What do I do when I've hurt someone with my anxiety?

"Combatting Stress & Depression" Program participant's may post support questions here
Post Reply
cmoulton
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2012 5:28 am

What do I do when I've hurt someone with my anxiety?

Post by cmoulton » Fri Aug 17, 2012 5:48 am

Hi,I'm Casey a 22 year-old college student studying theatre, heading into his senior year----A couple months ago I had back surgery, leading up to it, and for over a month afterwards, I was taking prescription endocet. The medication made me feel terrible, and gave me nightmares. My then girlfriend was miles away, having a really good time working for a theatre miles away. She tried to stay connected but I pushed her away with my feelings of anxiety and depression. They were obsessive insecurities that had little foundation and caused a huge rift between us. She broke up with me and was really hurt by how I had been treating her. I apologized twice and tried to be as sincere as possible. I gave her space for a while after that (about a month.) About a week ago I texted her, inquiring about how she was doing, and telling her some good news I found out about concerning next year at college. She was very short with me, but not unfriendly, and our conversation was short as well. I still have feelings for her, I knew her for years before entering the relationship, and though we were together for a short while, I still want to share my life with her, even if it's just as her friend. This Monday I move back in, I want her to see I've overcome the surgery, and my anxiety, but I'm afraid she won't be comfortable talking or socializing with me. She means a lot to me, and I know I should only be concerned with my own well-being, but I want to make an earnest effort to reconnect with her and gain the trust I've lost. How can I do that, and what should I do if I cannot regain her trust and friendship? I have a constant feeling of loss, and wake up from sleep thinking about how much I miss her. I don't know how to get a grip when my subconscious mind is making me dream and think about her. I've tried very hard to get over her, but I still have feelings for her, and tender memories of our past. What can I do?

coachchris
Posts: 757
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: What do I do when I've hurt someone with my anxiety?

Post by coachchris » Fri Aug 17, 2012 12:02 pm

Hi cmoulton,

Thank you for your post. It is good to hear you are feeling better and headed back to school. It sounds like right now your actions will speak louder than your words. You say you want to make an earnest effort and it sounds like you have already reached out and she is keeping her distance. A lot of this comes down to 'control.' What do you have control over and what are the facts. Right now I hear that you want to continue to take control of your thoughts, stay positive and display healthy behavior. You don't have control over her and how she feels. You could ask her if she would like to get together and talk. You will have to accept whatever the answer could be.

Breakups are always very, very hard but the negative feelings do pass. I recommend you stay busy, focus on school, friendships and having a positive attitude. These are all things you have control over. Whether it works out or not with your friend continue to use this experience as an opportunity for growth. Celebrate your strengths and the good things you have in life. Choose to be present moment and thankful. Your heart will heal....never as fast as we would like but peace will come:)

Keep us posted or PM me if you would like to talk.

Coach Chris

cmoulton
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2012 5:28 am

Re: What do I do when I've hurt someone with my anxiety?

Post by cmoulton » Fri Aug 17, 2012 11:47 pm

It's hard to accept, but you're right. I don't have control over her, and the best thing I can do is keep up with school and appreciate what I have. In truth, the more I examine the relationship, the more I see that while I may bear the brunt of the fault, that my ex also contributed to its downfall (they weren't perfect, and neither was I.) This doesn't excuse me from my mistakes at all, but it does put things into a better perspective for me. I don't know how to bring that up to her now, since it's been over a month, but maybe things ended for the best? I don't know. I do know you're right though; thank you for reaching out to answer my question.

Post Reply

Return to “Participant Questions & Support”