a question for caroline
I have been have obsessive scary thoughts, they are not improving, I have tried everything, im doing good with the rest of the program but with this im struggling. The thought is will i be a good mom. I have a three year old and im due may25, to have my son im 23 years old i have been a very good mom for 3 years now since im pregnant i dont think i can be so every waking moment all i can think about is how bad of a parent i can be what if this or that what if everything. My mom was a terrible mom, and i came from a evil family. and im not married, when i said i would be married before having kids its like i know i would never do anything to hurt my kids but, why cant i get this off my mind i have been having this worry for 8 months, the worry that i had before this was what if my family catches a disease and i loose them. They left because when you get pregnant they test you for all types of diseases. I just want to enjoy being a mom and enjoy my family, im so tired of feeling like this.
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Guest
Dance3,
I am not Carolyn but it's been over a week and I really wanted to give you some information that may help you.
You have obsessive scary thinking and this type of disorder just doesn't want to let us alone. So we must learn to manage it. Your ultimate goal is to dismiss your thoughts without emotional attachment to them. When you learn this you will no longer be plagued by them. They leave quickly and often don't come for long periods of time but when they do they do not have the impact they once had.
Learning exposure therapy will benefit you greatly.
You do not need to punish yourself for the way you are. Instead you need to nuture and soothe. Comfort yourself. Support yourself. Your awareness of how you want things to be will help to guide you in the raising of your own children. Just because you are having children out of wedlock does not mean you are a bad person. This seems to be a popular thing now a days. Our society has transformed in this arena. Remember that guilt is manmade. We are not born with it. When you find yourself judging and feeling guilty - STOP - and focus on your present moment. There is a lot of work to healing so you must be patient with yourself.
When we let go of one obsession, our minds will always find another. It's the nature of the disorder and we are born with this tendency toward ocd so, again, stop judging yourself and start soothing that little girl in you. She needs your love.
Eventually, you will get to a place where you will just dismiss any new stuff. You'll stop attaching to it all.
Practice. Keep working on yourself. Find soothing phrases that make you feel good.
"I will not abandon you through this."
"I know I am a good person."
"I can feel this fear, this anxiety and continue to function beautifully."
You come up with more phrases to help you through this. Read Dr. Howard Liebgold, Freedom from Fear. Also, read Lee Baer's books. Great stuff that will really make you feel better. Will reinforce the tools of StressCenter and keep you on track. You will have these books to refer to whenever you need them. Keep pumping in the good stuff until it becomes second nature. You are not alone.
I wonder if you are judging yourself too harshly because of your own upbringing? It may be helpful to talk to a therapist to help you see the good things about yourself. You need to redirect your thoughts.
I am a good mother.
I am a good person.
Yes, I had an unhappy past but I do not need to bring that into my present moment.
I can change the way things are and make them the way I want them to be.
I am patient with myself.
I can love myself - no matter what!!!!
My best to you, Dance3. You will make it through this.
I am not Carolyn but it's been over a week and I really wanted to give you some information that may help you.
You have obsessive scary thinking and this type of disorder just doesn't want to let us alone. So we must learn to manage it. Your ultimate goal is to dismiss your thoughts without emotional attachment to them. When you learn this you will no longer be plagued by them. They leave quickly and often don't come for long periods of time but when they do they do not have the impact they once had.
Learning exposure therapy will benefit you greatly.
You do not need to punish yourself for the way you are. Instead you need to nuture and soothe. Comfort yourself. Support yourself. Your awareness of how you want things to be will help to guide you in the raising of your own children. Just because you are having children out of wedlock does not mean you are a bad person. This seems to be a popular thing now a days. Our society has transformed in this arena. Remember that guilt is manmade. We are not born with it. When you find yourself judging and feeling guilty - STOP - and focus on your present moment. There is a lot of work to healing so you must be patient with yourself.
When we let go of one obsession, our minds will always find another. It's the nature of the disorder and we are born with this tendency toward ocd so, again, stop judging yourself and start soothing that little girl in you. She needs your love.
Eventually, you will get to a place where you will just dismiss any new stuff. You'll stop attaching to it all.
Practice. Keep working on yourself. Find soothing phrases that make you feel good.
"I will not abandon you through this."
"I know I am a good person."
"I can feel this fear, this anxiety and continue to function beautifully."
You come up with more phrases to help you through this. Read Dr. Howard Liebgold, Freedom from Fear. Also, read Lee Baer's books. Great stuff that will really make you feel better. Will reinforce the tools of StressCenter and keep you on track. You will have these books to refer to whenever you need them. Keep pumping in the good stuff until it becomes second nature. You are not alone.
I wonder if you are judging yourself too harshly because of your own upbringing? It may be helpful to talk to a therapist to help you see the good things about yourself. You need to redirect your thoughts.
I am a good mother.
I am a good person.
Yes, I had an unhappy past but I do not need to bring that into my present moment.
I can change the way things are and make them the way I want them to be.
I am patient with myself.
I can love myself - no matter what!!!!
My best to you, Dance3. You will make it through this.