terrified
I can't find a reason to keep suffering this way. If I can't enjoy anything on this planet than why should I stay here. I know these lows don't last forever, but I've spent the last week in bed and can't get this obsession out of my head. I've been sick with something in my lungs and the time down has drug me into one of the deepest ruts I've ever been in. Self medicating isn't working and my self talk just drags me further down. I can't go back into a state hospital. They have nothing to offer me and presented me with one of the most awful weeks of my life. Sure I have suicidal ideation, but I don't see how anyone facing this doesn't. If they are truly honest with themselves. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Awful doesn't even come close to explaining how I feel. I have no passions in my life and just surviving for the next forty years just makes me sick. I don't want to put my family through all the worry again. It's just one thing after another that makes me feel even more hopeless. I'm so screwed up in the head and find it impossible to accept a life like this. What's the point?
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Carolyn Dickman
- Posts: 264
- Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 3:00 am
Mack - I, too, have had similar feelings. I am so sick and tired of the constant anxiety symptoms! I am tired of being scared all the time, and of obsessing about what new illness I have, how much time I have left, and so forth. I am a mother and am finding it hard to function -- I want to be alone all the time and I can't. I don't have a lot of support, either. My "perfect" hubby doesn't go through this so he has no clue how scary it really is! Even so, something keeps me going. I feel if I can turn all this around and make it positive somehow I won't be suffering in vain. Maybe that is something you could look into doing? I know I have to get better before I can help others, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will be, but we just have to keep trying. I know it is easier said than done, but we just have to. We are strong, even though we feel weak most of the time, and we can persevere. We can't let anxiety/depression win. If we gave up that's exactly what we are doing. I don't want my brain to have the satisfaction of scaring me to death -- literally. I won't allow it. We can do this. We have to do it. And, we will be better for it. 
Wiskers ~
Wiskers ~-
Guest
Hi guys,
I am so sorry to read this and hear how much you are both suffering. Six years ago when I went through my first bout with anxiety and depression, I felt exactly the same - what was the point, I just wanted to end it. I thought everyone would be better off without me.
When I finally got my medication right and starting giving myself little challenges like "today I will go to the grocery store for 10 minutes." I slowly started to improve. I got better.
Since then, I got married and had a daughter. I often stop myself and realize that I could have missed out on all those wonderful experiences over the last 6 years if I had let the depression and anxiety win.
Believe me Mack, your family would rather worry about you than live without you. You can beat this, I promise.
You should get yourself to the doctor and discuss medication, if you are not already on it. If you are, you may need to tweak it.
Try not to think about the next 40 years, just try to focus on taking it minute by minute.
Don't let the anxiety and depression win. You are both special people with so much to offer. Life can be good again.
Sarah
I am so sorry to read this and hear how much you are both suffering. Six years ago when I went through my first bout with anxiety and depression, I felt exactly the same - what was the point, I just wanted to end it. I thought everyone would be better off without me.
When I finally got my medication right and starting giving myself little challenges like "today I will go to the grocery store for 10 minutes." I slowly started to improve. I got better.
Since then, I got married and had a daughter. I often stop myself and realize that I could have missed out on all those wonderful experiences over the last 6 years if I had let the depression and anxiety win.
Believe me Mack, your family would rather worry about you than live without you. You can beat this, I promise.
You should get yourself to the doctor and discuss medication, if you are not already on it. If you are, you may need to tweak it.
Try not to think about the next 40 years, just try to focus on taking it minute by minute.
Don't let the anxiety and depression win. You are both special people with so much to offer. Life can be good again.
Sarah
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Guest
Mack,
I have the same problem a lot but I am not suicidal but have had thoughts that everyone would be better off if I were gone. When I get sick and have to lie in the bed, I don't want to do anything and I have had days that I want to just sleep and forget everything. My sisters do not understand me and usually yell at me to get up and stay busy. I am hoping this program will help. I have a difficult time getting to listen to it. I try to when I travel to work but I live close to my job. I do enjoy my work but I get behind and then the stress and depression begins again.
So many people feel like us.
Were you raised in a home where people were negative thinkers? I was (mother's side) and I grew up the same way. If asked how much soda I have in a glass I would say half empty instead of half full. I feel like I would benefit from groups actually getting together and discuss their problems. I don't have anyone to talk to and I try to talk to God and then I feel guilty because due to all the people with worse problems than mine. I can't discuss it with my husband because he has his own problems and he isn't a talker and my daughter is in medical school and she says I am just mean and that I should send this program back because it won't help me. Usually people that are too positive irritate me and I feel they are too confident. I have never had any confidence. I do feel writing your thoughts will help you and try to be more spiritual. Some of the stuff on the cds do not sound like me at all but a lot does. Write back and see if we can help each other.
June
I have the same problem a lot but I am not suicidal but have had thoughts that everyone would be better off if I were gone. When I get sick and have to lie in the bed, I don't want to do anything and I have had days that I want to just sleep and forget everything. My sisters do not understand me and usually yell at me to get up and stay busy. I am hoping this program will help. I have a difficult time getting to listen to it. I try to when I travel to work but I live close to my job. I do enjoy my work but I get behind and then the stress and depression begins again.
So many people feel like us.
Were you raised in a home where people were negative thinkers? I was (mother's side) and I grew up the same way. If asked how much soda I have in a glass I would say half empty instead of half full. I feel like I would benefit from groups actually getting together and discuss their problems. I don't have anyone to talk to and I try to talk to God and then I feel guilty because due to all the people with worse problems than mine. I can't discuss it with my husband because he has his own problems and he isn't a talker and my daughter is in medical school and she says I am just mean and that I should send this program back because it won't help me. Usually people that are too positive irritate me and I feel they are too confident. I have never had any confidence. I do feel writing your thoughts will help you and try to be more spiritual. Some of the stuff on the cds do not sound like me at all but a lot does. Write back and see if we can help each other.
June