Social anxiety

[Ldybeth]

Can this program help with social anxiety? I often feel like people are put off by me. I am a nice person and I reach out as much as I can but I do find it uncomfortable to talk on the phone and to get together with people unless I know that I can really trust them. It has been many years since I've had any girlfriend and my fiance is the only person that I consider a friend presently. I've tried to initiate get-togethers with coworkers as that is the only environment that I see people on a regular basis, but there doesn't seem to be any interest.

I am constantly questioning my self-worth and if I am a repellant to others. I do this especially when I don't hear back from emails I've left or phone messages from one sister who basically controls my family of origins' dynamic. This particular situation has profoundly effected my relationships with other women and my ability to trust others. I want to get past it but this social anxiety keeps me at home most of the time and I have convinced myself that there is just something off about me that prevents others from being friendly and courteous, even when just out and about. Am I just too idealistic for my own good? I'm driving myself crazy and I've had enough!

[freemind]

Hey Ldy,
You and I are in the same boat. I have no friends but my fiance. I have extended the olive branch on numerous occasions and been left in the cold. Girl, I can tell you! I am new to the program and I have not yet gone out of my safety zone alone yet again. I don't think it is us. I have started stepping out with my fiance to meet up with a coworker and his wife for "burger night" we call it and so far so good. Don't let anyone make you question your self worth. We have enough outside things to worry about. I seem to have the biggest problem with the "girlfriend" thing. My boss once told me I was to honest and straight forward. People don't know how to handle that. I haven't changed. I'm sure you're a GREAT PERSON. Give the program time to work. Take it slow. Be your beautiful self.

[Ldybeth]

Thank you Freemind for your reply,

I have been told the same thing, even complimented on my tactfullness and integrity but these attributes sure don't seem to be very popular and end up making me feel like I'm on the outside of things. I've never liked to be involved in gossip because it just doesn't feel authentic and seems like so many people get caught up in it because they have nothing better to discuss. I used to come into conversations on a deeper level, probably due to my difficult past with alcoholism any many dark years with horrible undiagnosed anxiety and depression that I have an insight into things that many just don't - not unless they've been there as well. I don't do that anymore and try to have or start more light-hearted conversations but it's hard. If I feel that there are unresolved conflicts at work or within my family, I am the one who will bring it to light and try to get others to address it but I'm always alone, unless it's in the form of gossip, meaning as long as someone is being made fun of or put down, no one wants to talk about the real issues and how to make a positive change. My family has always been the type to smile and pretend that everything is okay but there has been both depression and anxiety with both of my sisters and my parents never sought help for us. I am the only one who dealt with my issues with finally getting therapy and help to quit drinking, which was due to my undiagnosed anxiety and depression, and now I feel further separated from them because I am the only one who took a hard look at myself and actually tried to do something to better my life and have made positive changes but still have a lot of work to do to be more complete. I keep getting sucked into playing the same role with my family that I unintentially fell into years ago, defending this sister against the other, and then taking the brunt from them both when speaking up about the first sister's lack of follow through with committments we've made to eachother. She end's up "tag-teaming" with the other sister, the one I defended her against or just stood up for! The result is that I receive the silent treatment for months, sometimes longer. Add insult to injury, all of my family lives in the same metro area so not hearing from them or seeing them is like daggers through the heart. This whole situation has, as I mentioned in my prior posting, has affected my trust in women. I have had several women that I was friends with in the past that ended up burning me for my calling a spade a spade. I would like to join a women's bible study or some kind of group but I am so afraid that I will be treated the same way so I avoid it... kind of like holding on to a shred of hope and not wanting to lose it by acting on it... does that make any sense?? I'm sorry to have gone on so long..lol...but I just feel overwhelmed by this and want to find my way out. If you believe in prayer, will you please pray for me- I would be very honored and happy to pray for you as well. Thank you, again & God bless, Beth

[freemind]

Hey Ldy,
I am very sorry to hear about the family strife. I go through alot of that myself. I will pray for you. My addiction is smokeing. There was a time in my life that I feel I could have gone to drink but somehow I escaped that one. I have depression and anxiety and get panick attacks amongst other things if you read all of the posts. After reading your post I am starting to feel we are "Kindred". I'm not sure why we are left hangen. I try very hard to make gal pals but keep being put at arms lengh. The ladys that I feel I get along with are older. But not by much. I'm not looking to party. I would like a few friends to hobby with. Don't let this get you down. Are you working the program? I have to get back to mine. I hope you understand that although we want to be close to our familys sometimes we all get at each other. I will say I hate my sisters and then sometimes they are the only ones I can talk to. But don't focus on them. Take this time to focus on YOU! Have you seen "Eat, Pray,Love"? Very good movie. Love and Light to you. Freemind

[Paisleegreen]

I'm a lot like you two. I don't care to socialize w/ gals that just want to gossip or even go shopping. I'm very practical and I dont' like to waste time. Plus my sisters all live out of state. One sister is I can't say, "crazy" but she is pretty deep in the anxiety/depression/paranoia cycle along with ADHD. She is going to be 65, and has lived a hard life where she has to isolate herself due to her strangeness and inability to live in the real world or with people. She can drive others crazy, so she is very difficult to be around for long and she is manipulative and self-centered, in a more survival mode, I guess.

My other sister lives 3,000 miles away and is 12 years older than me, she is starting to lose her memory and it is devastating to her DH and children. It was very hard to see her last summer and see how she struggles to remember our conversation from the day before. She had to write things down in her day planner to help her remember very simple conversations. But she has been a very busy mother and wife since she was 19 and I think has worked too hard to take care of her household and others. I think it is part of a genetic or behavioral tendency learned from my Dad's side of the family. She has taken care of an adoptive handicapped daughter for 32 years now. Never allowing others to come in and help for too long.

So my world with her and her husband is so different, we can't relate much at all. My mother has since passed on 6 years ago due to a stroke and my father followed due to cancer. So I have my brothers, but they are out of state as well, and the one in town, I don't see much. If I do, it is because I went over to his house. They are happy to see me, but it is one sided and I understand why, because our lives are different and he and his family are more quiet, it is a long story.

Another damper on my relationships is that I did lose a son to suicide, so it is hard to have certain conversations. I have met friends that have lost loved ones to suicide, so I get some socailization due to that type of bond.

So here I am...taking each day at a time since I had my panic attack, taking Baby Steps to get back to the way I use to be, but not do all that I use to do. Because maybe changes needed to happen and I needed to change my priorities.

[Ldybeth]

Freemind, I like that, "kindred" spirits. You know, just finding other people who experience the same issues is such a comfort and very encouraging and I hope that you find that to be true as well, which I'm sure you do. Logically, we know that we are not the only ones, but when we're out and about and mingling with people from day to day and in different situations, it's so easy to judge people and think, "Hey, they look so put together..." or "I wish I had their life"... it feels as if we are alone, separate or "defective" ( one of my favs) somehow. So,to actually be able to TALK with someone or several people that understand because they've been there??? What a tremendous gift and blessing!! I have to admit, the website wasn't something that I really thought I would use much but since I first logged on... Wow! It's been such an encouragement and compliments the program perfectly.

Thank you for your words of encouragement and your support- I appreciate them very much and it sounds like you have a good grasp on things and are moving forward as well. You keep on keepin' on too! You are a blessing and a good friend, that I can see. God continue to bless you!



Paislee, You've been on a challenging journey, and I've seen your name beside many postings, you are stronger than you think and I, for one, am grateful that you are here! I hurt reading what tragedies you've endured and the challenges with your own family and how they've effected you and your relationships with them. You sound such a loving and caring person, which I think most of us here are, and we are deeply affected by relationships and want to just give, give, give...even to he point that it's detrimental to our own well-being. On a deeper note, I'm so sorry that your son was in so much despair that he wasn't able to find a way to get the help he needed while still here. I'm sure by now you know very well that this wasn't your fault and that even with your support and love, his pain must have been beyond our comprehension. I believe that the Lord reserves a certain mercy for those who've tried and not been able to conquer the challenges that come with this temporary life that we live here... and I want you to know that I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You have so much to give - that is easy to see! Keep the faith and keep doing what you're doing... You have a place in this world that no other could fill.

[Ldybeth]

Freemind, I forgot to add that Yes, I've seen Eat, Pray, Love...and absolutely loved it! Wouldn't you love to just take off...go on a journey of self discovery... explore different cultures, customs and ways of life. I love those kinds of movies that are like taking a mini vacation.. I have a few like that - love 'em! I hear you on the smoking as well. I had promised myself that I would quit after 20 years....hhhmm.....well, that was 6 years ago... I've kind of plunged into exercise and this program, along with eating healthier (most of the time... ) and decided that I would try and let this vice just kind of wither away on it's own.. I've cut down but still have a way to go! We can to it but one thing at a time, right?!

[Paisleegreen]

Ladybeth, thanks for your comments. I feel okay about my son's death. I miss him very much, and only Christ knows what is in the mind and heart of a person that commits suicide. Most people are not in their right minds that take their own lives. My son loved life and lived it fully, he had a tender heart that was bullied just too many times. And being only 15, their ability to look into the future and see that things can change is immature. I know I'll see him again...he's keeping himself busy until that day. Paislee

[freemind]

Hey Friends,
Sorry I have not been around. I have had some family problems and have gone to Madison to picket. I am sooooooo Dizzy right now it is hard for me to focus. Our lives have been turned upside down. I hope you are all well, and are staying strong. I have to be gone for awhile. When I get my focus back I will return. If you can send a word up for us. God Bless. Freemind.

[Ldybeth]

Paislee, It sounds like you have a great understanding about your son and I am so happy for you that you have your faith. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Freemind, I'm sorry to hear that things have been stressful lately and I hope that things workout the way you need them to with your family. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, as well.