Facing My Fears - Breaking Through Anticipatory Wall

[jessiesnake]

Hello! I just wanted to post that I have started facing some fears (limitations) that Lucinda suggests even though I'm feeling very anxious. One of my biggest fears is going to the doctor (annual GYN). I made my appointment today and it is scheduled for 10/11/11.

I feel like I'm going to be anxious until it gets here and then be incredibly anxious actually going to the appointment. I would like any kind of positive feedback to help me through this period of time until the appointment.

NOTE: I became anxious going to doctors after my late husband was diagnosed with cancer and subsequently died 5 months later (1987) and then most recently my father passed away (Jan. 2011) after a long illness, (mother went into nursing home during this period of time as well) thus I started having anxiety and panic attacks....I have good days and bad days, but have decided that I HAVE to start facing my fears to get over this feeling.

Two weeks ago I actually was able to go to the dentist for my teeth cleaning. Was extremely anxious, but I did it. Last week, I rode my motorcycle - which I haven't done in a year due to anxiety...only 20 minutes worth, but I did it! And now today, making the doctor appointment - just need some encouragement that all will be fine and I will be okay!!! I'm so scared of looking like an idiot and having to "explain" that I'm anxious...I know a lot of other people have this same fear, but at the doctor's I feel like a baby not being able to handle it. I am so envious of people who don't suffer with this. Thanks for listening.

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Jessie! Wow, that's great you got on your motorcycle! I'm proud of myself for getting on my bicycle this year! LOl! Also I got up on waterskiis as well which I haven't done for 32 years! So I was quite thrilled with myself but sure ached afterwards! I did a lot of firsts this summer...

So I understand your anxiety about the obgyn, I had to see mine 3 times last year, twice due to two Drs advice that in my mind was not necessary and didn't give me "relief" to my anxiety symptoms. Just gave me a bill to pay off..they were legitimate concerns, but due to my anxiety...I listened to the "professionals" advice instead of my own intuition. Long story...but my Psychiatrist felt that my "lack of Hormones" was causing my "panic attacks" and felt I needed them. But I wanted to have my HRT or hormones be compounded into a cream that I could use instead of the pill form.

My GYN argued with me that the pill form works better than the "compounded" forms. So I got no where and I was at such a an agitated state and anxious that it was a scary experience. But that doesn't mean that over the years with this Dr have I had such a bad experience. He delivered my now 20 year old son, so I have a good relationship with this Dr. I was just very scared at the time and I don't think the DR knew what to do with me. The exam room had been changed to ugly decor that just gave me more anxiety.

And I didn't have health insurance and had to pay cash or couldn't pay all at once so that made me feel anxious or a bit embarrassed at the time. But pretty much everything had changed and we don't like changes.

I don't know if I'm helping, but you are going to do great! I didn't have the program when I last saw my OB/GYN last summer, and now I have had and been working the Program for just a year now. So you are at a better place than me.
I think you are going to do fine...think positive thoughts... paislee

[jessiesnake]

Thanks for responding. I really appreciate it. I do have a question. I have been debating HRTs. I am starting to wonder if the majority of my anxiety is due to the imbalance of hormones. Did they help you? I have been trying to go through menopause naturally because I didn't want to put chemicals into my body, but the anxiety and going through the change are really impacting my quality of life now....so I am going to ask the doctor about synthetic and bioidentical HRTs. I am trying to stop researching the internet about it because there is good and bad information out there....who knows. I am going to listen to the doctor and make a decision....I want to believe I don't need them, but as time goes by I am starting to believe that Im out of balance and maybe the risk is worth it for a bettr quality of life. I have changed my diet (healthy) and have started walking and doing a little yoga. I just turned 54 and have been in menopause about 1-1\2 years....I would have thought I would feel better getting to the other side of perimenopause....and maybe just all the trauma from my family events recently have played a part....I don't know....tired of spending so much time worrying about why I cant just wake up and feel normal!! Time to take action.....thanks again and good for you with all your accomplishments. Gives me inspiration that I will one day have my peace of mind back and can enjoy life again!!