Stress Center Peer Support

Hi. I am working on session 3. I am making myself do things out of my comfort zone but need a little extra encouragement. I appreciate everyones advice because this is the only place I can get it except for from family members occasionally. I try not to burden them to much and sometimes they don't understand what I go through as goes the same with my husband. So anyways here it goes, I signed my son up for little league which he has never played baseball before but is catching on. Anyways I grew with all sisters except one brother that was alot older as all my siblings are. Anyways I never grew up around sports so have no clue about the rules or the game. My son really wanted to play and since I am so shy this was a big step. However at the games I feel very out of place with the other moms and dads. they are all so into it and loud and I feel a little insecure and out of place. They don't talk to me and I already am so hard on myself always wondering what is wrong with me. I have a hard time with people liking me and I always am beating myself up worrying about it or what is so wrong with me. Then of course I feed myself with negatives that I must seem strange, insecure yada yada. Then I get depressed, etc. Well at the games which have only been a few I support my son but am not as loud and aggressive as the other moms because I am still trying learn the sport as crazy as that sounds. Plus I am shy and have never been a loud person even though I wish I was. I worry about what everone thinks of me. All my husband says just let it go etc. No support at all. Anyways I feel like I am being judged by the other moms because Im not out screaming etc. It hurts the looks I get and if they only new. I also have arranged to have my daughters birthday at a pizza place on sunday because thats what she wanted and now I am worrying about being out of my comfort zone with all these 5 and 6 yr. olds and probably there parents. And how will I act etc. Its terrible to be this insecure I really struggle with it because most woman my age seem so secure and strong. I once had a lady at my sons pre school tell me how odd it was that i was so shy etc. and really affected me and hurt and i always play that day back in my mind and how she said that. No one wants to be this way it is not how i want to live everyday. I feel like a freak and hoping to get with this program. I know I have to quit what if thinking and not loving myself but where do i start. Why do I always have a hard making friends and not fitting in. Is it because I don't seem secure and I seem shy? Please let me know I am not alone, this is a real struggle. I don't want my kids to grow and think mom never did anything with me that is why I am making myself do the parties and sports etc. but boy is it hard. I hope I can learn from others and this program and any self help books because you see I do want to be the one that doesn't always stand out or look alone and isolated from others. Thanks so much to all who read this and for any advice you may have to offer. This is where I have to turn when a problem arises. I don't have friends where I live so this is my support. Thanks again everyone and sorry this is so long. I am just feeling alone.

I feel for you Ali, reading your post. Sounds as if you have problems with social anxiety. I had this as a child; some years would be better than others. I finally just got sick of it and started taking more risks.

Most likely, the people at the baseball games are not thinking anything about you at all - they're too wrapped up in themselves! Maybe really observe the scene, trying to be objective. Is there someone else who seems a little more quiet? Maybe try asking question about the game. Sometimes the Dads are easier to approach than the Moms (I also have kids in sports). Start slowly by being quietly friendly: smile, ask a question, sit near everyone else, etc.

Just remember you are not alone! Not everyone is loud and likes to draw attention to themselves. Thank goodness! I'm sure there are very good books written about social anxiety, but i cant offer any titles. Good luck to you, Ali.

ali04

It is good to hear you are doing things outside your comfort zone. The positive re-enforcement of these actions will build over time.

It sounds like you are really TOO hard on yourself. If we all had the same personalities
the world would have no variation. Perhaps the people at the games are not thinking about you as much as you are thinking about what they are thinking. If you followed that, it should have taken your mind off your problems, real or imagined for a few seconds at least.

If all your siblings are "a lot older" you were naturally the "Different one" in the family. Is it possible you still feel you are the "Different one" in every crowd? Be yourself and if that is not acceptable, be the person you would like to be! Many of us are going through life with a real shot at an Academy Award!

Your feeling that you have a hard time with people liking you may be just that, a feeling. It would be a great scary feeling to feed your anxiety.

You worry about what everyone thinks of you and some concern is natural. Be kind, considerate, helpful and caring in your relationships and guess what, people with any sense at all will like you. All the others don't matter anyway as you don't want to associate with them.

You worry what is wrong with you. I suspect that worrying is taking up so much time that it is the major thing wrong with you. Most of us have spent countless hours worrying about things that never happened. In your case the worry is about fitting into the group, whatever it may be.

Give others the benefit of the doubt, in all likelihood, they do not see you as you see yourself!!!

Best Wishes