Need some help

Colorado Chris · Post by **Colorado Chris** » Fri Dec 25, 2009 5:56 am

Hi everyone. I have been in the program for 2 weeks now and I am learning a lot. What is bothering me is this. On the cds Lucinda talks about having what ifs, and I know on a future cd she talks about anger. For me, I am 39 now and I used to have the what ifs from my earliest memories until I was like 16. Then I stopped worrying and just got angry instead. I started drinking heavily too. By the time I was 18 I started physically beating myself up daily and cutting myself. Then turned to burning myself with cigarettes when I was 22. The anger lasted until I was 29 when I was driving drunk and wrecked my car. For the last 10 years I am not sure what stage I have been in. What I am trying to say is that I feel like I have progressed so far past these symptoms of anxiety and I have been just indifferent for so long that I need to know if someone else has been here and what will help me. Does this make sense?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:18 am

Hi Chris, First of all, Merry Christmas, I hope you are having a good one. Secondly, yes, what you are saying makes sense. It sounds like a defense response were you are just tired of dealing with it so it a way you shut down emotionally. Do you feel like your emotions have been blunted in all areas of your life or just in how you deal with the worry? Sometimes I have been "too tired" to react to my thinking or body symptoms. What is helping me the most is my relationship with the Lord. I am working the program too and it has alot of good advice and tools. Hope it helps to know you are not alone. God bless, Tammy

BTW - Colorado Springs is beautiful! We have visited every year since 2001. Hoping to relocate there one day.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:54 am

Merry Christmas to you too Tammy. I am just getting ready to go over to my sister's for dinner. Before starting this program, even going to one of my sisters houses caused anxiety but today its not so bad because I know now that it is anxiety and not something else. I just found out a month ago that I suffered from anxiety and depression. I was putting all my energy into the physical symptoms and by focusing on them I was making them worse because I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Now that I know my condition I can attack and conquer it.

I have shut down emotionally. I have a hard time carrying on a conversation for very long like nobody wants to hear what I am really thinking but then again I have been thinking so much about me there hasn't been room for other thoughts. Now that my physical symptoms have mostly disappeared I can work on my thinking process and my biggest area of problems Expectations.

For anyone who is reading this I have had this problem since I was old enough to think and dealt with it all on my own until now. It is never too late to change and get better. I may have ruined the first 39 years by not telling anyone but I intend to fully enjoy the next 100 years!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 25, 2009 1:24 pm

Chris, Hope you have a great time at your sisters! It sounds like you have already been making great progress on your own. Keep up the good work.

And thanks for the words of encouragement at the end of your post for everyone. You WILL make it through and so will we!! God bless. Tammy

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 25, 2009 4:20 pm

Thanks Tammy. I did have a good time at my sisters. I actually stayed for 5 hours before I started to feel aniety coming on. That is about 4 and a half hours longer than the last year or so. Most of the time I just avoided going anywhere except work.

My anxiety manifested itself as nausea and had gotten bad enough over the last few months that I went to the doctor for the first time in 29 years. That was how I found out I had anxiety disorder because just going to the doctor relieved my anxiety so much I have not felt nausea since. It has been five weeks and I am finally getting my old appetite back since I no longer worry about the nausea. All my tests came back normal which also helped because I thought for sure there was something wrong after 25 years of drinking and smoking. Haven't had a drink since may but mainly from not feeling good.

I really appreciate your replies. I excel with everything I do when I have someone to talk to about things.

Chris

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:56 am

Hi Chris, that is so great to hear! WOW! You do awesome at your sister's house! I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work. Feel free to email anytime. God bless, Tammy