was going to become a drug user ( I saw myself doung drugs) then it became that I was going to catch AIDS. Then I worried that I was Gay and I obsessed over it-it scared me. I worried about it all- if I was going to die a horrible disease-you name the disease I probably worried about it. This all happen during my middle and high school years.
I thank God That I had my parents to support me and helped me realize that I wasn't crazy.
The thought came and went, but what grounded me was about 5 years ago I started to think that I was going to hurt my then girlfriend(now wife), and then escalated to hurting my family, my pets hurting strangers. What ever I saw on TV I thought and obsessed that I was going to do. It freightened me- I thought I was going crazy. What if I start hearing voice, what if I loose control , what if I hurt others, what if, what if ,what if.... It scared me.
Over the past 5 years it has been extremely intense 3 times. Right now because of stressful events which has occured in my life recently, I have fallen into the obsessive cycle again. It dose not help that I'm still a negative thinker (which I 'm working on via positive self talk)But I know things will get better.
I'm writing to let others know that you are not alone. I've been through it all and I'm still here. I have never hurt anyone, as a matter of fact I have never been in a fight.
lets all stay positive, if you need someone to listen just respond.
I'm also starting the program- week 2 -Never to late to change a bad habit.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:16 pm

What if, what if, what if, I have done the same thing with different topics. I completed the program in 2004 and it was a God send. I know that God brought this program into my life.

I recently hit a "growth spurt" due to a lot of stress. I am trying to remain positive, because I know things will get better and they will for you too.

Good luck.

QueenEsther · Post by **QueenEsther** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:29 am

hey friend,I havent done the program but i went to see a doctor foe my worried thinking its normal and natural i own a business and i always stress about money and health ,family friends,but know i worrie about things like hurting myself or someone,i accually imagine it in my head but i know i would never do it,its funny you said worry about aids being gay,lol i used to worry about that to,i know this sounds gross but i remember in elementry school some kid spit and some got in my mouth i wanted to kill him! i was so scared that i had aids,so i guess smart minds think alike,we worry to much thats all.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 5:30 am

Palante,

A very interesting and even healing fact is that we are born this way. We didn't create it ourselves. This knowledge alone gives us permission to be very gentle with ourselves. Very kind. Very soothing and loving to ourselves. Being born this way does not in anyway imply that there is nothing you can do about it. There is. Learning to NOT react any longer to our thoughts and visions is our course of action. How do we get there? Practice, practice, practice and writing down every single victory - no matter how small. Practice underreacting. Make a game of it. Allow the thoughts to come and go just like a floating cloud. Realize that the ego-thinking mind always, always lies. And, exposure therapy. Putting yourself in situations that create anxiety and using the tools that you have learned to guide you through an attack. Repeatedly. Over and over until there is no more reaction. You will soon realize that your mind is filling you with a lot of junk that you don't need. This all takes time. Be patient with yourself and your progress.

Your ego thinking mind will get bored and leave because you are no longer resisting the thoughts and fears that come in. You just allow them to pass through, and if during a stressful time in your life that they do occur in your head, you have the tools to quickly dismiss them. Once you heal you can never go back to the way you were, and you won't even worry about that occurring.

My best to you.