HELP!!

Anna Burrell · Post by **Anna Burrell** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 4:46 am

My depression is at its absolut worst!! It has been for a while but I figured "I am just having a bad day" but everyday it gets worse and worse. I went to the mountains with my family this weekend and I was in such a bad mood the whole time! I didn't smile and I just wanted to crawl in a hole. Im so mad at myself because my family is great and I probably ruined the weekend. I can't help it.

This morning I woke up in total panic! I could hardly breath. I felt like I was going to pass out, and I had to get up for work. Luckily I just lay in bed telling myself all the positive things in my life, and after about 10 mins the panic attack stopped. Thankfully, but my depression is scaring me. I am just existing right now I am not living. I haven't changed medication or anything lately...just all of the sudden it started to get worse and worse. Im so scared of what I might do!

abbette · Post by **abbette** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:31 am

I'm sorry you are feeling so down all the sudden. I know how that goes....let me tell ya. When I was living in NYC I was so depressed it was a nightmare! So this is what you have to do...you have to get yourself UP. Remember how the positive talk made you feel better?? Just keep that up. POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE. If your room isn't clean, clean your room even if you have to force yourself, DONT BE MAD AT YOURSELF...you have to make a very willful choice to not be mad at yourself but it gets easier and easier. Just keep up that positive self talk, you may have to ask yourself why you are feeling so down and straigthen that out in your mind also. But the best advice I can give is to pretend like you are the parent of your wounded inner child that is still hurting and treat her with the kindest, positive, most loving words you can...and you will move through it. That is something you should do forever...But don't worry, really, you will get through this just keep a POSITIVE ATTITUDE and BE PATIENT, you will get there.

sunbound · Post by **sunbound** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 6:55 am

I've heard that depression is anger turned inward. I do believe that to be true and I think so many of us have things which have happened to us, whether in childhood or later, which hurt us tremendously. I truly believe we get angry because there is a hurt. So, if you can find what the hurt is and know it's ok to feel that hurt and anger - recognize it - but realize that you can not change it. Talk to yourself positively just as abbette said. Be kind to your inner child that was hurt. It's ok to be hurt but we have a choice to not let that hurt hold us hostage.

Today is a good day! You are a wonderful and unique person. Do something good for yourself - whether it's putting a fresh coat of paint on your nails or sitting down with a nice hot cup of tea and listening to your favorite kind of music.

I've found the relaxation "cd" (I just have the online version) and Lesson 3 to be quite helpful. Whatever your negative thoughts are - question them and change them to be more positive. This feeling will pass and you will be better!

I will keep you in my prayers.

God bless!

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:09 pm

Hi Anna. Deep depression is like life five seconds at a time. I am not going to tell you to take a walk and you'll feel better, say positive things to yourself and you'll feel better, or that you will feel better tomorrow. I don't know. I do know you are suffering. And all the things you have written here are examples of how bad you feel. I am right here with you. On a depression test, where a score above 25 indicated serious problems, I scored 41. I am getting better. I don't have any advice for you, except to let you know this program is working for me because I am working on it every day. I hope to see your posts in our support circle for depression. Those of us in the support circle are going to be there for you every day. We can learn how to live without depression. Your friend, Pecos.