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mack · Post by **mack** » Tue Jan 27, 2009 8:58 pm

I'm as down as I've been in a long time. Obsessive thoughts about never being able to be out of my head and enjoy myself again through music have really got me down. I just can't seem to accept these thoughts. I wonder if I truly can most times. I know it's the amount of stress I'm under with graduating from college and not knowing what I'm going to do. Jobs are becoming harder and harder to find and after being in college so long the thought of going back to the 8 to 6 depresses me even more. I can't seem to get my sleep schedule going either. I'm sleeping all day basically. This has happened to me before in the winter time, but combined with the stress of being in a new town, needing a job, and dealing with these obsessions I'm struggling. I keep telling myself that these thoughts are not me and I just need to take care of business, but it's hard to even get out of bed most days. Exercising and working the program just seems too much to handle. A lot of times I feel hopeless and that scares me because I've been there before and it wasn't pretty. I don't know why I'm even writing into this forum I guess I figured I just needed to vent. That's supposed to be cathartic. I've read so many posts on this site and all answers lead back to acceptance and doing the work to get better, but I can hardly will myself to go pay my bills.

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:31 am

Pick one small thing to get done. Then pick one more. I know I was feeling down this week and last night I went through the house for just like 15 minutes and picked up a few things. Then, I did a little bit of laundry. It made me feel better to accomplish something, no matter how small. The other thing is when I'm feeling down I need to reach out and connect to people. Is there a friend you can call or visit with for a little while? Getting out of your own head is always useful.

Sleeping all day can make anyone feel awful. Try hard to get up and just get moving. Journaling helps, even if just a few lines a day.

Don't think of ALL the stuff you have going on at once and ALL the stuff you have to do. Break it down into small steps. You can do it.

r.michelle · Post by **r.michelle** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:41 am

Mack...sounds like to me you need support...people whom will help you on your journey. Give yourself credit for even posting, that tells me that you really want to move forward to a new life....and you can.

I have to force myself at these times. I have had to stay on week three for a while now. Where are you at in the program? Do you journal? Are you exercising? All of these things have really helped me...I do them even when I do not want to and I feel so much better about myself now for moving forward.

Keep posting, you have support here...and know many people here stand with you and can help ease your pain with understanding...be accountable for yourself....and know this will pass it has before...change your throught process, find the good in today and move forward. I am thinking about you....Have a better day starting today.

bna · Post by **bna** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:20 am

Hello Mack. I agree with Faith, decide for 10-15 to do something small. Don't look at all that needs to be done. Pick one ot two things and work on it for 15 minutes. If you need a break take it. When you begin to see little accomplishments it will begin to motivate you.

You need to be kind and compassionate to yourself. From your post you have said you have expeinced this before. Remember you have come through this before and you are strong. Also come on the forums, as I have said in other posts, there are so many kind and thoughtful people on here, who know how you are feeling and are willing to help.

Please conrtinue to post because we really do care. I'll say a prayer for you right now. Take care and God Bless.

mack · Post by **mack** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 7:33 pm

Thank you all so much for your replies. I've always had trouble in how bewildered I am that I have this problem. I just want to be my old self so bad. It's been 7 years of being inside my head all the time. It's been about a year since I came up with the obsession 'what if when I hear music all I can think about is how much I'm in my head, and therefore can't just sit back and envelope myself in the music.' Then it evolved into what if I'm never able to enjoy anything because of these obsessive thoughts. It gets worse with stress and I'm having some of the greatest stress, (normal stressors), and I'm coming up with new ones and old ones all the time, but this one about music has always gets me the most depressed. I feel like nothing is worth doing if I can't enjoy music again. I force myself to listen to music instead of how it was just one of the best parts of my life. I feel bad that I have to force myself to listen to music. It's so absurd. So pointless. I guess I need some serious help in finding acceptance. It's hard for me because my doubts about religion and spirituality leave me just asking more questions that nobody has the answers to. Anyway, thanks again for your advice everyone. I hope all is well with you and yours.