Setback

[mercuryme]

Hi, I am on week three. Just finished it today actually. But after five days of no full blown panic attacks, I woke up this morning and immediately started feeling the hot/cold surges. Like I didn't even have a chance to start thinking about anything and there it was.

I tried to 2/4 breathe. I tried to use my positive self talk. I got out of bed, let the dog out, fed the cat, etc. etc. Distraction didn't help. The hot/cold surges kept coming. Now it was getting hard to breathe, even though I was trying to maintain the 2/4. My mind started flying and going competely berserk, my legs started shaking, and I couldn't even think clearly enough to continue the positive self talk. I took .25 mg xanax, which I havent' had to do for five days in a row. Then I started to calm down, but still felt a little crazy. Like I despeterately wanted to go to urgent care. It was SO HARD not to jump in my car and drive there.

Well, today happened to be Easter, so I was at my parents' house. All the family and kids and pets commotion was really setting me on edge. I started to feel super emotional and crabby. I tried to distract myself doing the dishes, helping clean up. But I had to pop yet another xanax in the afternoon. Then I went to the guest room and did my relaxation session.

After things quieted down, I was sitting in the livingroom watching a movie with everyone, and BAM, the hot cold flashes and feelings of fear start welling up again. More xanax.

I had been doing so well. I felt like the program was working. I don't understand why my coping tools didn't work this time. It makes me wonder if it really is going to work for me long-term, even on my bad days like today.

I guess the one bright spot in it all is that I DIDN"T go to urgent care after all. But I am feeling discouraged now. I could use some cheering up if anyone has had a similar experience with setbacks. I'm on week 3.

[BlueD]

We all have set backs... I know how you feel! I often wonder if anyone else has this as bad as I got it. I have some good days and some bad days but if you think about it even ppl without anxiety have good and bad days. We just tend to think about it ALLthe time and they don't. Im here if you ever want to talk!!

[mercuryme]

Thank you Blue! I am doing better now. Luckily, the session on expectations is next. ;D I guess it's a little unrealistic for me to expect to be able to use the tools I just learned perfectly and without fail every time from now until forever. Go figure!

We do have good days and bad days, and the good days make the bad days worth enduring.