Scared to death
I all of a sudden woke up scared to death this morning. My ex-boss from a long time ago asked me to come back to work for them earlier last week. I loved that job, but we decided to move. We moved back around three years ago. I have wanted to go back to work there, but they had someone else. Now that person is leaving for another job. My problem is not the job but what I have to do to get the job back. It is a plant and most plants now-a-days have you take tests to be certified to even enter. Well, the place I have to go is always crowded. There are always long lines. It is the only place in the whole area. Then I have to sit there for four hours and listen to session after session and take tests. I'm so scared to go. I'm so scared to let everyone down. I need to get back to work for financial reasons and to get me out of this house. I've failed so many times with other jobs..always finding excuses why I hate the job and quit. I now understand it's not the job or anybody at the job, it's me. I have such low self esteem that I let everyone run all over me. Even my family. I'm scared it's going to happen again even though I know most of the people there and three people that really want me to come back. I don't know what to do. My husband (poor thing) wants to go fishing and hang out with the guys, but he doesn't want to leave me alone. I don't mind him going (even wish he would, because I know he doesn't want to just hang around the house..he's not that type of person). I'm letting this ruin our 4th of July weekend. I feel so helpless and confused. Everybody around me keeps telling me to go, it will be okay. "There's nothing bad that's going to happen". I just can't get the thought out of my head about having to stand in line and then take a session for four hours. I feel completely numb. There are so many things I need to do around here, but my mind won't get off this subject. I just sit here and dwell. I'm listening to the CD's and the relaxation CD, but I'm so uptight and numb that I don't really know if I'm really listening. I'm so tired! Somebody help me please!
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My Path to Peace
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2008 6:14 pm
Hi Debra. I can relate to what you are saying and feeling. It's hard to take that first step to do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. One thing that I have found (that my husband has pointed out to me many times) is that when I am working on a regular basis I am much happier. I am not sitting around the house worrying about bad things that might happen, and I feel productive and better about myself.
Remember what Lucinda and Dr. Fisher say about facing fears -- you cannot wait until you've overcome your fear to do something you want to do. You'll never overcome the fear by waiting until the time seems right. You have to just do it and that's how you overcome it!
It sounds to me like you really want to take this job and you listed a lot of good reasons to do it. Maybe make a list of those reasons and post it on your mirror and keep focused on all the good outcomes. Practice your breathing and comforting self-talk whenever you feel those overwhelming negative thoughts coming on. It really works!
Hang in there and know that your husband and family love you and that God is there, too, to listen to your fears and calm you.
Take care.
Remember what Lucinda and Dr. Fisher say about facing fears -- you cannot wait until you've overcome your fear to do something you want to do. You'll never overcome the fear by waiting until the time seems right. You have to just do it and that's how you overcome it!
It sounds to me like you really want to take this job and you listed a lot of good reasons to do it. Maybe make a list of those reasons and post it on your mirror and keep focused on all the good outcomes. Practice your breathing and comforting self-talk whenever you feel those overwhelming negative thoughts coming on. It really works!
Hang in there and know that your husband and family love you and that God is there, too, to listen to your fears and calm you.
Take care.
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My Path to Peace
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2008 6:14 pm
I'm still so scared! I've almost talked myself out of doing the tests and passing yet another great opportunity up. I've tried talking to myself, praying, etc., but I can't get that scary thought out of my head. I cry until I think I can't cry anymore and then cry some more. I don't know what to do. My thoughts keep running about to letting everybody down including myself, but don't know what to do about it.
You want to know something funny? I actually got mad at your response the first time I read it. Not at you of course, but what you said. Then I realized I wanted somebody to feel sorry for me and tell me that I don't have to do this, which is exactly what I've been doing for 17 years. Then I read it again and again. I realized that now I know what I'm doing. Instead of trying to think positive and do the things you advised, I'm still thinking negatively. I go back and read what you wrote every so often and think about the good things about getting this job back. That fear still lingers and I can't seem to get it to go away. The closer the day comes to having to do this, the more scared I feel (which is tomorrow).
Why is it so easy for us to help other people try to feel better about themselves, but hard for us to do it for ourselves? I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thanking you so much for taking the time to talk with me and caring. I really appreciate it and the positive attitude you have.
Trying really hard,
Debra
You want to know something funny? I actually got mad at your response the first time I read it. Not at you of course, but what you said. Then I realized I wanted somebody to feel sorry for me and tell me that I don't have to do this, which is exactly what I've been doing for 17 years. Then I read it again and again. I realized that now I know what I'm doing. Instead of trying to think positive and do the things you advised, I'm still thinking negatively. I go back and read what you wrote every so often and think about the good things about getting this job back. That fear still lingers and I can't seem to get it to go away. The closer the day comes to having to do this, the more scared I feel (which is tomorrow).
Why is it so easy for us to help other people try to feel better about themselves, but hard for us to do it for ourselves? I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thanking you so much for taking the time to talk with me and caring. I really appreciate it and the positive attitude you have.
Trying really hard,
Debra
Dear Debra, I just read you leter & the reply you received from (Peace)I feel she is right, but I can feel your fear as I have Agoraphobia, & it takes all I can muster up to go in big crowds, But I give it my best shot. I have to take a small pill to help my heart from beating to fast, then I ask God to help me, & just do it,,I find that helps, but if it gets to fearful I slowly walk out. I think once you start your test, you will be so involved that you won't think of any thing elce.I will think of you tomorrow, I pray for the Lord to give you peace.. All the very best. Zarina
Zarina,
Thank you so much! I'm going to try my best. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know. It's so nice to finally know that there are other people dealing with the same problems I deal with everyday. I can talk to my friends all day long, but if they don't have a clue what your going through or never had anxiety or panic before, they don't understand. They think that "What is wrong with you..there's nothing to it". Maybe for them!
Thank you again for all your kind words.
Debra
Thank you so much! I'm going to try my best. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know. It's so nice to finally know that there are other people dealing with the same problems I deal with everyday. I can talk to my friends all day long, but if they don't have a clue what your going through or never had anxiety or panic before, they don't understand. They think that "What is wrong with you..there's nothing to it". Maybe for them!
Thank you again for all your kind words.
Debra
Hello Debra
I can relate to much of what you said. It is difficult, but you can do it. I have been a stay at home mom for a number of years. My youngest will be starting school full time in the fall. I would like to return to work but I have some fears about it. I have decided to break it down into baby steps. I don't like being in crowds. I feel that my interpersonal skills with adults are not the best because I've been home so long. So I have made myself get out more. I attend my sons's baseball games and I interact with other parents. I would prefer to just sit and not speak with anyone but I refuse to do that anymore. I am looking into a local hospital to start volunteering. I figured it will help. As my goal is to return to work as a RN someday.
Just know, we'll be thinking of you. I will say a prayer all will go well. Take care and God Bless.
I can relate to much of what you said. It is difficult, but you can do it. I have been a stay at home mom for a number of years. My youngest will be starting school full time in the fall. I would like to return to work but I have some fears about it. I have decided to break it down into baby steps. I don't like being in crowds. I feel that my interpersonal skills with adults are not the best because I've been home so long. So I have made myself get out more. I attend my sons's baseball games and I interact with other parents. I would prefer to just sit and not speak with anyone but I refuse to do that anymore. I am looking into a local hospital to start volunteering. I figured it will help. As my goal is to return to work as a RN someday.
Just know, we'll be thinking of you. I will say a prayer all will go well. Take care and God Bless.
Hey Debra,
Just wanted to let you know I'm pulling for ya. This sounds like a great opportunity for you and I hope you dont pass it up. Remember the precious, present moments. Don't let fear take yet another opportunity from you. I have surrendered so many precious, present moments to my fear and anxiety - as I'm sure you have too. Do NOT wait until you feel you are ready, the time is now. You have the resources available to you to handle this...and people from halfway around the world supporting you
- go for it! Let us all know how it turned out tomorrow. ok?
Eric
Just wanted to let you know I'm pulling for ya. This sounds like a great opportunity for you and I hope you dont pass it up. Remember the precious, present moments. Don't let fear take yet another opportunity from you. I have surrendered so many precious, present moments to my fear and anxiety - as I'm sure you have too. Do NOT wait until you feel you are ready, the time is now. You have the resources available to you to handle this...and people from halfway around the world supporting you
- go for it! Let us all know how it turned out tomorrow. ok?Eric
"You can do what you will with the days you are given -
I'm trying to spend mine on the business of living."
I'm trying to spend mine on the business of living."
Dear Debra,
This job sounds like a good thing. If you've worked there before, that should help. I realize that the testing is a difficult part to face. But, try to think about just going one step at a time. Do each test at the time that is allowed. Don't think about the long lines and the further testing. I realize that this is easier said than done, but it is possible. I've gone through a similar testing procedure, followed by a tough interview, twice, trying to get a job as a dispatcher/jailer at the police station a mile down the road. At the time, each time, I thought this was the perfect job for me and so convenient! But, I am a believer that things happen for a reason. Going through the testing and interviews gave me strength as well as practice. I had been a stay-at-home mom with my own business for approximately 15 years prior to the time of trying to get a job at the police station. So, when the right job came along, I was hired within the first five minutes of my interview.
Take a deep breath, think positive things about yourself, find a little bit of confidence, "dress for success" (something that is appropriate for the testing, but yet so you can breathe) and go for it! You never know until you try.
I'll say a prayer for you, too. Take care.
Debbie
This job sounds like a good thing. If you've worked there before, that should help. I realize that the testing is a difficult part to face. But, try to think about just going one step at a time. Do each test at the time that is allowed. Don't think about the long lines and the further testing. I realize that this is easier said than done, but it is possible. I've gone through a similar testing procedure, followed by a tough interview, twice, trying to get a job as a dispatcher/jailer at the police station a mile down the road. At the time, each time, I thought this was the perfect job for me and so convenient! But, I am a believer that things happen for a reason. Going through the testing and interviews gave me strength as well as practice. I had been a stay-at-home mom with my own business for approximately 15 years prior to the time of trying to get a job at the police station. So, when the right job came along, I was hired within the first five minutes of my interview.
Take a deep breath, think positive things about yourself, find a little bit of confidence, "dress for success" (something that is appropriate for the testing, but yet so you can breathe) and go for it! You never know until you try.
I'll say a prayer for you, too. Take care.
Debbie