i cant cope with death

sammydoo · Post by **sammydoo** » Sat Feb 03, 2007 7:43 pm

I dont know what to do in this situation. My dog was put to sleep today by a sudden tumor. not to long ago my brother died in a motor cycle accident. it doesnt matter whether ones dog ones human..it take such a part of me with them. I dont know whether its the way that i handle it or not, but my mind goes into this "trance" like feelings. where i scare myslef sickly about death. It is ONE OF MY WORT fears. i fear it daily. im afraid of how, or why. Even where we end up. Im the type of person that believes in "everyones beliefs" theres now wrong or right way. i just dont know how to control my mind from scareing me to the point am histerical. im so sensitive..i just have such a hard time accepting things in life. i never understand them. has anyone here ever gone through a devestating situation where u think beyond..im talking about like think about the person who passed..then where they go..then the world..then how the world holds us..then bam! u freak yourself out?? i do this way too much and its making me sick! please help!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 03, 2007 11:22 pm

I am sorry to hear about your losses.
I know that sometimes when someone is faced with what seemily can be a smaller loss, it can trigger emotions from past experiences.
I remember hearing a story from a woman I knew about how she went to her own father's funeral and was fine. A few months later, she attended a funeral for someone she barely knew and was histerical. Times like these can bring back painful memories. Be careful with your emotions right now and try to talk and spend time with your family as much you can.
I hope you were not having these thoughts as often as you are having them now. If so, where are these feelings directed? Are they fears of your own death? Family and friends? Is it the unknown?
For myself I am finding out that I am most upset about the things that I have no control over. Death is something that noone can change no matter how strong or smart. No matter how unfair it is, we have to learn to accept the things that have happened and the things are going to happen. Its not fair and you dont have to like that idea at all.
And its OK to be sad (for as long as you want,)(but hopefully not too long.)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 6:21 am

I too just lost my dog of eleven years! She began to act funny on Wed and by Friday she was in surgery. They found about five major things wrong with her including a tumor on her liver. She did not make it through surgery. I began to sob. I loved her and continue to love her so much. She was a major part of our family. She was an amazing dog!! A Golden Retreiver. I know how you feel, the loss is so new. Plus both my mother and sister have cancer right now. A very emotional time.

I believe that in order for you to quiet your mind and stop all of the unanswerable questions you might want to try a few things. One, decide where you belive souls go after they pass, creat a beautiful place in your imagination. I believe my doggie is in doggie heaven and of course there is an ocean there where she plays and frollics!! I also believe her spirit is here in our home. She will always be here in my heart and here in spirit.

The other thing you might want to try is to "STOP" the thoughts!!! When those abstract thougths start just STOP yourself in your tracts!!! Don't go down that road. It leads nowhere. Those are existential thoughts questions that cannot be answered. Those thougths are mind boggeling and overwhelming Perhaps the grief is too much for you to deal with and your mind is distracting you.

I use the thought stopping process when I am in bed at night thinking about things. I will start having a conversation with someone in my mind and I start getting aggitated and then I just say STOP!!!! I am getting worked up over an imaginary conversation with someone I am upset with. It really does work. Try it

Hope tihs helps you in some way.
I also hope you begin to feel better soon and find peace.

Coco

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:56 am

You are so right about death - a loss is a loss & it really makes you think about whether there is anything after this! I lost my sister in a car accident 7 years ago when I was pregnant with my son. She was my best friend and only sibling! At the time, I really didn't have a belief system. I explored alot of things and believe it or not, I found ALOT of comfort going to mediums!!!! I never believed in that sort of thing before but, the things they told me & the strange things that happened shortly after she died showed me without a doubt they are "out there somewhere"! This erased my fear of dying. However, I still get sick with scary thoughts about losing someone else I love. In spite of my belief I'll see my sister again, I miss her terribly and don't want to lose anyone else!! I haven't done the lesson about stopping scary thoughts but, I'm happy with the program so far & I feel very hopeful. My mom lost her labrador 4 years ago and, the woman never dreams but, had a dream about her lab & my sister playing in a field. I'm sure that was my sister's way of comforting her!!! Good luck!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:06 am

I am having to face the fact that I will have to put my dog down soon. She has a collapsed bronchial tube and there is a growth. When the growth gets bigger it will totally close her tube and then I will have to have her put down. I am soooooo sad. There is a site called petloss.com that you can go to. BE PREPARED TO CRY YOUR EYES OUT. But it has alot of helpful information. Good luck and I know its hard.

PBII

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:10 am

i too have this fear alot. my first panic attack when i was nine yrs old and that is what it was about. i was in bed and just started thinking about it and all of a sudden i just paniced and got out of bed and ran to the kitchen where my mom was. years later i still had those thoughts and panic attacks over death. i tend not to have them as much as i use to but once in a while i still do. my mother tried to comfort me by saying it isn't painful but i not really worried about that so much but how permanent it is. i try to comfort myself by thinking hey i will be dead so how will i even know anything. sometimes that help. but that seems to still be the one fear i can't shake.i tend to obsess over it too and get into thought after thought after thought it drives me crazy sometimes but i try to stop it so it doesn't get out of hand. good luck

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:21 am

That's a very common fear. When I read your post and you wrote that when they die they take a piece of you with them. Well, try turning that thought around and know that they actually LEFT part of themselves with you. Easier said then done but since anxiety and worry is all in our mind anyway...sometimes we have to convince ourselves of positive things. Try to think of the good memories. Nobody can take those away. Smile.

Gman5256 · Post by **Gman5256** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:22 am

I am sorry for you losses...I too fear deat, big time! And when someone I know dies I take on symtoms of what they had. And then with having anxiety you think you have everything anyways and I think that's what makes it so hard for us to recover. I also think this is the one thing that the program doesn't cover as much of.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:44 am

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. My dog passed away in 1998 and I STILL miss him. I don't think you ever get over it. They get inside your heart. I have pictures of him and he is buried in my backyard. I almost had to have him put to sleep when he was really sick, and at that time I didn't think I would have been able to do it. It would be hard, but sometimes it's the best thing, particularly when they are suffering. I have a great book called "Animals Can be almost human"...they are great friends and become our family. Take Care!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 10:31 am

Sorry, for the losses you have had.
We lost our 10 yr old cat a month or two ago.
It was horrible.
I have an unnerving fear of death. My birthday is tomorrow, and I will be 61. It was worse last yr when I turned 60. It is so weird.
I have been scared of death since a child.
At 3 yrs old, I was sleeping on my stomach with covers up to my head. My thought was that someone was under my bed with a big sword, and would stab me if I was on my back. If he saw that I was only a head, then that would be ok.

WEird. I have fear of any disease process, and I a trying to deal with it.
I lost my parents, and that was over 20 years ago for my father, and I have never really gotten over his death.
I am trying ot deal with it now.
But I have spent 20 yrs of fear, and generalized anxiety due to this problem. (at least that is one of them.)
I obsess when I have to do anything new, it causes all kinds of anxiety in me.
Sometimes, I get the anxiety without even know why!

I know that by purchasing a new kitten, it helped so much with the grief of lossing our cat. But it doesn't make up for his loss.
At least I am not dwelling on the cat so much any longer.
It was really hard. I never thought it would be so hard.
We get so attached to our pets, and I think it doesn't matter much what age or why something dies, we all go a bit crazy.
I do.
I hope to be able to deal with this better as I go on. OR the rest of my life will be very lonely, and sad and anxious, I don't want to live like this.
I want to make progress to live life more fully, the best I can with the various diseases I have had for over 20 yrs.