Going through the program a 2nd time

"Combatting Stress & Depression" Program participant's may post support questions here
Post Reply
TL7
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2003 2:00 am
Location: CT
Contact:

Going through the program a 2nd time

Post by TL7 » Thu Sep 13, 2012 12:19 pm

It's been a VERY long time since I've been on these boards. I went through the program roughly 7 years ago and had great success with it. I went from being agoraphobic and not being able to do ANYTHING by myself to doing EVERYTHING by myself including traveling all over the country to meet up with friends of mine who are scattered all over the USA. I will be forever grateful for this program. However, when my brother died (suicide) last year I noticed some old familiar feelings creeping back into my life. I started a blog about my journey with an anxiety disorder hoping that public "journaling" about it would not only help me but others as well. Well, that sort of backfired as I felt like it brought up a lot of old feelings because I was talking about them again. After a year of moping around with it, I bought another work book off of Ebay and decided to go through the program again. I'm on week 7 and I'm thinking of stopping and starting all over. I'm not sure if I just haven't been giving it my all like I did the first time or if because maybe I'm in a totally different place in my life, but I feel like I should be feeling better by now. When I initially did this program I was definitely more anxiety ridden with some depression hidden in there somewhere. This time I feel the opposite. Depression is definitely more prominent. But I also feel like I'm fighting myself. I know what it's like to be better and I can recognize symptoms right away because I've been there, but I'm finding it so frustrating to be feeling like poop all over again. Maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit and I surely know that I held in my anger/depression/grief over my brother for well over a year, but at the same time I feel like I should be over it already. Just like when we lost one of our kitties last month. I feel like I should be over it already and why can't I just snap out of this. Can anyone relate to this at all? I just don't know where I go from here. Start over or continue going?

*edit* I just changed my profile info (some how it aged me 8 years) and I did the program almost 9 years ago. Wow, time flies.

meluv3
Posts: 41
Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2012 12:23 am
Location: California

Re: Going through the program a 2nd time

Post by meluv3 » Sun Sep 16, 2012 11:43 pm

Welcome back! =) I am fairly new to the boards, but I went through the program a year ago and just started up again and am on session 7 as well. Sorta funny because I was wondering if I should start and stop again too because I am just not getting as much out of it this time around. For me I think it is because I already know what to expect in the sessions, but am having a hard time accepting where I'm at and all the physical/mental symptoms that I have and the negative talk - like what if I can't get through it this time. So I haven't really "started over", but keep relistening to the first 3 sessions depending on what I need for that day! Like if I am struggling with panic or the fear of the unrelenting physical sensations I listen to #2 or if I'm struggling with feeling alone in this condition I listen to #1 or if I am caught in a worry loop I listen to #3 ... and then if it's a day where I am not struggling so much with those I listen to the new lesson. I guess we just gotta do whatever helps each day!! Really sorry to hear about your brother. I cannot imagine how hard that was for you. Have you been able to talk about that with anybody that could help you work through the emotions that go with a loss like that?

Something encouraging for you is that you have been worse than you are now ... and RECOVERED!! So you know it is possible. It is just gonna take some time for your body and mind to heal again. Best wishes to you!!!


TL7 wrote:It's been a VERY long time since I've been on these boards. I went through the program roughly 7 years ago and had great success with it. I went from being agoraphobic and not being able to do ANYTHING by myself to doing EVERYTHING by myself including traveling all over the country to meet up with friends of mine who are scattered all over the USA. I will be forever grateful for this program. However, when my brother died (suicide) last year I noticed some old familiar feelings creeping back into my life. I started a blog about my journey with an anxiety disorder hoping that public "journaling" about it would not only help me but others as well. Well, that sort of backfired as I felt like it brought up a lot of old feelings because I was talking about them again. After a year of moping around with it, I bought another work book off of Ebay and decided to go through the program again. I'm on week 7 and I'm thinking of stopping and starting all over. I'm not sure if I just haven't been giving it my all like I did the first time or if because maybe I'm in a totally different place in my life, but I feel like I should be feeling better by now. When I initially did this program I was definitely more anxiety ridden with some depression hidden in there somewhere. This time I feel the opposite. Depression is definitely more prominent. But I also feel like I'm fighting myself. I know what it's like to be better and I can recognize symptoms right away because I've been there, but I'm finding it so frustrating to be feeling like poop all over again. Maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit and I surely know that I held in my anger/depression/grief over my brother for well over a year, but at the same time I feel like I should be over it already. Just like when we lost one of our kitties last month. I feel like I should be over it already and why can't I just snap out of this. Can anyone relate to this at all? I just don't know where I go from here. Start over or continue going?

*edit* I just changed my profile info (some how it aged me 8 years) and I did the program almost 9 years ago. Wow, time flies.

TL7
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2003 2:00 am
Location: CT
Contact:

Re: Going through the program a 2nd time

Post by TL7 » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:18 am

Thank you for your reply. I'm happy to see I'm not the only one going through it again. I had a really long talk with my husband last week and he explained it to me in a way that made so much sense. He told me to think about it as painting a wall. When I go back and look at it, I notice I missed a few spots. I wouldn't paint the entire wall over again, but focus on what I missed and I should treat the program as such. It isn't necessarily that we aren't being as diligent as we were the first time, it's just part of the wall that's been painted (healed) so it's just a review. It's just sometimes harder to find the missed spots. For some reason this explanation just clicked for me and made me feel so much better. I do intend to go back and listen to a few weeks again because I feel I need it and will continue to do so, like you said, if I'm having those issues at the time but I no longer feel like I need to start the whole thing over and essential be the "perfect student". We will both make it through again, I have no doubt in that anymore. I just have to accept that this time is just different. :)

coachchris
Posts: 728
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: Going through the program a 2nd time

Post by coachchris » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:35 am

Hi TL7,

This is Chris, I am a coach here at the Stress. I too lost my brother last year to diabetes. He was 47.

Losses bring up all kinds of thoughts, emotions and body symptoms and......that's OK. I have learned that it is OK to feel down. It will pass. It is OK to feel confused. It will pass. It is OK to be angry. It will pass.

Point being, we are learning to give ourselves permission to journey through life without fearing how we are going to feel and will we get stuck there. I don't want to let adrenalin or a dark cloud or unanswered questions take over my life. I choose to stay in control. I choose to give myself permission to take one day at a time. I will choose a healthy reaction to what life is bringing me. I choose the good.

I have also learned how much I have to take care of my body (especially the older I get). Exercise, relaxation and good eating help my body feel better so I can continue to think better.

I hope this helps. Keep working your program. You will pick up new things you didn't even need before. I like the painting analogy. Consider that you are just adding to your painting. It is a work in progress. The painting just continues to get better :) Your skills improve and you become a master painter!

We are here to help! Keep us posted.
Coach Chris StressCenter.com

TL7
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2003 2:00 am
Location: CT
Contact:

Re: Going through the program a 2nd time

Post by TL7 » Tue Sep 18, 2012 11:10 am

Hi Chris! Thank you so much for your feedback. I'm so sorry your lost your brother last year as well. My brother was 45. Entirely way too young. I think I spent so much time trying to convince myself and the world that I was okay with what happened that I just bottled everything up and it sat and infected itself. I always think I should just be over it already. You are so right in the fact that I never gave myself permission to grieve. After coming back on here and having that talk with my husband last week, this week has been SO much better. I feel renewed in a way. I am taking care of myself physically. Some days the only way I feel better is to hit the gym for an hour.

Anyway, thank you again for your words. Makes perfect sense, I just needed to be reminded. And, again, I'm sorry for your loss.

pinkhearts123
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:03 am

Re: Going through the program a 2nd time

Post by pinkhearts123 » Wed Oct 17, 2012 2:52 am

Thank you TL7 for posting this and all who have responded!!! This is my second, third, fourth time trying to finish this program :roll: . I stray away then feel I should start all over again. But when I do, it doesn't feel the same as when I originally started the program! But now I see, with the help of the painted wall analogy, that I don't have to repaint the WHOLE wall every time I stop. I am going to just review what I have done, pick up stuff that I might have missed the first and second time, then keep going from where I left off!!! I know now that I'm not going to feel the same way as when I first started and that its OK!!! Both of my brothers passed away recently. One in August 2009, he was 45, and the other one who was 53, just passed this September of 2012!! They both had heart attacks and were healthy! We were all SO close! I have one brother left and we are just trying to keep it together!!! But I will say this, I am handling it better than I probably would have if I hadn't gone through the program at all. So I guess I am making progress. But I defiantly will allow myself to grieve and not beat myself up for not being further along than I think I should be. Session 4 is a good one to listen to for all of those "shoulds" we put ourselves through! Anyway, I feel so much better now knowing I'm not the only one going at it AGAIN! Thank you for your courage and I pray blessings for each and everyone here on this post!!! 8-) Be well!!! :mrgreen:

Post Reply

Return to “Participant Questions & Support”