Scared I have a disease

LauraLynn · Post by **LauraLynn** » Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:02 am

I have had anxiety issues for many years. I have heart palpatations and was diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse and PVCs. I have had many episodes where I thought I was dying due to heart palpatations. Then during a stressful time I had horrible chest pain and went to the ER. Did the whole work up and they said it was just stress. Then I started having involentary muscle movements...did a search online and became obsessed with thinking I have ALS. As I read the symptoms, I started developing them. I couldn't swallow, had muscle twitching, hyper reflexes, ridging on my tongue, noticing my muscles on my arms and hands looking different, fullness and poping in my ears. I lost sleep, wieght, and lived in constant fear. This started 2 years ago. My dr. put me on lexapro. I took it for 6 months. I did a barium swallow and MRI, lots of blood work, everything was normal. After time the symptoms all disapated and the fear mostly went away. Then about a month ago I had twitchng start in my hand that lasted for weeks. The fear was back in full force. I went to the Dr. He refered my to a neurologist who said he did not see any evidence of any type on nuero-muscular degenerative disease. But, I continue to have a hard time shaking the fear. When I have twitching, the thoughts bombard me that something must be wrong. Anyone out there that can relate?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:42 am

Laura first I will say you are ok....I obsess about my health as you do....I constantly think something terrible is wrong which leads me to feel spacy and dizzy and like I will pass out....it never happens but I end up feeling very sad and tired.

I also had all kinds of tests in my past cardiac, nuerological you name it.....and everything as you came back normal...Its not easy for me to believe because I feel so sick....I really feel it its not an illusion. My sister said to me once you want to be sick and thats not true I am so scared of being sick it makes me sick.....

I dont live in constant fear everyday but when it comes it comes back full force. If something I struggled with in the past comes back I start back to the original fear pattern and it just esculates.

I have found this online chat and forum to be the best thing ever for me. To be able to talk freely to people who REALLY understand me because they too live the fear.

I know what is the right thing to do as do you I suspect. We are logical people....we are sensitive and we understand what people are saying to us its just hard to accept and move on when your body is still feeling so bad.

But I have to say and I bet you agree that as bad as it has ever gotten its ALWAYS gotten better. Its so hard to comprehend when we are in the thick of it but thats why when we feel good we MUST be good to ourselves so that we learn to trust our own bodies and minds.

When I struggle as I did this afternoon I went online....a good freind on there Karma was nice enough to private chat with me and we talked it through and I saw it.....I felt it, I typed it, I read it and I FINALLY SAW it....do you understand?

Go to the chat come to the forum for help for the shoulder to lean on until we can learn to be that shoulder to ourselves lets help eachother.

You are ok.....you really are......
Follow your program review certain sections if you must but keep on track and you and I will both be fine!

Hang in there......YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Hope to see you online.
Dodger.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 19, 2007 9:44 am

Thank you so much for your reassurance. I am really needing it today. When I am feeling fine-no body symptoms-it all makes so much sense and I get it. But, as soon as I start to experince symptoms, I get all confused and question myself and the anxiety and vicous cycle sets in. Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my post. I hesitated posting, because I feel so foolish for feeling like I do, but now I am glad that I posted and I hope it helps someone else out there.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 19, 2007 10:25 am

Originally posted by LauraLynn:
When I am feeling fine-no body symptoms-it all makes so much sense and I get it. But, as soon as I start to experince symptoms, I get all confused and question myself and the anxiety and vicous cycle sets in.

I know the feeling!! All it takes is one little ache or one little pain and the cycle can start all over again!

You're not alone. The sad part is that I don't necessarily have one specific disease to worry about - I have a few - so once I'm finally convinced I don't have "Disease X," I start worrying about one of the others.

Thankfully, I'm not like this every single day. PMS has a definite effect on it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 19, 2007 11:57 am

Laura, you are, like everyone has been saying, so not alone! Last winter, b/c I felt like something was in my throat, I right away went online (big mistake) and thought I had MS and then I really panicked and that made me feel like I couldn't breathe and that something was wrong with my lungs....etc. etc.... I truly felt like I was dying of something. I was screaming at everyone b/c they didn't understand I had a TERRIBLE DISEASE!! I lost alot of weight, wasn't sleeping and all that anxiety started to make me depressed. Each fear creates another symptom which creates more fear......I know, totally how you feel. You are fine. Dodger explained it perfectly. Take care, you are okay.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:02 pm

What you are explaining is the exact reason why I started this program. One moment I am living a normal life and then I get some muscle pains in my chest and I am stressed so bad that I am making them worse. I think I have stressed my immune sytem out with worry and now I have caught a cold. I'm tryin gnot to let my sore throat and tight chest worry me. My husband tries to understand but mostly he thinks I am ridiculous. I actually appreciate some of his "tough love logic" because it stops me from taking my scenarios too far. However, it is so scary to have my body react to panic. It takes over and I have no control over it. I really hope I can find help with this program and that my body heals and quits giving me reasons to worry!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:06 am

OMG what you wrote sounds like me. The same thing and the same succession. How I interrupt the obsession is the I say to myself that no one what ever died because of the twitch in my arm. I won't be reading in the newspaper anytime soon that MAN DIES FROM A TWITCH IN ARM. I crack up and move on. Laughing about my pattern always make me see it for what it is and that there is nothing to do about it except redirect my thoughts. Good luck seeing it for what those thoughts are...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:38 am

Thank you all for explaining how I feel so well. I, too, obsess about my health, but it is now complicated by the fact that I have atrial fibrillation and will have to have an ablation procedure at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis because my heart has gone out of normal rythm three times, twice I've had electric cardioversion, but each time, it reverted. My husband thinks I worried my heart into going out of rythm and even though the doctor says no, I'm beginning to believe he's right. After the first cardioversion, I was great for about three and a half weeks and then I got this fear and jittery feeling in my stomach and haven't felt well since November. And, in December and January, my heart went into a-fib again. To add insult to injury, I had a reaction to an antibiotic over Christmas and spent Christmas Even in the emergency room because my hands were turning blue--turned out not to be heart-related but a rare reaction to the antibiotic. Then two weeks ago, I got a terrible rash that I first had to have blood work drawn for and then a biopsy! My family doctor thought it was an auto immune disease then my cardiologist thought it was a reaction to one of the heart medications I was taking. When it didn't get better after stopping the medicine, they sent me to a dermatologist who did a biopsy and said that it was a contact allergy. Gave me some cream (I can't take sterioids) because of my heart problems and after soaking my legs twice a day in cold cloths and applying the cream, it began to get better. On Friday got the stitch out from the biopsy and the go ahead to take the medicine again--they were that sure it was a contact dermatitist. Took it over the weekend and now, Monday morning, woke up with the rash again! For every step forward I take, it's two steps backward. I seem to have the weirdest reactions and I panic about each one. I feel like my body has turned against me--at the very least I'm convinced my body chemistry has changed--likely because of the strong heart medication. And, of course, the medicine that is the cause of the rash helps me more than anything else I can take. And, did I mention that I'm expecting my first grandchild in just a few weeks? And, at Barnes, even if the surgeon agrees to do the ablation it may be at the very earliest April! In the meantime, I'm constantly nauseated and anxious beyond description. I take Ativan (lorazepam), but anti-depressants (Lexapro and Zoloft) make me so nauseous I never got past a day or two with them. I appreciate finding people with the same concerns.