Slimjim saying HI. Just wanted to see if you woulld like to take a peek at my latest webcomic? If so let me know what you think.
Thanx.
[url=http://madamexinc.smackjeeves....cs/1029786/mx-inc-1/]http://madamexinc.smackjeeves....cs/1029786/mx-inc-1/[/url] I'm a recent graduate of the program and I just wanted to show those of you what this program has allowed me to do in ways I never thought was possible. It's allowed me to unlock some major creative juices and it can do the same for you guys as well.
HELP - Is it possible to just STOP breathing, scared to death.
Can you try reposting? I even tried to copy and past into my web browser, but nothing...hi again. well i had my second dose of therapy on friday. the only thing is i dont see her again till the 10th december! i discovered through talking that these thoughts i am having seem to be there for a reason. to keep me highly anxious to stop me thinking of the underneath emotions. well what can be more scary than thinking your going to stop breathing or your going to die or when i go outside that im going to float away. i still have trouble with the breathing issue but sometimes i forget for a bit but then it comes back and in i go to the circle. part of me is a bit anxious about this therapy ie started as "when" my issues are exposed and the emotions or whatever surface what will i be left with? i mean ive lived with anxiety since i was 19 and im now 43 so ive been with it for a very long time and im not sure what my state would be "if" i ever over come my issues. the way i look at it, its not the future that worries me as much as what the past has done to me and i need to VENT my blocked up feelings once and for all and try to come to terms with what has happened. to be honest i think my troubles mentally are a result of past traumatic experiences and i know its not as bad as some people have experienced but everyone is different. the tool my counsellor wants to practice is breathing exercises on a regular basis as much as i can and as often as i can so my body gets used to it as she told me that if i just used a breathing technique in emergencies ie anxiety attacks then it has a chance of not working as it will be new and untested and as we know when panic strikes most things go out the window. she did have a crazy idea well i thought it was, she put the thought forward as to her inducing me into a panic attack. the question beckons is why would anyone want to induce someone else into a panic attack! yes i know to learn that you can undo it but its a scary thought and one which has haunted me since i had my very first attack. oh i found a chatroom on the www supposed to be about people dealing with or having had agoraphobia but as yet no one in the chat owned up to experiencing it and just blah. well thats my ramblings for today..lol and no berengar ive not tried that program.
Hi Paul,
feel free to ramble any time. It has helped me a lot to get my feelings out in the Stress forums.
The part about indicing panic attacks is indeed a form of therapy that many people believe in. The purpose of it, as I'm sure you can imagine, is to show you that ultimately panic, anxiety and obsessive and/or irrational fears cannot hurt you. Instead, all these feelings do is leave you tired and exhausted, and usually depressed. 'Exposure therapy' does work for a lot of people.
I had been to multiple therapists and tried many self-help programs over the years. I tried StressCenter's program in 2008, then went through all of the material again this past year as a 'refresher'. This is the only thing that has helped me. Although it wasn't cheap, I wish I would have found it sooner because I could have saved potentially thousands of dollars on therapy. The best thing about the program for me was that it helped me understand my personality type SO much better, and helped me understand how to talk myself down from anxiety. It really made me face my fears.
You aren't alone... I lived with your exact same fears for decades and am finally now feeling free because I know that the scary thoughts and feelings are just my overanalytical brain focusing inward on myself. It's a visious cycle... we feel anxious because of something in the back of our mind (past trauma, bad experience that day, could be ANYTHING); we subconsiously look inward to determine why we feel the way we do. When we do this, we start observing our normal body functions... some people focus on a minor headache, other their heartbeat, for you, me and many others, it's our breathing. This all happens very quickly, and the second we take notice of it, we automatically associate that process with the bad feelings we are experiencing. We then somehow determine that the breathing, or whatever we noticed, is the SOURCE of the anxiety or fear, but this is NOT reality! It is just our creative way of blaming the anxiety on something. I recommend you tell yourself this any time you feel fearful or anxious. You are more often than not simply over-reacting to your own body feelings and it is truly harmless, even though it feels like your whole world is crashing in on you.
You are very brave for seeking help... these fears are debilitating at times, and looking for answers can feel like a very scary thing to do.
feel free to ramble any time. It has helped me a lot to get my feelings out in the Stress forums.
The part about indicing panic attacks is indeed a form of therapy that many people believe in. The purpose of it, as I'm sure you can imagine, is to show you that ultimately panic, anxiety and obsessive and/or irrational fears cannot hurt you. Instead, all these feelings do is leave you tired and exhausted, and usually depressed. 'Exposure therapy' does work for a lot of people.
I had been to multiple therapists and tried many self-help programs over the years. I tried StressCenter's program in 2008, then went through all of the material again this past year as a 'refresher'. This is the only thing that has helped me. Although it wasn't cheap, I wish I would have found it sooner because I could have saved potentially thousands of dollars on therapy. The best thing about the program for me was that it helped me understand my personality type SO much better, and helped me understand how to talk myself down from anxiety. It really made me face my fears.
You aren't alone... I lived with your exact same fears for decades and am finally now feeling free because I know that the scary thoughts and feelings are just my overanalytical brain focusing inward on myself. It's a visious cycle... we feel anxious because of something in the back of our mind (past trauma, bad experience that day, could be ANYTHING); we subconsiously look inward to determine why we feel the way we do. When we do this, we start observing our normal body functions... some people focus on a minor headache, other their heartbeat, for you, me and many others, it's our breathing. This all happens very quickly, and the second we take notice of it, we automatically associate that process with the bad feelings we are experiencing. We then somehow determine that the breathing, or whatever we noticed, is the SOURCE of the anxiety or fear, but this is NOT reality! It is just our creative way of blaming the anxiety on something. I recommend you tell yourself this any time you feel fearful or anxious. You are more often than not simply over-reacting to your own body feelings and it is truly harmless, even though it feels like your whole world is crashing in on you.
You are very brave for seeking help... these fears are debilitating at times, and looking for answers can feel like a very scary thing to do.
Hey Paul,
Scary thoughts have been one of my symptoms of anxiety. I learned that we have to respond to these thoughts with "rational resonse" i.e. evidence supporting facts. The belief in the irrational thoughts is what leads to anxiety. We have to respond with pure evidence on a daily basis and write down present tense affirmations. The brain will folow. Reality is that you will always breathe. Reality is you don't just die from going outside. Reality is humans don't "float away". respond to these thoughts in writing consistently. Keep up the ggod work and pat yourself on the back for taking the initiativein your recovery
Scary thoughts have been one of my symptoms of anxiety. I learned that we have to respond to these thoughts with "rational resonse" i.e. evidence supporting facts. The belief in the irrational thoughts is what leads to anxiety. We have to respond with pure evidence on a daily basis and write down present tense affirmations. The brain will folow. Reality is that you will always breathe. Reality is you don't just die from going outside. Reality is humans don't "float away". respond to these thoughts in writing consistently. Keep up the ggod work and pat yourself on the back for taking the initiativein your recovery
hi again, thanks for both responses. i dont know if years ago after i had my first panic attack was the then the process of trying to find answers to what was wrong with me and no one at that time explain anything it was just oh its paul. the dr seen me a heap of times with silly complaints like why is my throat red and stuff. eventually i did the worst and sought religion and trying to go into churches etc to try talk to a priest but i never went past the door and my mind just starting asking questions about death. so not olnly did i have to worry about anxiety and my worries about others i had now started to ask about afterlife and this lead to nothing no one to answer this stuff and it drove me mad you know. i dont know why i mentioned this as really its not the problem. i think my problem lies in my childhood. my dad buggered off when i was 2 and i never met him till i was like 27/28 and at this time i had agoraphobia in its first year, then i never seen him again till i was 37/38 and yet he saw my brother for the ten years i didnt see him and he had to go past the turning to visit me on his way to see my brother. i was left at my young age with a drunken stepdad who used to belt me and my brother but never belted his sons even though they set fires in the house and we could have all died. my mum took me too see a shrink at a very earky age and its ironic that i now live like a 199 yards from the place she used to take me. i was the only one that went to see the shrink and he wanted me to go into a childrens hospital for mental things. i didnt go as it had to be voluntary and the day i went to visit i was bullied so that was it. then when i was 11/12 i was sent to a detention centre that housed all sorts of kids none of which were there for staying off school and being locked in a place with plastic windows and locked in at night with others who had done violent things was very scary. i was moved to a less secure place as they made a mistake and put me in the wrong bit but its ok for them to say it. then i was moved to a family group home when some bad experiences happened. this older lad made me watch him have a wank and another occassion in the cinema he wanted me to wank him off. i know people have worse stuff happen to them. also my stepdad used to take me out sometimes and at the time i didnt know he was my stepdad and used to cal, him dad i loved the bandits and he took me to an arcade and gave me some money to play them at this time there was a guy in the place and i paid no attention to it as i was enjoying the machine and the thrill of trying to win money. my stepdad was standing right beside me and this dude came right up beside me and put his hand on my backside and tried to put a finger inside. i thought he had a dog and i was terriefied and just looked at my stepdad and i wanted to say hey tell this dirty old bastard to get his had off me but the words never came out, the women who was the cashier must have either seen the incident or knew the pervert as when i went to get change she asked me if i was ok. i held this in until like i was maybe 37 or so as i was ashamed to tell anyone as i thought that maybe my family would feel something that it could have been stopped. after this i hardly ever went to school while i was in the home i used to go in and register and out the other side no one took an interest and there answer was to give me corporal punishment ie the strap or cane. when i got to 18/19 my mum met a new husband and she took his side on evrrything and we moved away from where we lived to a p,lace a knew no one. six months down the line panic started. and it didnt get better as my stepdad paid for me to do a computer course as i had no qualifications and couldnt get into college, sadly further down the line he had an accident and was off work and he was falling behind in his mortgage payments all because he didnt take out insurance tyo cover himself for accidents at work with him being self employed so he started to take it out on me and over the next 5 years it was constant if that ******* had of game me the money back for the course i wouldnt be ion this mess and then he blamed me for losing his car cos he never ticked the box for cover if you get sick etc as he said the money he paid for my course would have made a payment on the car. then he started working with some guys and they stopped paying him for 17 weeks while they were getting money and then i got the blame same old same old, when i left the house he used to search my room, call me names on a regular basis, when i wanted hot water for a bath or anything i would switch the water on and he would go switch it off. then him and my mum split and he had to sign the tenancy to help my mum get a place of her own he used to lurk in the back lane and he came in the house and still it went on him saying it was his place and i shudnt for get it. the amount of times i wanted to hit him was blah but if i did my mum would have kicked me out and i would be on the streets with nothing so all the years this was happening i just had to let him do anything. after a while we moved to the place i lived with my phobia, before my phobia my mum was always wanting to kick me out and used to vent her spleen at me on a weekly basis. i was the older son at that time yet my younger brother got choice of rooms. he left and my mum gave the room to his ex gf and kicked me out and some how got back as i ended up sharing a place with my brother and his mate. and at this time my brother and his mates were into drugs and they knew i didnt take anything and they started to say they would spike me to see wot would happen maybe it was a joke to them but it started off my ocd as i started not touching any food that had been used ie milk etc. this brought more anxiety and it seemed to effect me while i was outside gradually in time my mum let me move back but it was too late as it had took hold. while i was there my mum put me back in the small room and gave the bigger room to a lodger. then she met a new partner who at the start was so so and he started trying to asert his self after time. him and my mum would go out drinking and come home drunk and cos the dishes or the tidying up wasnt done she used to shout abuse and he used to bang on my door saying if i didnt open it he would break in. he started to buy food on a saturday and after time he would start hiding it in my mums room as i used to eat the crabsticks and most of the time he hid it by the time it came round to them eating it the food had to be thrown out. i ate some crabsticks just a couple and they came in drunk and they seen the crabsticks had been opened so once again into my room giving me abuse about going into my mums room and opening the pack. i so wanted to hit him but again i knew that i had no where to go as my phobia had already started. then as time went on i started drinking and had to hide everything and ask him or my mum to get beer when my brother wasnt around. until one time i was drinking to get out the house and he took me to a bar in his car and we had some drink and then went back to m mums where when we got there thses lads chased our dog and nothing happened they just stared at us and then my mum shouted out the window for him to go get cigarettes. he drove up the street and one of the lads jumped on the bonnet of his car and the others were shouting and baning on the windows he drove round the corner to get away and the lad fell off the bonnet and was injured, he ended up going to prison for four months but got released after his sentence was overturned but while in there he had a heart attack which they said was a frozen shoulder. he came out and they found out the damage to his heart and put him on meds my mum got married and he seemed to be different now but if i hadnt of went out with him that night he would have went his regular place without his car and he would never have seen them lads or had the accident or went to jail and had a heart attack which later on in 2007 had a heart attack which killed him. in this time my gran who i used to visit quite a lot before i was housebound became ill and got dementia and when i seen her she wasnt the same person i remmebered and she died and i couldnt go her funeral and never grieved. in my time in the house well bedroom my brother came to live with us the one who had the drug thing and he was taking drugs via needles and his stuff was all over the sinks and he even did it in my bedroom while i was bedridden. the food thing started and gradually i was eating only when my mum had brought shopping home and eventually i was getting panic attacks while eating and i kept changing foods and the panic attacks kept coming till i stopped eating. i lost a lot of weight in 6 weeks and i could see my bones i couldnt get out of bed much and was surviving on ensure plus drinks and some milk. the drs just came and said daft things until eventually the day came the shrink visited me and said if i dont go nut ward voluntary by the next day i was getting committed. well id not been outside since my phobia started at that time as it was 2000 and the incident with my stepdad was later i think. before this happended in 1999 i met a girl from the cb radio which at the time was my communication with outside and she fell pregnant and we split before she found out because of my and my drinking and my circumstances. prior to meeting her i had met some not honest women from the cb who gave me a bad imagine of women and in reality it wasnt the case but my gf who i liked didnt seem to take in what had happened in the past with these women one had sent photos of someone elses baby pretending it was mine and this was the one who i lost my viriginity too which i only did this cos i didnt want to die a virgin. when your stuck in the house and people say we going to get you etc there isnt much you can do when you've nowhere to go. my daughter was born in 200o may and my ex gf text me after 1o tens saying i had a daughtet i didnt believe her and thought here we go another nutter she brought her down and i think i saw her 5 or six times while trying to cope with not eating and stuff and i got very depressed that i couldnt help her and i tried to take my ex gfs worries on eventually i told her im not good im ill i cant get out and i cant help you with our daughter find someone else she said she wanted me and wished i would go her house, but then in august the same year she met someone and moved away and i didnt find out till one day my mum took some xmas presents to her house and she didnt live there it sent me crazy and thats when i started on the medication and now my daughter is 10 and lives down london way i have no way of meeting her or communicating with her and my ex has said she may or may not tell my daughter about me by the time she is 13 as im not on the birth certificate as i waasnt present at the registry. then 2 years ago i hit rock bottom and tried the inevitable it didnt work i was in just nowhere land until i then contacted a phobia therapist who came my house said the stuff i wanted to hear i next saw him at his office and i was going down and asked him to help me he just dismissed it saying i didnt look like someone in trouble got the doctor to stop my anxiety meds panic started worse after the meds stopped i had more difficulty getting out again and now im stuck on my own with no help and a family that just want me to take them places cos while i was doing better with medication i managed to pass my driving test and with my mum being ill with arhtritus and stuff and she got a mobility car and named me as driver it went omk while i was coping but she has never let me forget its her car even though i give her the money she has to pay for the hire of the car. also while i was in the house my mum got breast cancer and i remember the day she came home she was upset and i went to see her and she told me and this freaked me that my mum had cancer and i said what do thye think caused it and i rmemeber i said did anxiety cause it and the answer was they didnt know it could have. well i hought it was me as with me being stuck in it caused my mum anxiety and well nothing i could do i tried to see her when she was ill but i couldnt cope going in to her bedroom to sit with her while she was going thru chemotherapy i couldnt even go to treatment with her or do house stuff or even sit with her. and now when i got the chance i moved out and left her with my two brothers who are just doing nothing to help her with day to day stuff. she got the all clear a year or so ago but still has to take the meds and get scans. this is all not in the right order its just jumbled up and i have no idea what it is im doing or why i am even posting this stuff.
oh my i didnt think id typed that much. i wanted to mention something that all the whileive had anxiety ive never been able to tell others about it i just had to keep quiet and go thru it on my own as whenever i asked for help i was told its only a panic attack why should i visit you was the answer from the medics i was under. i couldnt tell my mum or brothers as i was scared they would worry or that they too would get agoraphobia or panic attacks. i used to stress whenever i asked for someone to go shop as i thought they would get stuck or something would happen. at the minute i seem to be stressed about everything like i open my eyes and see things around me and i just dont know if there real or if im real or if there will be air to breathe and how come i can see why can i see in front of me its mentally draining and i dont seem able to cope with doing much else even just going to the kitchen or bathroom is too much effort. i just dont know whats wrong with me and with no where to give my worries too until its desperate like trying to contact the samaritans and now posting on sites where i think what will people think of this nutter posting this crazy stuff. sometimes i wish i knew a doctor or shrink personally but they would just say wot i wanted to hear. bah humbug
its seems like its coming fast. theres another thing. when i lost my friends when i was little because of moving i have never been able to make new friends and keep them. i wish i had friends i could go visit and chat with and go places with. i seem that i dont want to get attached to anyone as they will just go and leave or not like me for some reason. i have very bad problems with the opposite sex. i once was able to chat to females over the phone etc and online and by text but i find that i like someone and i used to chat and they either found someone if they were single and they never spoke again until they were single again or we chatted for months and they expressed feelings only to either stop talking when they seen my photo or when they came to visit me they never spoke again. this has led to me engaging sommeone and then after a short time doing behaviour that will stop them speaking to me ever again. it seems the only people i can get on with is men who i dont seem greatly attached to over the internet as in real life i dont form friendships just people who you would see in a bar or some other place. the women i speak to or either barmaids or the women who work in a shop or other place of work or doctors etc as they arent really bothered who you are or what you look like etc as they are just interacting at the time you meet them. it seems that i feel safe if i see people of authority like say i see a police car or an ambulance or if i happen to get out to socialise its the door man. i am terrified of being abandoned or dying outside and being left and never found or not being able to get to where i want to go and having a panic attack. i get stressed when i see something on tv and they are either on a long road or miles from anywhere or in space. to be honest i am tired and mentally drained from trying to contain everything and not being able to do the day to day things that normal people just do like going for a walk or just evening sitting outside. i would like to sleep like rip van winkle and wake up somewhere else
Wow Paul, that is a lot to deal with. I had a a similar experience as you regarding the old sicko. I also had abandonment to some degree as a child. Everything you are pouring out helps me see you are experiencing anxiety that is a combination of past events and your personality type (you seem analytical, which is NOT a bad thing, it just makes people like us way more sensitive to the way we feel physically, and sometimes causes us to hold on to bad events in our lives).
I can really sympathize with you and can feel what you feel because everything you describe, I believe I have also experienced to some degree. The scary thoughts you have are a result of your creative mind. As hard as it can be, you should tell yourself that although you obviously had a difficult life, it is up to you to do what you want with your life. You are probably just trying to seek normalcy right now, but don't forget, no one is truly 'normal'!
Michael is absolutely right about considering what is real, and looking at rational 'data'. You can move on from everything that has happened in your life; not that you should ever live in denial, but instead give yourself permission to have horrible feelings when you think about the difficult times in your life, and then literally say to yourself 'I can be and do whatever I want and my past will not control me'. You still have so many potentially wonderful years ahead of you. So many of us feel like we have 'wasted' so many years on anxiety and depression, but instead I think we should all realize that by coming face to face with it, we are allowing ourselves to develop coping skills for the future.
And no one will think you are some crazy guy ranting and raving here... many of us have written dissertations as a way to get everything out that we are thinking or feeling. One recommendation I would like to make to you: it only costs a few dollars (like less than $4!)... I purchased the book 'From Panic to Power' last year and it has given me much comfort. I actually tore out a few pages that I find especially helpful when I start to feel anxious and carry them in my daily planner. For just a few dollars it may also help you work through some of your feelings. Not everything will be applicable to you, I'm sure, but many of the topics are common among anxiety sufferers.
Please don't hesitate to keep sharing, asking questions, venting, whatever.
I can really sympathize with you and can feel what you feel because everything you describe, I believe I have also experienced to some degree. The scary thoughts you have are a result of your creative mind. As hard as it can be, you should tell yourself that although you obviously had a difficult life, it is up to you to do what you want with your life. You are probably just trying to seek normalcy right now, but don't forget, no one is truly 'normal'!
Michael is absolutely right about considering what is real, and looking at rational 'data'. You can move on from everything that has happened in your life; not that you should ever live in denial, but instead give yourself permission to have horrible feelings when you think about the difficult times in your life, and then literally say to yourself 'I can be and do whatever I want and my past will not control me'. You still have so many potentially wonderful years ahead of you. So many of us feel like we have 'wasted' so many years on anxiety and depression, but instead I think we should all realize that by coming face to face with it, we are allowing ourselves to develop coping skills for the future.
And no one will think you are some crazy guy ranting and raving here... many of us have written dissertations as a way to get everything out that we are thinking or feeling. One recommendation I would like to make to you: it only costs a few dollars (like less than $4!)... I purchased the book 'From Panic to Power' last year and it has given me much comfort. I actually tore out a few pages that I find especially helpful when I start to feel anxious and carry them in my daily planner. For just a few dollars it may also help you work through some of your feelings. Not everything will be applicable to you, I'm sure, but many of the topics are common among anxiety sufferers.
Please don't hesitate to keep sharing, asking questions, venting, whatever.